I see by the cover of the latest Reader’s Digest (at least the Canadian version) that the iconic Peas symbol turns 50 this spring.

First off, I wasn’t even aware that peas HAD a symbol, and if they did, why does it look like a “Y” in a circle? Wouldn’t a curvy pod have been a better choice??

Plus, I’m pretty sure that peas have been around a lot longer than the Sixties, so just because some “flower power” hippies decided to make a logo, why does that make the cover of a national magazine?

I am often so confused by things like this…

Oh well, in the spirit of the celebrations, “Peas” be with you, man!

Chow for now!!

Once there was a little chick, a chick that lived on a rural farm. Let’s say the farm was in rural Alberta, for argument’s sake…

This little chick was called Chicken Little. How appropriate was that?

Anyhow, Chicken Little had a bit of a problem. Well, two if you included the one he had at night, while he was in bed, but that one is pretty common amongst youngsters.

The bigger problem was that Chicken Little tended to exaggerate things. He would forever run around making mountains out of gopher holes. He drove all his little farmyard companions crazy with his wild exaggerations.

His favourite exaggeration of all was based on his kindergarten science observations – his presumption that the sky was falling. Falling, and would soon crush everyone on the little rural farm. He had pie charts, a scale model of a squished farm, and testimony from an expert in the field (the wheat field). But no one would believe Chicken Little, because he was always exaggerating.

One night, he managed to triangulate the exact day that the sky would fall, and it happened to be Wednesday morning. Armed with anecdotal evidence, and a skookum Powerpoint presentation, Chicken Little called a town hall meeting, to try and save the little rural farm.

Farmer Brown (aren’t they all called Farmer Brown?), fed up with this annoying little chicken, told Chicken Little that he finally believed him, and he would be shipping him off immediately to a safer place, to the far-away Colonel Sanders Plumping Ranch. Chicken Little was thrilled, and packed his bags right after evening dinner. He hopped the 7:45 Greyhound, and was welcomed at the plumping farm with open arms.

The next day, Wednesday morning, the sky fell, exactly as predicted. Everyone on Farmer Brown’s farm was crushed, and I don’t mean that as a reference to being hugely disappointed. They would have been menu items at an IHOP…

I guess I should have thought ahead for a moral here, but if a little chicken is telling you to watch your backside, it might be prudent to listen to what he’s saying…

Chow for now!!

Why do they call Bran Flakes “flakes”, when the cereal is clearly more like a bird’s nest of twigs and branches? Pour a little bit out of the box, and see for yourself. You could weave an Easter basket out of the stuff. Talk about fibre - Bran Flakes could be used to make pressed fibre board!

Now, I suppose I shouldn’t sit here, first thing in the morning, and malign a perfectly lovely breakfast cereal. But for the love of Zeus, who would willingly eat a wicker basket? All I see when I look at the stuff is that it could make for wonderful thatching material, for a scale-model house roof. Or, if you had a miniature train set, you could recreate a very believable forest floor.

Uh…

Oh-oh…

Whoops! My bad. I just realized that I’ve been talking about All Bran, NOT Bran Flakes. Bran Flakes are like Corn Flakes, with a coat of armour. All Bran is the cereal product that looks like a shredded tweed blazer.

My humble apologies.

Chow for now!!

Man, what a weird day around the house yesterday…

We awoke to the sound of a loud “thump”, which turned out to be Charlie hitting the carpet. Considering the size of our little poultry pal, it was hard to imagine he could make that much of a sound simply on contact with the floor. We thought he had finally suffered a heart attack or something, but turns out he had just fainted. What a drama queen…

Not sure what the fuss was all about, but things sure were chirpy around here for the rest of the day. I could swear Charlie was trying to tick us off with a bad ventriloquist act, but how he made it sound like three little chicks was beyond me.

After breakfast, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I tackled a major reconfiguration of our bonus room, which serves as our main TV/flop room. We’ve never been happy with it, ever since we first moved in. Too much going on in there.

The sacrifice was our beloved poker/bumper pool table, which was just too big to fit into the space. Now, when I watch poker on TV, I’ll have to use my lap, or a big coffee table book, to play along with the pros. And, as for my dream of a spot on the 2010 Olympic Bumper Pool Team – well, que sera sera…

The end result however, was a far more functional TV/flop room, which we instantly flopped in, to watch some TV. “Reign Over Me”, the recent Adam Sandler/Don Cheadle movie. Pretty good, if I do say so myself.

We also took in “Fast Food Nation” (both from Movie Central), a slam on the hamburger industry. With graphic footage of a meat processing plant, Mrs. That Dan Guy vowed NEVER to eat another hamburger. Which prompted Charlie to run for cover…

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

Howdy doodles, featherless friends! Ole Charlie is makin’ a special weekday appearance, due to a special delivery package I received this mornin’.

I'm always getting’ surprises from fans and admirers, so I couldn’t wait to open the perforated box, and see what was in it. I was hopin’ it might be a puppy, or a chicken-sized BMW, but all I got was these stooped eggs!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Clearly some jive turkey’s idea of a joke. I mean, I know that chickens has sumtin ta do with eggs, but personally, I ain’t one a them chickens. I know that eggs end up in bakin’, or WITH bacon on breakfast tables, but beyond that, I really don’t give a cluck about ‘em. I’m kinda hardboiled, that way.

Heh Heh Heh Heh…

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Not even sure what the pluck I gotta do with these things. Do ya put a blanket on ‘em? DO ya stick ‘em under a heat lamp, or toss ‘em in the frigerator? Man, I ain’t got the patience for this – I gotta scramble off ta the cigar store!!

Heh Heh Heh Heh….

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Well, one thing for sure, I’d like to get my claws on the boob that sent me this package, and give ‘em a yolk shampoo, ta show my gratiturd at this generous gift.

Flippin’ eggs…do I LOOK like a sausage link???

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck for now!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why I haven’t mention Windows Vista, the preferred computer operating system in Hades, for awhile. You’re thinking, That Dan Guy has clearly resolved his issues, and is now enjoying the manifold benefits of technology’s greatest innovation.

Ha Ha Ha!!!!

What I have been doing is discovering that every passing day with Vista is like playing Hide and Seek with your patience and resources. The latest quirk, is a unique little gag it pulls, where the operating system default language changes. I can’t tell if it’s Spanish, or Martian, but all the apostrophes load backwards, which causes Spell Check to have a mental breakdown before I can close or send a document. And, if you try to get around that flaw, by pressing “Ignore All”, Vista (or Spell Check) presumes that to mean “Continue Checking All” and goes about its business as usual.

Another little hoot that we share is the default printer. On computers that actually work, you are able to enter the control panel, and choose which printer the computer defaults to. Pretty simple, right? Well, on my Vista OS, every time you restart the computer, it defaults to some printer that doesn’t actually do anything, and refuses to acknowledge any other printers installed and attached to the computer. It’s either really stubborn that way, or its processor may have suffered severe head trauma, somewhere along the production or shipping process.

I maintain, Windows Vista is the single best advertising for Apple Computers I have yet to see, and cannot wait until I have the wherewithal to make the switch.

Hope that clears things up…

Chow for now!!

Go, Canadiens!!

How much is one person supposed to endure?

First, the Anaheim Ducks, the defending Stanley Cup champion Anaheim Ducks no less, were sent along early to the golf course. Last night, the hometown team was brutalized out of the playoffs as well. I must now fall back on my default team – the team I worshipped right from my youth.

Go, Montreal!!

Nothing like major-league sports to bring out loyalty in a fan…

During breaks in the hockey game last night, MTDG and I flipped over to CNN, to peek in on the Pennsylvania primary coverage. Talk about your epic battles, that there is shaping up to be a doozy. Despite being repeatedly checked into the boards, Clinton dusts herself off, and scores when it counts. This long and drawn out nomination process in the States sure makes Canadian politics seem even duller than they actually are, in real life.

Now that I have the morning to reflect over how we spent our evening last night, I’m kind of regretting postponing watching Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels, to stay with the hockey game. Oh well, it’ll perk up our evening tonight, as we recover from our disappointment over last night’s events.

At least it didn’t snow again, as it had been forecast…

Chow for now!

What to do? What to do to get your mind off of a fourth straight day of snow, in the third week of April??

Well, for one thing – think warm thoughts. My…my elbows are sooo warm…

(HOW WARM ARE THEY???)

My elbows are so warm, I could incubate eggs on…hey, wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute!!

I do have something to relate today, after all…

Last night, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I were driving home from work, and approaching a familiar pedestrian overpass, that we underpass every day. Yesterday however, we noticed a bit of a commotion as we approached it.

As we drew closer, we could see some sort of character, dancing around. Once we were able to clearly make it out, it was…a dancing chicken!! Can you believe it? Some local radio station mascot, doing the chicken dance, to promote some service in the area of the overpass.

He was hilarious. His costume was pretty authentic, and with a house full of miscellaneous chickens here, we should know. His scrawny little chicken legs were flailing around, during his enthusiastic huckstering of whatever product or service it was – we were laughing too hard to read his sandwich board sign.

Just as we drove underneath him, he turned around, and mooned oncoming traffic.

Only in our world…

Game Seven tonight, GO FLAMES!!!

Go Flames!!!!

Ahem…

So, it would appear that we didn’t get the third straight day of snow (today) as previously forecast, at least not so far. And it can’t snow once the sun comes up, right? I think my shovel is officially off the hook.

I suppose the continued stay of winter here is somewhat appropriate, considering we are in the middle (or muddle in some instances) of the 2008 Stanley Cup playoffs. It always feels a bit more authentic watching grown men skate around on a sheet of ice, when you have three-foot snow banks outside your own front door. By the time the whole endeavour winds down in mid-August, you can lose your sense of reality over sporting games on sheets of ice – how can that be, you ask – when you’re sweating like a yak in flip-flops, a Speedo and muscle shirt??

And just while we’re on the topic of sweating yaks, if you are wearing a muscle shirt in really excessively hot temperatures, consider shaving, if you happen to be as bodily-hair blessed as Sasquatch. It can be extremely unbecoming to watch how human body hair reacts, when combined with heat and sweat. Blech….

That’s my tip for the day, folks!

Chow for now!!

Day Two, Snow-Swept Tundra…

As I gaze out my front window today, I simply view a vast sea of white. The driveway I shovelled yesterday is covered over once again. The roads are somewhat cleared, but blowing winds have undone what the road-clearers accomplishing overnight. In the third week of April, we have been buried under by Mother Nature’s sense of humour, or a terribly excessive case of dandruff. Bah, humbug…

In the distance, I’m pretty sure a couple of polar bears are chasing a seal that was foolish enough not to use the pedestrian crosswalk, a bit further away from their den. There is smoke rising from all the roofs of the other igloos in our neighbourhood, as furnaces have been turned on once again – today it is -20° C, with the wind-chill. A perfect temperature for setting ice cubes.

A navy icebreaker is trying to open up parts of the creek alongside a nearby golf course. Even with 3-foot drifts of snow, calls of “fore” can still be quite clearly heard. I can’t imagine any endeavour I would be that passionate about, to have to wear a ski suit just to participate.

And worst of all, we have a basement full of tulips, which we had hoped to plant in our yard this weekend. Now we’ll have to buy a goat, to feed them to.

Life – so fragile, and often so cruel…

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

"Springtime In Alberta"

Charlie Chicken here, reportin’ live from the scene of my front stoop, where boatloads of snow has fallen overnight, and continues to crap up the roads. As you can see, the level is dangerously close to my pinfeathers…

Buk-AAAAWK!!!

The long-term forecast indicates snow, followed my more snow, and then a bit more snow - over the next three days. Even Frosty the cluckin’ Snowman would be inclined ta say “Hold off there, Mother Nature – it’s April, for Pete’s sake!!”

Buk-AAAAWK!!!

By the hammer of Thor, my cluckin’ chicken legs are losin’ feelin’ My knees are like those old clacker toys from the '70’s – they keep bangin’ together, and if my teeth chattered any harder, I could hire myself out as an electric stapler!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!

Back to the news. There’s cluckin’ snow everywhere ya look. I’m pretty sure that my pinfeathers are collectin’ snow, the longer I stand out here and talk to YOU turkeys! This is for the birds!! I don’t make enough chicken scratch to stand out here in my birthday suit, and point out sumthin’ as obvious as snow everywhere the pluckin’ eye can see!! I’m a professional, for pity’s sake!! Why ain’t I interviewin’ Oprah???

I’m done with this @#*#@ !!!

Cluck for now!!!!!!

**********************************************************************************
Had a glass of milk last night before bed, and I’m pretty sure there were literally CHUNKS of Vitamin D, clearly visible to the naked eye. Aren’t the nutrients in stuff like milk usually somewhat hidden? Or were those solid matters something altogether different than nutrients?
**********************************************************************************
Bad evening on the ice for the Calgary Flames last night. They are now down a game in the playoffs, and need to win two in a row, to advance to the next level. Whose knees do I have to wallop with a collapsible baton??
*********************************************************************************
I see that famed children’s entertainers The Wiggles are coming to town, for a concert. Appropriately enough named, if I was a kid, that’s what I’d be doing if one of those weirdos ever came close to me – I’d be wiggling my carcass away as fast as possible…
*********************************************************************************
We were supposed to have a Dairy Queen Dilly Bar, once we returned home from the Brooks & Dunn/Alan Jackson concert the other night. But we never did. That makes me sad…
*********************************************************************************
I don’t know about the rest of the country, or where YOU live, but we are forecast to receive 3 straight days of snow, here in Calgary. Ah, springtime in Canada…
*********************************************************************************
Wow!

I got nothin’ to go with that – just felt like exclaiming something…

*********************************************************************************
Chow for now!

The Thursday Morning ``Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway” Concert Review – Brooks & Dunn, and Alan Jackson.

(an abbreviated version, due to time crunch this morning)

(Oh yeah, also knows as Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer…)

Yee-Haw, pardners! Last night the missus and I went country, with a couple of Nashville’s biggest touring acts. Acts that we have already seen perform live, even though it would have been 18 or so years before, for both of them…

The old Saddledome was bootin’ and scootin’ with those ole guitar-pluckin’ buckaroos Brooks & Dunn. These cowboys have more hits than Barry Bonds, and we heard a lot of those last night. We last saw these fellers when they had their first or second album out, so much has happened in the interim. They were on their game, and from our vantage point up in the rafters, the crowd on the arena floor was on their feet for the whole dang show. Two belt buckles up, for a mighty fine bit of entertainin’…

Then Mr. Cool himself strode out onto the stage, Mr. Alan Jackson. Last time we saw him, he had an inflatable rubber juke-box slowly spring to life, during his hot new hit of the time. Last night, when he performed the same song, a digital jukebox rotated on the three split screens, so what can you say – times change… Pretty darn cool, if you ask me.

Again, this guy has more hits than William Tell had holes in apples, so it was a challenge to hear every one that we had hoped to. But he did an admirable job squeezing in what he did over the course of his energized, peppy little set. He just has this “aw, shucks” personality that the crowd soaks up, charms the pants right off of them. We were too far away to see anyone pantless in the crowd, but you can bet your Bippy that there were many.

I could go on and on, but we’re rushing out the door extra early today, so let’s just say this would have put a smile on the sternest steer’s face.

Ride ‘em, cowboys!!

Chow for now!!

Does anyone else out there worry about what ingredients may be in a wrap, or soft taco? They always seem so secretive to me. All wrapped up, no way to see what’s going on in there…

At least with a hamburger or hot dog, you have a bit of a viewing window, to know what’s going on in between the buns. As a matter of fact, you can often CHOOSE what goes in between the buns. That sort of power gives me the confidence to confidently bite into a hamburger or hot dog, and know (as I believe I may have brought up in the past) that I will NOT chomp down on say, for example, a miniature Frisbee, or a stack of poker chips…

Wraps, or soft tacos however…well, that’s an entirely different playing field. Those things can (on occasion) be entirely delicious, but they can also hide things in their overall wrapiness, and closed ends – hide ingredients that WOULD give me grave cause for concern!

Maybe I worry too much…

Eh…

Chow for now!!

What a day, yesterday!!

First off, as you may be able to deduce from Cornelius’ photo, there’s a bit of premature spring fever in the air around here. Corny was anxious to cool off, as the temperatures hit about 20° C here on Sunday. We had to turn off the furnace, plus crack open some windows.

Well, come morning, it was pretty nippy in here. Even our remote control had crawled under a pillow on the couch overnight, in search or warmth and comfort. Windows were closed, and furnace fired back up. Songs were sung in jubilant joy for the invention of warmth.

However, later in the day – soaring temperatures once again required that we – you got it – turn off the furnace, and crack open some windows. The remote peeked out from its cozy little vantage point, but refused to leave the space it occupied underneath a couch pillow. Wuss…

Mrs. That Dan Guy and I had settled in for the evening, watching TV, while our recording machines where busily recording all the TV we couldn’t watch at one time. When the power went out on our entire block…

How fragile a world we live in, when Howie Mandel can suddenly vanish from your TV screen, and you’re left with a blackened abyss. An abyss without Deal Or No Deal. It sucks, let me be the first to tell you…

Anyhoo, we popped on the laptop, and read e-mails that had already been delivered, to pass the time. We went to bed when the power didn’t come back on by 11:00, but just as I was falling asleep, the power did indeed return to our outlets – TV on full blast; dishwasher completing the cycle interrupted; Charlie caught with a beakful of my cold beer, in the light of the open refrigerator door…

Once all those annoyances had been attended to, including the pilfering poultry, it was back to bed for this old cowboy.

Spring is in the air, though. I just may join Corny in that birdbath if the temperature climbs again today…

Chow for now!!

Running a bit behind today, as we have an unusually early departure time this morning.

In lieu of an actual posting, I am going to jot down a few of my favourite childhood jokes – still as clear today as they were almost a hundred years ago…

Joke # 1

What is Snow White’s brother’s name??

Egg White – get the yolk???

Get the “yolk”!!!

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!

Joke # 1

It must be raining cats and dogs outside….

Why do you say that?

Because I just stepped in a poodle!!

Stepped in a “poodle”!!!

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!

Omigod, those just KILL me!!

Better run…

Chow for now!!

(GO FLAMES!!!!)

“Talkin’ ‘Bout Monkeys…”

Friday night, we went to see Dr. Jane Goodall, and her fascinating presentation: “Talkin’ ‘Bout Monkeys!”

It may actually have been “Gombe & Beyond”, but whatever she called it, over the course of about 90 minutes, we heard all about her life, and her career in Africa – learning about chimpanzees.

For example, did you know that humans have about 98% of their DNA in common with chimpanzees? Men have even more!

Dr. Goodall stood alone on the rather large stage, and spoke with charm, humour, and much passion about her life’s work – starting back in 1960, after growing up reading about Tarzan and (the other) Jane. Funny, I’ve been reading about Spiderman since I was a kid, and despite every effort I employ, I am still completely unable to swing from webs, or crawl vertically up the side of skyscrapers. And it’s not for a lack of trying, let me tell you…

Dr. Goodall covered the changes she has seen in 48 years of research, and unfortunately, none of it was very good. When she began her program, there were over 1 million chimpanzees in the wilds of Africa. Now, most of them work in low-paying fast food restaurant jobs.

No, no –just kidding. The bad news was that there are now less than 100,000 chimpanzees, left trying to survive in the wild. At this point, I should probably direct you to www.janegoodall.ca , for actual facts, because really, this probably isn’t the best place to come for actual facts and truth. But this is a serious topic, so please, visit that website, and you might view just a fragment of what we were treated to, Friday night…

Chow for now!!

Oooo Oooo Oooo….

Chicken Scratch

Alright, boys. It’s just one loss – we can get it back!!

GO FLAMES!!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!

That’s right, featherless fiends, it’s NHL playoff time, so ole Charlie’s got a repeat picture for this weekend – I ain’t posed for my official photographer yet. But hey, it’s better’n last week – Banjo Boy didn’t even run my column!! Bastard!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!

So, the Flames/Sharks series is tied 1-1. But let’s just keep in mind – at the end of the day, a shark is just a big fish, and a Flame WILL burn their finny caboose. Batter up, Sharks – time to head into the deep fryer!!

Man, I get so cluckin’ excited, come playoff time. For one thing, I ain’t wore pants since the series started. I picked up more potato chips than a person should ever eat over the course of a decade. And, I’m sitting on a keg of beer, as I type this out!! Hockey Rocks!!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

But try explainin’ that to the Piddleburger Doughhead here. He can’t figure out why they don’t try dribblin’ the puck. He thinks the defensemen are short stops.

I ain’t sayin’ he’s a bit on the slow side when to comes to hockey, but he thinks Wayne Gretzky was a Russian villain, in a Austin Powers movie. This boy is dense as a old-fashioned wooden hockey stick!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Better run, I need to pick up cheese and baloney, and I don’t wanna lose my spot on the La-Z-Boy…

Cluck for now!!

Today’s Music Review: Madonna, “The Immaculate Collection”

Every once in a while, a CD comes out from a new artist, and I have to marvel at how much the performer sounds like a music veteran. “The Immaculate Collection” is one of those CDs…

From lead track “Holiday”, down to the second-last song “Justify My Love” (the closing song ain’t so great), Ms. Madonna shows much promise as an artist – she could very well have a few hits on this album!

In particular, “Like A Virgin” is downright danceable, even though a bit risqué in the titling. I suppose as long as she doesn’t influence younger listeners, this song might prove to be popular, given time.

Also notable – “Like A Prayer”, somewhat the “other side of the coin” to the clearly sexually themed aforementioned virgy song. I can almost see her, dressed demurely, a role model for youngsters with this song.

Another track I quite enjoyed was entitled “Material Girl”, obviously a tribute to fabric, and maybe even the joy of cobbling together your own clothes. Has anyone ever seen a picture of this young lady? She seems to me to be a fresh-faced, innocent little warbler, aside from the smutty title of that song about some virgin…

Although, maybe there is a darker side to this newcomer. In “Papa Don’t Preach”, she’s pretty much invoking atheism, or at the very least, she seems uncomfortable with sermons.

Hmmm. I may have to re-listen to this disc. Now that I think about it a bit more, I’ll bet if I played it backwards, there could even be satanic messages hidden within the tracks!!!

Well, so much for my glowing endorsement. Even though many of these songs sound like they could do pretty well with a bit of radio airplay, or a video on TV, I’m not so sure I can endorse this woman, after sober second thought…

Today’s rating: 2 out of 5 stars…

Chow for now!!

NHL Hockey – The 2008 playoffs begin, with a RESOUNDING Calgary Flame victory over the San Jose Sharks last night, in Game One of their series. OK, 3-2 may not seem all that “resounding”, but it is in the win column, so take that, el Sharkos…

Viva Le Calgary Flames!!

Enjoy the sushi this round!!

Chow for now...

Now, I don’t want to worry Mrs. That Dan Guy, but if we could all keep this a bit on the downside for now, I’d sure appreciate it…

Last night, I thought I might relive part of my youth by bringing home one of those classic science projects for kids – an ant farm.

The problem is, I sort-of tripped, coming in over that stupid threshold from the garage, which I will admit I’ve been told to repair time and time again – but I need to purchase a hammer. Which I suspect I had better put onto our grocery list pronto…

Anyhoo…

Well, this stupid ant farm hits the floor, and all I hear is this ugly “breaking glass” sort-of sound – then there’s this massive sprint – a sea of tiny black marathoners that decides its Spring Break here in the Such Is Life household. NOT GOOD!!!

Luckily, we happen to keep one of those handy little mini, hand vacuums right there in the mud room, which I put into employment immediately. However, some of these sprinters must have been Kenyan, because they had a clear advantage on the rest of the runners. Gone in 60 seconds!!

So, until I spot these little beggars again, who are sure to start rooting around for food sometime soon, I need to make sure that MTDG has NO idea that we have some uninvited houseguests.

And until this does resolve itself, I had better hold off on picking up a new ant farm…

Chow for now!!

It is a bit funny, considering how many shows we see, that we had to miss out on the biggest musical event this year in Canada. The Junos, a Canadian version of The Grammies (on a lower scale, but we ALSO participate in the actual Grammies), were filmed live - right here in Calgary this year. And a former Calgarian (Feist) cleaned up, winning I think just about everything she was nominated for.

We had to pass, considering we were flying back in from Ohio (via Chicago) on the big day of the event, and didn’t want to encourage our typical luck when travelling, which is to have at least one flight get delayed or cancelled, and miss the show completely. We did record it, so nobody spill the beans, please!!

The Junos can be one of the best awards shows on TV, next to Broadway’s Tony Awards. I know – what a stretch, eh??

Oh Oh!!

I just said “eh”!!

The universal Canadian detector, which came up frequently last week, whenever fellow attendees noticed Mrs. That Dan Guy and I were from Canada.

“So, how was your flight, eh?”

“So, even Canadians have male pattern balding, eh?”

“Do you have a pet beaver, eh?”

If only we would have been with a couple from North Dakota, to divert some attention away from ourselves…

Where was I??

Oh yeah! The Junos – best show on TV, yada yada yada…

Well, for MY money, the Junos can often be the best dang thing on TV when they roll around, and this year, we could have been in the audience! Life can be so cruel!!

Oh well, we’ve got tickets to hear Dr. Jane Goodall talk about monkeys later this week, so hopefully that will solve the sting of our Juno wounds. And for the record, I don’t think the Junos have anything to do with “Juno”, the recent hit movie written by a Canadian, and starring a young Canadian. But spooky in the similarity department, eh???

Aw, crap….there I go again….

Wattaya gonna do???

Chow for now!!

A bit sluggish out of the gate this morning. Combination jet-lag, exhaustion, and maybe just a bit of a reaction to the A & W hamburger meals we picked up at the drive-thru, on the way home from the airport last night. Beef can be playful in a body with a weakened immune system...

I could also be sluggish this morning due to trying to clear up the hard drive of our PVR, filled to the gills with all the TV shows we recorded while away this past week. I didn’t realize we watched as much TV as we apparently do, or maybe this was just a one-time programming quirk – each and every program we watch over the course of a month happened to be on in the six days we were away??

I’ll summarize this Bombeck conference once I regain full mental capacity (careful…I DO read the comments posted here…), but for now, a cup of coffee is beginning to sound like practical medical advice.

What I can say is that even though we had talked about skipping a year of this event (which only runs every second year ANYWAY), once you get back from something that was as exceptional and rewarding as this workshop was, you already begin planning your next trip out…just to see how they can top what they pulled off this time around.

I just may need to get a pacemaker installed, before the 2010 instalment…

Chow for now!!

GO FLAMES!!!!!

Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop

Day Three

This event passes so goddam quickly. Hard to believe last night was the final evening of the 2008 conference, but man, was it memorable.

We had exceptional sessions throughout the day, including a speaker over lunchtime that had been a staff writer for Phyllis Diller, and Bob Hope, among her many, many other humor-writing credits. She was a complete hoot and a holler.

The big surprise of “The Weekend We Came To Dayton To Hear Garrison Keillor” was Mike Peters (pictured above – not sure why I happen to appear as if I’m attempting to smuggle out a table setting in my derriere..), political cartoonist, Pulitzer Prize winner, and creator of the long-running Mother Goose & Grimm comic strip. He literally destroyed the ballroom last night with his manic presentation, and endless wealth of hilarious recollections of his life. I told him he was the funniest person we had EVER seen, and we’ve seen some of the biggest and best.

Genuinely nice guy.

What can I say? Now, we sit in our hotel room, waiting for our Room Service breakfast, before we then get ready, pack, and head on home. Hearts heavy with the news that screen legend Charlton Heston has just passed away. Like we weren’t depressed enough already…

Ugh…

Chow for now!!

Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop

Day Two

Last night’s keynote presentation duties were filled by a couple of young film-makers – Matt Sloan & Aaron Yonda. They created the internet sensation Chad Vader video series, spoofing Star Wars. Pretty funny stuff. They outlined what they did to get successful enough to leave their day jobs, and also shared just how…umm…dedicated internet fans can be. Far more than print fans, apparently…and even less shy about expressing their opinions.

Yesterday was also the first full day of writing courses. I had to choose from a full slate of offerings, each and every one looking as good as the other. Well, some were dressed a little better than the others, but all in all, hard choices to choose from. If you know what I mean…

Today, another full day of writing courses, and even more top-notch speakers. This is always a crazy weekend. But for now, I had better hop into that shower…

Chow for now!!

Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop- Day One

Thursday night is always the gala Workshop launch here in Dayton, typically starring the big-name keynote speaker. Last night featured the keynote speaker that helped sell out the entire workshop in less than 100 hours this year – Garrison Keillor.

There’s no way to downplay how much I was looking forward to hearing the creator of countless Lake Wobegon stories, and A Prairie Home Companion. Much like everyone else in attendance last night, his easy-going presentation was perhaps the primary reason for attending this year’s event.

And what a presentation! Part tribute to Erma Bombeck, part master class in humor writing, Keillor had the crowd roaring with scripted and ad-libbed reflections on what makes writing funny. I’m hoping his speech is included in the MP3 set I’ll be ordering today, otherwise I’ll have to rely on notes scribbled hastily, while laughing my backside off – not tremendously legible.

An added perk was an interview he did at the very end of the show with two of Erma’s adult children, if that makes any sense at all. He opened the floor to questions, and we all had a rare opportunity to find out what it was like, growing up as fodder for one of America’s most enduring humorists. Pretty cool, for lack of some description more eloquent…

Better run. The official courses start this morning, and I need to catch one of the shuttles over to the University of Dayton.

More to come!

Chow for now!

Oh yeah – I forgot to mention yesterday that when we finally arrived at the hotel, and were checked in, the room assigned for us was 111. How freaky is that?? I truly have no idea why these sorts of numerical combinations continue to appear for us (if there is even any reason at all), but anything that involves 111 or 1111 or 1234 always makes us feel like there’s some sort of meaning.

At any rate, yesterday was our one free day, before the conference launches. We hopped a cab out to the mall, heading out to where Mrs. That Dan Guy had been receiving transmissions from a shoe store there, before we even landed yesterday. Maybe that was the significance of those numbers – I think she wanted to purchase 11 pairs of shoes, in 1 visit!! Egads…

The trip was successful. Shoes were indeed acquired, and I bought a stick of gum for myself, a memento of this fine little city. Having chewed it yesterday after dinner, I may have to find something else today to remember this trip…

We watched a movie in our room after we had gone for dinner and drinks (we are TOTALLY wild and crazy…), but when MTDG went out for some “fresh air” later, we ran into a fellow Canuck – one of the faculty members for the Erma Bombeck Humor Writers’ Workshop. Gordon Kirkland, who invited us back into the local watering hole, for one quick drink before last call.

He had us both laughing our fool heads off, with stories and anecdotes from his career, and everyday life. We had a blast.

And, while we were there, two members of the Bombeck family stopped by to say hello to him – so we actually had a multiple Bombeck experience at the Bombeck conference – way too cool!! 111?? I think so…

Registration is later this afternoon, and the big kick-off dinner and major keynote speaker begins this evening. More to come!!

Chow for now!

Greetings, from the sprawling metropolis of Dayton, Ohio. That’s right, we’re on the road!

We have rolled into Dayton in advance of the Erma Bombeck Humor Writers’s Workshop, which actually runs this weekend. But having missed several portions of other conferences in the past due to flight problems, we now opt to arrive well in advance.

And, we almost had a little April Fools’ Day joke played on us, but it wouldn’t have been so funny.

Yesterday, we decided to do an early web check-in for our flight, then head off to the airport. Once we arrived, we decided to grab a little lunch before boarding. Well, we got to the ticket counter, and the twit…ummm…service rep from the airline said that we were late, and the flight was closed. NO amount of begging and pleading was about to change her mind, even though we showed on the computer as having already checked in.

She did suggest trying another airline, and that was when we met a customer service champion, who not only got us onto a flight leaving in less than two hours from the one we were supposed to be on, but also made the purchase price disappear, swapping out our old tickets. We got really lucky…

So, long story short, we landed in Dayton just around 11:30 PM last night, but here nonetheless. Happy campers!

So, today we plan to get out and do some sight-seeing, such as it is in Dayton Ohio.

Chow for now!!

Today, we are officially suspending “Things-I-Wouldn’t-Put-In-A-Hamburger Week”, here at Such Is Life, due to overwhelming item choices, and reader feedback. While it was fun to determine the many products I would NOT insert into a hamburger, ultimately the choices were surprisingly numerous.

So, we move on. Everyday is a learning curve in the Such Is Life household, and one never knows (especially Mrs. That Dan Guy!) what is around the corner, on any given morning when it comes to these blog postings.

With that in mind, I am pleased to announce “Things-I-Wouldn’t-Put-In-A-Hot-Dog Week”!!

Ha Ha!!

Just kidding!

THAT would be crazy… I’ve got so many other pressing concerns – such as ensuring my mongoose importation documents are in order, rattlesnake patrols around the general property boundaries, monitoring my Chicken Cams to stay on top of poultry proceedings around this place – why, I’ve almost got a full time job just in everyday household maintenance!!

Although, I can say with relative certainty that I would probably NOT want to include peanut butter on my hot dogs…

Chow for now!!