And now, the end is near…

Farewell, May! It’s been great knowin’ ya! Although you sure could have brought along a few warmer days this year, you didn’t do too bad overall. The snowfalls so late into the year was a bit of fun, once I got over gnashing my teeth in woe over those particular days…

But now, June is standing in the shadows, and I’d say from the looks of things, she’s wearing her summer bonnet. I might be wearing a summer bonnet myself, considering the goofy turn this post is taking this morning. Egads!!

For fun, I continue to post these updates on Safari (a Mac web-server product). I say “for fun” to be polite – the new version of Windows Explorer has a few cool Mac-like features, but overall is simply Windows at the end of the day. I need Picture Windows, not some little single-pane effort. Actually, every time I think of “pane”, and “Windows”, I admire the connection there.

Off to volunteer for the Canadian Diabetes Association this morning, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I – we’re helping out with the HSBC Marathon – I figure as long as I don’t actually have to run, walk or stagger myself, it’s literally the least I can do.

Cluck….OOOPS!!!! CHOW, for now!!

Chicken Scratch

 Ooooohhh……..

 Ya ain’t suffered until a rollin’, explodin’ burp’s come outta yer beak….

 Oooooohhh…..

 BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

 Mother of goose, I ain’t had such a bad reaction since the last chili-eatin’ contest I entered last summer, and I found out it was TURKEY CHILI!!!!

 I got a marchin’ band in my belly, and it’s blowin’ fireworks all the way up my esofygus!! Now I know what the outer part offa firecracker feels like!!

 BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

 The worstest part is, I can’t thinka wut I had, that gave me such a bad reaction. It was movie night here last night for the flock, and between the pretzels, the popcorn, the potato chips, the deep-fried nachos with cheese and peppers, peanuts (peanuts in a shell), cotton candy, chocolate-covered almonds, mini-donuts, hot dogs, Trail Mix, ice cream sandwiches, and gallons a Diet Coke – I can’t narrow down what’s boxin’ in my intestines!!

 BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

 Mebbe next time I’ll avoid the lettuce and veggie stix at lunchtime…

 Oooooohhhhh…..

 I wonder iffa cold beer would calm this ole gullet down??

 Nuthin’ ventured, nuthin’ grained!!!

 BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

 Cluck fer now!!  

Looks like we’re shaping up to have a fan-tas-tic weekend, here in the Such Is Life neck of the woods.

Now, why do they call it “neck of the woods” I wonder? I know trees have trunks. I know they have branches, roots and leaves, but I’ve never ever heard of a tree having a neck. Unless it’s a reference to the trees being bare “nekked”, and some zealous editor of a magazine or newspaper correcting that spelling over time, to make it more palatable to readers?

So much to know, so little time left after network television programs to bother learning…

Hey, speaking of network television, tonight is the last Tonight Show with Jay Leno! We’ve caught the last couple of nights, and it’s been a bit of fun watching him wind his run down. There’s supposed to be a big surprise tonghit – I’m wondering if Dave Letterman is going to stop by. He seems to have put his show into repeats this week while Jay signs off, so that could be a possibility.

 And if it happens, you could say you heard it here first. Not that anybody is going to give a rat’s ass when you tell them, but you really could say that…

 Finally, doing a quick search of my Google statistics, I see that my review of the Stage West production here of “Buddy – The Buddy Holly Story”, and a mention of The Human Statues (starring in that production” continues to remain in the Top Ten of Google search results. Not bad considering that this here (humble) blog has no affiliation with a major media site, like most of the other results that show up.

Now, if I could only get those weekend chickens to start pulling their weight here…

Chow for now!!

Not much on TV at 5:00 in the morning. I suppose I could watch morning newscasts, but who wants to clutter up their brains with that sort of stuff, first thing in the morning? I suppose if I looked hard enough, I'd find some cartoons. Too dopey...

Found "Cheers", so at least I've got something to chuckle at....

Chow for now!

It’s been two weeks since Fleetwood Mac cancelled their tour stop for here in Calgary (on the day of the flippin’ concert no less), and still no word yet on a rescheduled return date. Even though I await here by my phone, newspaper in hand, radio and TV in the background, no word. 

We are Mac-less, in more one ways than one…

 Chow for now!! 

The irony is not lost on me – despite having a chance earlier in the year to switch to a Mac computer, and now having extended my reliance on Windows by snapping up a netbook laptop – I must post these blogs on a Safari web browser. It’s like Mac and Apple are the only kind souls on the digital planet, “nice folks”, and yet I still insist on choosing to go out with the troubled “bad boys” of the computer world.

 Aaargh!!!

 At any rate, the newest version of Explorer, the Windows- based web browser offered by Microsoft seems to not allow me to copy and paste from Word docs anymore, which is how these postings are born. And that’s only because:

a)      I often forgot to use the Spell-Check feature on Blogger, in my haste to post, and found myself making even less sense than I do now, and

b)      Blogger used to crash or freeze during my posts, probably because they are a competitor to Microsoft. So on the odd occasion where I wrote a blog that was worthy of some sort of global digital media award, it would disappear into the electronic abyss, never to be seen again. I was starting to get a sloped forehead, from all the banging of that part of my noggin on the wall beside my desk.

 At any rate, in order to continue writing these posts in advance on Word, then copying and pasting to the web, I have to use a Mac browser.

 Just a little dagger in my heart, every time I think or what could have been…

 Or may yet be???

Chow for now!!

I am pleased to report that despite a small threat of rain yesterday, our weekend here in the Such Is Life household was primarily spent enjoying the Great Outdoors (albeit only as far as our own back yard…).

 Yessir, we ate outside, read the newspaper outside, played cards outside, and even avoided household chickens – all the while outside. It was a great weekend.

 Although, I still managed to get haunted by the number 11 during the past 48 hours – in entirely unrelated settings. Both indoors and outdoors.

 Saturday night, we were watching the Steve Carell remake of “Get Smart”, and ran out of gas, likely due to too much fresh air from our time spent outdoors. We stopped the show on our PVR, but when we took it back up again Sunday, we discovered that we had stopped it at EXACTLY 1:11!! Aye Caramba!

We then decided to talk a little walk (outside – it’s better than circling our living room repeatedly), and we were walking down a little side street in our neighbourhood when I felt an urge to turn around at loo at the house we were walking past – it was street address #111!!  Vaya Con Dios!! 

Finally, we got back home and settled in for the night, and decided to order a pay-per-view movie – Mickey Rourke’s “The Wrestler” (excellent flick, by the way…). Which turned out to be loaded with 11’s – the unit of his manager’s home is number 11, and his daughter lives at #29 – which adds up to 11.

Numbers 11, 111, and 1111 – hear me now – leave us alone, or reveal why in the name of sweet potato pie you are stalking me.

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

I am not crazy…

Oh crap – I did that eleven times….

Oy...Chow for now…

One weekend later, but our gazebo is now up and at 'em. As a matter of fact, we had a lovely little barbecue last night, and sat on our patio set admiring it. Today, we may even sit IN it!!



Summer may have finally arrived in our neck of the woods. We'll know for sure once it reaches our ankles. At any rate, we may be able to pack away our toques and earmuffs for sure this time.



Hey, this is the first blog post I'm making from our new netbook, a tiny laptop we plan on using for our trip to California in June. Aside from having a keyboard that only a mouse could love, this puppy has all the functions of a larger system, but it's way smaller - for those delightfully roomy airline cabins. Again, only a mouse could love...



The best part - Windows XP, NOT Vista....



Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch 

Howdy humans, on this fine Saturday morn!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Well, ole Cornelius has done gone an loss his mind – he thinks he’s gonna be a late-nite infomercial king!! 

BUK-AAAAWK!!!! 

Yessir, Corny’s got hisself a popcorn maker, and he plans on sellin’ these things on late-nite TV. I ain’t got the heart to tell his dumb pinfeathers that these things are available in stores everywhere already…. 

BUK-AAAAWK!!!! 

Although, we are talkin’ about humans here, and one that watch late-nite TV infomercials, so maybe he ain’t so crazy after all…

Hmmm...

I think I oughta consider tryin’ that sales bit misself! Mebbe I could come up with a formula for premature feather loss. Or a lotion to smooth over those rough claws after a hard day a walkin’ around the coop!

I think I may need to get workin’  on this. If I wants ta get a convertible this summer, I need to increase my cash flow. Cluck, I need ta GET a cash flow!! 

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Hot damn, way ta go Cornelius! Yer a clickin’ genius!!

Cluck for now!!

I either have a screw loose, or a wish to die by a massive brain implosion, brought about by heightened levels of computerized frustration.

A couple of days ago, I foolishly agreed to install the newest version of Internet Explorer, not even considering for a moment that Explorer is a Microsoft product. Technologically, Microsoft and I get along about as well as a chicken that's accidentally wandered into a fox convention at dinnertime. We just don't...

Anyhoo - now all the things I used to take for granted, like being able to surf the web freely and happily, whilst whistling and flinging sun rays from a basket, appear to have come to a grinding halt. Yesterday, I couldn't even cut and paste into the latest version of Explorer.

Explorer? An explorer that's been hit in the head by an axe, maybe...

Well Safari and Firefox, looks like we're gonna be spending some quality time together....

Chow for now!!

Thursday - the day after Hump Day - a day which still elicits a giggle I will confess...

Thursday - named centuries ago for Olympic great Simon Thur. (Thurly you will believe that...)

Thursday - in my humble consideration, a far more appropriate day to be called Hump Day, because you have to get past Thursday to arrive at Friday...

Thursday - the morning you must have a cigarette, after enjoying Hump Day...

Thursday - actually, maybe it was named in error for the god Thor? Was Thor a god, or just a son of a god? Who knows this stuff? And, who eventually went to Valhalla State Penitentiary for misspelling Thorsday on the first calendars??

Thursday - a day I must scramble to get ready for actual commitments outside of my home office, and therefore lack the timer required to post something that actually makes sense..

Happy Thursday, or Thorsday, whichever day you happen to observe!!

Chow for now!

Wednesday - the work-week (such as it is here in the “Such-Is-Life” household) is already half-over. That’s not only a delightful thought, but also a sentence with a whole lot of hyphens…

Wednesday – the traditional day of the week that wieners and beans are served for supper in households all across North America. At least that’s what Mrs. That Dan Guy says every Wednesday when I press her for variety in our diet planning…

Wednesday – A far more logical day of the week for weddings than the ones on the weekend, wouldn’t you say? Just look at how the word is right there, in the name of the day!!

Wednesday – it is Wednesday, isn’t it???

Wednesday – the longest day of the week that precisely and immediately precedes Thursday.

Wednesday – a smoke screen for yet another day where I sit here without a single cohesive thought rambling through my cerebrum…

Chow for now!

Here it is, almost the end of May, and our furnace is working overtime. How delightful.

We had turned it off (a couple of times, actually) earlier this month, but keep having to fall back on it for little comforts like keeping our tap water flowing, and offsetting frostbite or hypothermia in the home.

Yesterday, we decided to be brave, and take a little walk in the rain. It was just a light drizzle, so we dressed for the weather, and even took umbrellas. After a bit of the hike had transpired, as hikes are prone to do when you’re actually moving one foot in front of the other in a continuous manner, we were heading back to our starting point. When the snow started to fall…

Oh, it’s not as bad as it sounds, even though it is almost June. Nothing like perpetuating the Canadian stereotype though! Now we’ve got extra material for our igloo roof!

On the plus side, the weather kept most other hardy souls off the trails, so we had the unexpected bonus of coming across a pair of deer grazing in the valley below the trail. They blended right in with the rest of the forest, in their camouflage parkas and hip waders. It was their exposed white tails that caught our attention. Deer should really learn to start wearing pants, and then maybe their natural predators might have a harder time spotting them whilst they graze.

At least, that’s how I see things…

Chow for now!!

Well, on the plus side, we had our first barbecue of the “summer” yesterday afternoon. A delightful meat-and-potatoes meal, fresh from the outdoor grill. It was absolutely heavenly.

On the negative side, we awoke to a light dusting of snow, frozen extremities, and a hasty need to restart the furnace, which is now humming merrily along in the background. We will never be accused of holding the oil and gas sector recovery back, here in Canada…

We’ve been enjoying a bit of a lazy long weekend, here in the Such Is Life household. The plan was to set up our back yard for summer enjoyment, but seeing as how summer has been hoofed in the gonads by Jack Frost, it would appear that we weren’t really so remiss in never getting around to that.

We did manage to pull out the BBQ and a patio table, but toward the end of preparing the meal, high Arctic winds had kicked in, and the sky was darkening, so we put almost all of that away, and ate in the house.

One thing we did manage to do – get out to an electronic superstore, to pick up a little something for our upcoming trip to California. More on that tomorrow…

Until then, I must remove my mittens and make Mrs. That Dan Guy and I some breakfast.

Chow for now!!

Oh brother…

About a year ago, I picked up a book I thought I really needed to read. It’s called “The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Improving Your Memory”.

But I keep forgetting to read it…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Our big plans to put up our gazebo yesterday afternoon were dashed on the shores of Lackadaisical Island. We just plum talked ourselves out of it, preferring instead to have a lazy day around the house.

In our defense, there were winds of almost a half a mile an hour, and a couple of light fluffy clouds seemed to be making aggressive overtures. We didn’t want to risk having to put our beers down, in the middle of the project. It just seemed far more prudent to recline on the sofa, with a bowl of popcorn.

For the record, the light fluffy clouds blew over, likely under the force of those winds. Turns out we could have put the dang thing up after all.

Which we’ll have to do today. Although, it is looking a little ugly out there right now.

Ugh…

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

BUK-AAAWK!!!!

Call the governor – we gotsa inhumane rights violation here!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Do we even gotsa governor in Canada?? Who cluckin’ cares – my rights is bein’ violated, and it ain’t right!!!

Just cause I gotta holda “somebody’s” credit card here, and ordered a few “accessories” for my home theatre system – “somebody” here goes nuts, and forces me inta slave labor – I gotta clean ALL the bathrooms in the house!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Oppressed chickens unite!!

I can’t hit the nightclubs with dishpan hands! It ain’t easy to remove the stench of rubber gloves, ya know…

Sheesh, sum people got so sensa humor. Or compassion – how am I supposed ta enjoy big-screen movies without tha benefit a surroun’ soun’?? What, is this Siberia??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Boys and girls, write letters – I don’t know who ya gotta send ‘em to, but send ‘em somewhere!! I must be free!!

Free range, even…

Cluck for now!!

It’s a long weekend in Canada, and possibly even wherever YOU may be reading this as well!

Yee-Haw!!

Our plans?

Well, here in the Such Is Life household, our big master plan for this weekend is to set up our screened gazebo, which is a roomy outdoor structure that we spend most of a day putting up to enjoy the Canadian outdoors, without the interference of rain (a common occurrence this month), mosquitoes (flying bayonets loaded with unsavoury diseases), and renegade Canadian beavers (admittedly rare is suburban back yards, but one can never be too pro-active in matters of preventive maintenance, I always say…).

I’d love to be planning on seeing Elvis Costello at the upcoming Winnipeg Folk Festival, but I guess the lucky beggars that live there will be doing that this summer…

Just sayin’…

Hey, we almost had three of the Original Six set to face off in the NHL finals – until the Boston Bruins were eliminated in overtime last night. Just as I was explaining what the Original Six were, to Mrs. That Dan Guy. I continue to be the kiss of death to any teams I root for.

It feels like I’m really rambling around all over the place this morning. I haven’t even had a chance to brag about how if you type “the buddy holly story stage west calgary reviews” into Google, this here blog will turn up in the top ten search results.

Wait!!! Don’t do that right now!

I haven’t signed off yet…

Chow for now!!

Of all the crazy weather patterns we’ve seen since moving to Calgary a few years ago, the other day completely took the cake. And if you think “someone left the cake out in the rain”, well, yeah, but there was snow too!

Monday afternoon I heard a racket outside. When I looked out our living room window, there was indeed foul weather afoot – a thunderstorm – nothing unusual for the prairies.

However, this was also the first time I’ve ever seen snow falling during a thunderstorm. In freakin’ May…

We have heard that you can literally get snow every month of the year here, but we just laughed that off as the ravings of folks inhaling too much bovine methane emissions.

As we hope to put up our gazebo this weekend, I am wondering if maybe the people saying that sort of thing all the time are just charming loons, or if we should consider waiting to make a summer igloo instead. That way, when the temperature gets way up there on the old thermometer in July and August, we’ll be cool as cucumbers in our ice structure.

Crazy? Crazy like a snow fox…

Chow for now!!

Ugh…

Today’s post was SUPPOSED to be “The Wednesday Morning Nobody Asked Me To, yada yada yada review: Fleetwood Mac”, but sadly the classic rock band’s concert scheduled for Calgary last night was cancelled at almost the very last minute. I was already on my way into downtown to pick up Mrs. That Dan Guy when I got word on the radio station I listen to. And there I was, all dressed up in my Stevie Nicks Goth Collection garb – try ordering a sub sandwich with all that distraction for the poor guy at the counter…

Ugh…

We were SOOO jazzed to see this show, even though technically speaking it was definitely NOT going to be a jazz concert. I can’t even begin to go on about how much we wanted to see these guys, because that is all fodder for my actual posting when we DO get to see those guys. There’s only so much fresh material rolling around in this old skull of mine.

So, we just have our fingers crossed, hoping that the new date is one that we can still attend. As it was, we had to pass on rant comic Lewis Black who was also scheduled for a show here last night, after Big Mac’s concert tickets had already been purchased. This is the same Lewis Black we had hoped to see in Reno, but whom rescheduled his date there to avoid us while we were in town. A fella could develop a complex!

As if all this isn’t frustrating enough, the ole Crapmaster 2000 is really in fine form this morning. The internet has been disconnecting repeatedly since the computer finally agreed to start up this morning, and my keyboard completely failed midway through typing this post. Kick me when I’m down, eh Windows Vista???

Chow for now!!

“Mary had a little lamb; its fleece was white as snow,
And with each and every day that passed, Mary was damn thankful she hadn’t chosen a baby pig for her new pet.”

“If Old McDonald had a farm, was his visionary entrepreneurial cousin named Ronald?”

Least Popular Nursery Rhyme of 2009 – “this little piggy had a runny nose; this little piggy had chills…”

Chow for now!

Hmmm. The 11th…

Hey, does anybody else out there enjoy watching the poker on TV? I suppose a lot of you do, because Sunday night is a poker-watcher’s Utopia, at least up here in Canada. GSN (Game Show Network) alone features hours and hours of back-to-back poker shows. “High Stakes Poker”, “World Poker Tour”, “Poker! Poker! Poker!”, “Poker In The Poconos”. It’s delightful!

For a guy that doesn’t really watch a lot of sport shows, I can sit and watch poker for hours on end. Just last night, sitting on the sofa in my Binion’s t-shirt (a big shout-out to the gg’s), I must have watched about 8 hours of televised poker. OK, I’m probably exaggerating there a bit – it couldn’t have been more than seven and a half hours – we did have to make dinner, and even those frozen meals need more than a few minutes to spring to life in the microwave…

So, what’s the fascination with televised poker? Maybe it’s the lingo – poker comes with a language all its own. Don’t believe me? Try watching any of the programs without a Poker-To-English translation guide. It can’t be done, unless you spend a lot of time watching the shows. How else will you know that you can draw dead with a middle pocket pair, on the River?

To be honest, I’m not even sure that you can draw dead with a middle pocket pair on the River, but you see what I mean? There’s a whole other language out there for professional poker players.

Poker. On TV. There are worse ways to spend your time…

Chow for now!

The Sunday Morning “Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway” Evening Out Review – “FunnyFest” Calgary Comedy Festival.

(Or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Evening Out Reviewer…)

Last night, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I took in the second-last evening of “FunnyFest”, Calgary’s annual (9th this year) comedy festival – incidentally second in size only to Montreal’s world-famous “Just For Laughs” chuckle-wagon. So, it’s rather a big deal.

You can browse their website for more info:

http://www.funnyfest.com/ or, stay here and submit yourself to more of my own personal reflections. The choice is yours.

And thanks for staying - you’ve clearly made the right decision (but you should still visit their website after you’ve read today’s posting).

“FunnyFest” features comics from all across Canada, the United States, and even a former Canuck now living in England. There are a number of local folks as well, such as the gentleman pictured above. Paul Kuster is a local aboriginal comic, whose last name happens to be Kuster. Spelling aside, that nugget is not lost for potential comic opportunities, which Kuster mines delightfully. MTDG and I had a preview of his performance at an appreciation dinner for Canadian Diabetes Association volunteers here in Calgary. His routine last night was identical, but it illustrates exactly how strong his stuff is – we laughed just as hard, even knowing what the punch-lines were going to be. Only at the stand-up game a few years so far, Kuster is already smooth as the areas of my head that hair has long since vacated from.

There were a load of great performances, both from the U.S. pros, and the Canucks. The headliner that closed out the performances last night, Tommy Savitt had a great routine somewhat presenting himself as a potential catch for the ladies in the audience, but continually seeming to come up with comic deal-breakers. Another highlight.

One surprise – no mention of swine flu at all until almost the very end of the show. Go figure – an easy target, forsaken by most of the performers.

We’ll be sure to check this out again next year – and visit a few of the other venues. We chose this one last night because, uh…well, I won’t lie to you. It was the Stampede Casino, and we know how to get there.

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

Top o’ tha mornin’, feather-lackers! Charlie saloots ya!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Hey humans, lookie here – ole Charlie has moved inta the 18th Century – I got misself a Birdberry!!

That’s right kids – now I’m textin’ and e-mailin’ and phone-callin’ up a storm – which is all well and good, but I need to find a few fellow cluckers with one of these thingies themselves… Pretty quiet on the respondin' front.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Still, I can see why these things is so cluckin’ addictive – did you know you can set it up to make different sounds when it rings?? Just like Star Trek!! Beam me up some Jim Beam, Scottie!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Of course, I will admit that this is one of those occasions where I regret not havin’ fingers – them little keys are a pain in the pinfeathers to peck at – and don’t get me started on my stubby little chicken wings!!

I can even set myself reminders on what they call a day-timer. Although for an active bird like misself, it oughta be a night-timer. I think I may be part owl!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

So, I gotta get the word out to somma my pals, and definitely the ladies – ole Charlie is wired!!

Cluck for now!!

A Brief History Of Yellow Cut Wax Beans, As Relates Specifically To Me.

Ever since I was a young whippersnapper, which is a real term used to describe children that regularly snapped small tree branches knows as “whippers”, I have favoured yellow cut wax beans as my canned vegetable of choice.

Sure, some people would suggest that canned vegetables are over-homogenized, and feature all the nutrition value of consuming the contents of a foam pillow. Opposing opinions aside, I preferred canned yellow cut was beans above and beyond canned corn, canned peas, and candied yams.

To this day, I will shuffle the cans around in our pantry, avoiding all other canned vegetables, until I have enjoyed a serving of my beloved canned yellow cut wax beans.

But don’t try to get me going on the green variety – it HAS to be the yellow ones. Yellow seemed such a soothing colour tone on my plate, alongside and accompanying mashed potatoes, and a fine cut of broiled meat. Green beans just serve to remind me that vegetables are really fat grass – something a cow should be dining on.

Of course, that’s just one man’s preference…

Chow for now!!

I am into my second week of viewing my Facebook page more than once a year – it seems to be working out.

Then again, if you consider checking continually for new comments an improvement, I guess that’s what I’ve got going on.

On the Windows Vista front, things had started to settle down a bit, but lately I’m back to the same crapola I’ve come to expect from Vista. Just typing this post moments ago, the wireless keyboard and mouse that have been installed for over a year now befuddled Vista, and everything froze. It’s like Vista has a death wish. I’m one baseball bat away from converting Vista to pasta.

The other bit of fun that has consistently plagued or entertained me is the delightful aspect of Vista failing to recognize drivers. It seems to have to reinstall drivers vital to operation over and over again, even if I’ve loaded the software from a disc. You could say that Vista is a few microchips short of a picnic, but even that might be giving it too much credit.

I know what you’re thinking – That Dan Guy, why didn’t you switch over to Apple when you had the chance? Well, a) clearly I have latent masochistic tendencies, and b) I am a few microchips short of a picnic myself.

Oh well – Vista almost works 90% of the time, in a way that borders somewhere between migraine-inducing uselessness, and barely capable. Things could be worse, right?

Happy Happy Happy…

Chow for now!

Of all the sugary breakfast cereal choices, can there possibly be one that’s worse than all the others?

My research this week suggests “no” – they are all quite tasty indeed…

This morning – Fruit Loops!

Chow (literally) for now!

Happy Sink-o de Mayo!

Sink-o?

Did I hear that right on TV this morning? Who celebrates sinks and mayonnaise??? Aye Caramba…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Man, we are sure enjoying some of these TV shows featuring live performances right now, seeing as how scripted comedy and drama programs seem to have gone out the window with the turn of this century.

First off, we discovered that one of our favourite new shows – “Spectacle, With Elvis Costello” has mercifully turned into a hit, meaning that we have some relief from panting bachelors and bachelorettes sprinting past a gaggle of talking hot dogs, looking for their “soul mate”. Maybe those folks are the ones that need a sink filled with mayonnaise…

“Spectacle” in particular has featured a subdued elegance since it began running, and great guests from all across the musical spectrum. And if I’m not mistaken, it’s a Canadian show that’s a hit. Move over, “Littlest Hobo” - or learn how to play the piano!!

A few others well worth a viewing:

1) Legends And Lyrics, on public TV,
2) Live At The Artist’s Den

I guess the list was shorter than I thought, but the networks do have to keep the airwaves uncluttered for all the celebrity chefs that want to scream at novice helpers for 30 minutes.

Egads, man…

Chow for now!!

M - Moan…yet another new week begins - but never at the crack of noon, apparently…

O - Ornery, which frankly could apply to either one of us, on any given Monday morning. Especially if one of us (the one with less hair) has forgotten to reprogram the coffee maker back from the weekend settings.

N - Nuts! Shouldn’t every day be Saturday? Monday wouldn’t be so bad, if it didn’t fall so early in the week…

D - Dang! I have to give up our lavish weekend buffet breakfasts, and revert back to dry toast and soggy cereal. I may as well be a street urchin, facing a bowl of cold gruel!

A - Aargh!! Mrs. That Dan Guy used her highly-tuned detective skills to ferret out my secret stash of rubber bands from the morning newspapers, inspired to do so no doubt by the target they seemed to place on her back.

Y – Yikes! Look at the time! I need to get my caboose into the shower, and get ready to greet the week. It’s another exciting one, here in the Such Is Life household!

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

Happy Sunday morning, my favourite human friends! Hen Rietta here, with an exciting excerpt from my latest chick lit effort – “The Lust Luster”.

CLUCK!!!!

Avert young readers’ eyes – this one is particularly steamy!!

CLUCK!!!!

Chapter Six – High Heels & Higher Hopes”

Milly found herself in unfamiliar territory. She had never held a pair of stiletto heels in her hand before, and hesitated to take them straight up to the cash register. But the salesman today, ohhh. Sully had eyes deep as mystic pools, with the waviest hair she had ever seen in her young yet mature enough life. She wanted to be sullied by Sully.

Even though Sully had clearly gazed deeply into her soul, and read her mind as easily as a Dr. Phil self-help opus helps millions of others when he brought out this pair of exquisitely perfect shoes, Milly felt she had to extend this exchange, and gently nudge out some of his personal information.

“So, Mr. Sully – are you single?” she blushed out in a coy purr. Oh my – maybe that wasn’t quite as gentle a nudge as she had intended!

Sully’s softening eyes, and warm smile darn-near melted Milly on the spot. She hadn’t even felt this dishevelled after she had accidentally brushed up against George Clooney (twice) at a Starbucks – as he added sugar to his coffee. It may have been more convincing if she had already bought her own coffee, as she pretended to reach for a stir-stick…

Sully looked deep into her eyes, and his lips slowly parted. “No ma’am, these aren’t single shoes – they come in pairs”.

The illusion was shattered – Sully was clearly dim as a match flickering in the depths of the Grand Canyon. Smiling, she slipped out her VISA card, and at least salvaged the shoes from her exchange…

Sad, eh? Love lost, and all that!! I guess she’ll never know what might have been…

CLUCK!!!

More later, my feather-challenged amigos!!

Cluck for now!!

The Saturday Morning “Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway” Evening Out Review – “Buddy, The Buddy Holly Story” Stage West Theatre Restaurants Calgary.

(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer…)

One of the first live groups I ever saw without my parents’ accompaniment was a “greaser” cover group from Vancouver. They dressed up in 50’s wear, and played all the great hits of that era, which back then wasn’t really all that far behind us.

Last night, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I caught another British Columbia-originated band (now based in Toronto), bringing the same music to life as part of the just-opened Stage West production of “Buddy, The Buddy Holly Story”, here in Calgary.

Zachary Stevenson and Jeff Bryant of The Human Statues (more on that group later) help bring this show to eye-popping life, along with a talented supporting cast. Of all the shows we’ve seen here so far, this one absolutely tops the list. When we saw the Stage West run of “DreamGirls”, the very next day we picked up tickets to see James Brown. Unfortunately, he passed away about 12 days before his show here – but that show knocked our collective socks off.

When you see something requiring you to “suspend your disbelief”, you really do want to get “lost in the illusion”. You don’t even have to close your eyes to imagine Buddy Holly on stage for this show – for one thing, Stevenson’s ability to cover Holly songs is downright spooky – as perfect as you are ever going to get without actually sitting right in front of Buddy Holly. But his acting skills and energy sold the performance as well – along with the rest of the cast.

SPOILER ALERT: If you’re not familiar with the story of Buddy Holly’s meteoric rise to fame, the story does not have a happy ending. Holly and two of his musical colleagues died in a plane crash in 1959.

Essentially, the musical arcs his early career, and ends with his last concert. I really should know more of the actual story – I’ve seen the terrific film starring Gary Busey a number of times, and own the DVD. Bright and shiny… But I do know how authentic the music was – as a mobile DJ for years and years and years, I started most of my dances with “That’ll Be The Day” – the song never gets old.

This was also perhaps the most ambitious program we’ve seen here – it seemed like they had double the cast, but when everybody came out for bows afterwards we were surprised to see how few people fleshed out the show. Strong directing, loads of humour, and many highlights. (One in particular, a small town concert intermission act of a local accordion/horn/cymbal group doing the American anthem was about as hilarious as anything we’ve ever seen).

However, the star here was the music, faithfully presented, and gobbled up by the audience. The first act covers the beginning of Holly’s career – the second is a sheer celebration of the end part of his heyday (until you realize he doesn’t survive to the end of the show – hey, I warned you!!).

As it happens, if you’ve read this space for any time, you know I am befuddled by interesting or consecutive number combinations. Well, last night, of all the table the facility features, we were seated at Table #59.

This revival celebrates the 50th anniversary of Holly’s passing – in 1959. I was also born in 1959 – so once again spooky numbers are around me.

For trivia’s sake, Buddy Holly’s big hit “It Doesn’t Matter Anymore” was written by Canadian Paul Anka, who we saw live in concert not too long ago. Trivial? Perhaps…

Personal highlight – the acoustic version of “True Love Ways”. Guys, cut that on an upcoming cd – awesome!!

Oh yeah, I was gonna get back to The Human Statues ( http://www.thehumanstatues.com/ ). Check out this up and coming Canuck group – the promo video on their website alone is a howl, and the CD we bought on the way out the door was instantly enjoyable playing on our drive home – too many influences to even try narrowing down, but they have a knack for catchy songs that stick on the first listen.

Alright, enough gushing – you get the idea. If you’re reading this in the Calgary area, get your tickets pronto.

(Holy Crow, this is dangerously close to a real review!!)

(Poultry lovers, Charlie will return tomorrow morning.)

Chow for now!!

Simple & Inexpensive Entertainment Tips For Troubled Times

Part 1 – “Rubber Band, Rubber Band Man…”

Hey, who sang that old song anyway – was it The O’Jays?? Dang, now the silly thing is in my head…

Anyhow, do you find yourself in these tough economic times, trying to figure out how to keep your own personal morale up, whilst utilizing an inexpensive form of entertainment?

Here’s my hot tip for this week in May – and, it’s essentially free!!

Every morning, my morning newspaper is delivered, held together by a simple rubber band. I will squirrel those elastics aside for a few days, and then one morning while Mrs. That Dan Guy is crawling her bleary-eyed self up the stairs to get ready for work, I will “shoot” one at her. The spare rubber bands come in handy for when she charges me, to confiscate and or pretend to want to cause me some injury.

We laugh for hours afterwards. Sometimes she frisks me for more of the hidden elastics, which can be fun first thing in the morning. Other times, I yelp out “IMMUNITY!!” and she is forced to stand down by the rules of international rubber band warfare.

Give it a try, if you have access to rubber bands – your mornings will never be the same…

Chow for now!!