Happy Halloween, for anyone out there celebrating this event today!!

I could have sworn I saw Charlie walking down the hall this morning, carrying a couple of pieces of bread. I really need to wake up a bit more before I start wandering around the house…

Me? I’m going to dress up as an unshaven writer in a bathrobe today, maybe scare a few Trick-Or-Treaters at the door tonight if I look too much like their unemployed dad, or eccentric uncle.

I often wonder what cartoon characters, vampires and werewolves, or stereotypical professionals such as nurses and cowboys dress up as on Halloween. Do they put on a pair of Dockers, and brush their hair with their hands to look like an IT geek? Does a witch or a goblin slip on a McDonald’s uniform, and hit the party circuit? These are questions that enter my brain cells, at this hour of the morning.

I think I need professional help…

We were still talking about that Colm Wilkinson experience over dinner last night. Man, that guy was completely spell-binding. I don’t think we’ll be able to top that show anytime soon.

On a related note, I used a Wilkinson razor to shave this morning. Small world, eh??

Chow for now!!

The Tuesday Morning “Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway” Concert Review – Colm Wilkinson

(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer…)

In-frickin’-sane.

One of our more anticipated concerts was last night, and it exceeded any expectations we had beforehand. Frankly, it took any expectations, and kicked the livin’ bejeebers out of them…

Colm Wilkinson, the star of Broadway’s Les Miserables, and a boatload of other mega-musicals here and in the UK, brought “Broadway & Beyond” to town last night. We were in the front row, but happily over to one side, out of the “spray zone” (Broadway singers tend to “project”). We could have reached up and tugged at his pant cuffs. But we restrained ourselves.

He hit the stage after the opening overture to The Phantom Of The Opera, and launched right in to “Music Of The Night”, so the highlights are going to be way too many to mention. When he sustained a note towards the end of that song, you could have heard a caterpillar fart in the back room of the concert hall – un-flipping-believable!!!!!

As a matter of note, he WAS the Phantom in Canada, running for 1700 performances over four and a half years. From a Broadway standpoint, we heard a lot of his tremendous Stage Heroes album, including songs from Phantom, South Pacific, Chess, and Man Of La Mancha. All done impeccably, the man has a deep pool of peccability…

But the show was waaaay more than Broadway showstoppers. A huge fan of Ray Charles (Wilkinson performed for him at a Kennedy Center Honours gala), he whipped through a medley of Charles hits – wild fun!

He’s also a storyteller. He started gabbing right after the first song, and shared stories and joked all night long. For just under three hours!! He’s the Bruce Springsteen of tenors!!

How do I touch on everything? A killer sing-a-long to an Irish drinking song – a Jesus Christ Superstar redo on “House Of The Rising Sun” – versions of “Hallelujah” & “Imagine” with guest vocalists Gretha Boston and Susan Gilmour that brought standing ovations?? What a night!!!!!

From our seats, Mr. Wilkinson seemed shorter than I had expected, from seeing him on TV. Sort of looks a bit like a thin Anthony Hopkins, with more luck in the hair retention department.

But his stage presence – I’ve never seen anything like it. When he spiced up the show with pop covers, he was a mortal. But every time he got into a virtual Broadway character, his stance was hypnotizing. Nobody breathed.

OK, I guess they breathed, or I wouldn’t be here today to write this up. But we were barely breathing…

Saving his monster for the encore, he strolled back onstage in the original coat he wore on Broadway, as Jean Valjean in Les Miz. “Bring Him Home”. Brought down the house. I think I had a small accident...

Show of the year, so far!!

Chow for now!!

Somehow, my profile picture has magically returned. This is indeed witchcraft…

I’ve noticed the past few weeks that there aren’t many grasshoppers around right now. Which begs the question – do grasshoppers hibernate?

Hey, could we have a bunch of sleeping grasshoppers in our back yard, at this very moment? I may need to grab a flashlight, and check that possibility out, after I wrap this up.

I know that bears hibernate, for sure. But what about plus-sized crickets? I’m not exactly what you’d classify as a “wild life” expert, but I’m now rather curious to know what happens to hoppers of grass, once the grass is covered in snow.

Not that we really have all that much snow anymore, but it WAS covered in snow for awhile – the grass that is.

Hmmm. Rereading my post so far this morning, hoppers may not be the only things on grass at any given time…Who comes up with these topics???

Oh yeah, I do.

Wattaya gonna do?

Chow for now!

We may very well be the last couple to have done this in the civilized world, but last night we caught "Borat", on Movie Central. Funny movie, if not a bit over-rated…at least to our tastes.

However, "Borat" receives our first-ever “Hero To Chickens Award”, for spending much of the movie not only carrying around a chicken, but eventually setting it free. Charlie would be proud.

The funniest part of the movie for us was when in a moment of frustration, Borat heaves his satchel to the ground (which is where he keeps the chicken), and you hear a muffled “Buk-AAAAWK”!! Sounded just like Charlie. And, for all we know, it could have been Charlie – the movie is pretty old now, after all.

*********************************************************************************
There are few traces left of the snow that fell earlier this week. Some evidence remains in shaded areas, but for the most part – it has vanished. Vamoosed, before it got leaked on by a moose.

**********************************************************************************
Hey, is major league baseball done for the year already?

*********************************************************************************
Slim pickins’ today, folks…

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

Pass the gravy, it’s cooooold in this here sandwich!!!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!!!!

Hey, not to fear, friends. Ole Charlie is just tryin’ out his Halloween costume. I’m goin’ out next week as a hot chicken sandwich…get it?? Hot chicken??

Har Har Har!!!

I’m a pluckin’ riot!!!

I was inpired by some of the pictures I saw in a cookbook the cannibals here had in the kitchen. The play on words was too rich for me to resist. I just hope I can clean this slimy margarine off, once my trick-or-treatin’ is done!! It’s makin’ my thighs itchy!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

I had thought about goin’ out as some of the characters I’ve done in the past – Foghorn Leghorn, Chubby Chicken, or Don Knotts, but I wanted to be original this year. Once ya get to my age, people start to make judgment calls about a piece of old poultry, trolling for candy. I can’t help it, I’m weak. Daddy needs chocolate…

HOLY CRAP!!!

I just noticed sumthin’ in the mirror. I got a varicose vein!! What the cluck!!!

Buk-Buk-Buk-Buk-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, I better hit the gym tomorrow morning. This is no good. Next thing you know, I`ll lose my comb, and be as bald as my roommate. He still looks like a potato that’s been left under the sink a week too long…

Mebbe I better get a hand mirror. If there`s one spider vein, there could be more. I knew I shoulda insured my chicken legs when I had the money!!

Cluck for now!!

Hey, my picture's back!! What sort of magic has transpired???

********************************************************************************

I’m not sure why, but everywhere you look these days – there’s a pumpkin. Pumpkins in the stores, pumpkins in the parking lots, pumpkins in trees. What’s up with that??

I’m almost starting to think that pumpkins must bloom at this time of year, or something. Why else would you find those rotund orange vegetables everywhere you look?

Or are they fruit? I think I can safely assume plant, but whether or not it falls on the side of fruit or vegetable could be like those blasted tomatoes, which seem to swing both ways.

Oh yeah, they could also fall into the gourd family, which I am often out of. My gourd, that is - not literally – as in “Omigod, I’m like, totally out of gourds!!” Frankly, this space often comes across as the scribbler being completely out of his gourd…

But back to pumpkins. Does anyone out there have a reasonable explanation for why I have to see pumpkins everywhere, most especially blocking all the Christmas displays? Just the other day, in a local department store (OK, Zellers…) I spotted PLASTIC pumpkins, with a bunch of decorated Christmas trees in the background. What sort of image is that? I don’t recall pumpkins at any Christmas celebration I ever had as a kid?????

Well, I’ve already dedicated waaay too much time to this topic, and at the expense of something squirrel-related, I might add. Some National Squirrel Month this has been! I may even be removed as the national chairperson. I need to get my act together.

I need to get back into my gourd…

Chow for now!!

Well whip my cream and call me soufflé – it flippin’ snowed last night!!! Honest-to-Pete frozen precipitation! Penguin carpeting….

Of course, the evening didn’t start out that way. It was raining at one point. Which was strange enough, because when I picked up Mrs. That Dan Guy at 6 pm last night, it was still 18° Celsius – pretty darn warm. I wasn't even chilly in my muscle shirt and Bermuda shorts.

But at one point late into the evening, she looked outside, and it was snowing like crazy – sideways as it often does here. Don’t ask…

So, we awoke this morning to a slushy affair, which probably will all be gone by noon, but snow nonetheless.

To get through this momentary morning drama, we are going to pretend that we are walking along Waikiki Beach, sand in our sandals, ice-cold Blue Hawaii’s in our sweaty palms.

Or, maybe I will do some fast talking for a current Expedia contest, and get us airlifted off to Las Vegas – hey, that’s what they’re offering, who am I to quibble???

Chow for now!!

I recognize that I may have an unnatural obsession with body hair. Every morning I look in the mirror, and try to determine just how much of that stylist-induced bald spot has returned. Slowly but surely, it seems to be regenerating.

But then my mind (as it tends to do) wanders. And I notice that the hair on my arms and the back of my hand, etc. seems to be the same length it has been for decades. No change. I suppose that’s a good thing, but I also become very reflective on why that might be. Concerned might be a better word.

Have I somehow stunted the growth of my arm hair? What is normal for a human arm? I mean, look at Robin Williams – that guy would make a black bear jealous with his arm foliage. I’ve got about as much hair on my arm as a newborn baby has on his or her head. Am I below average?

I can comfort myself in the knowledge that Mrs. That Dan Guy doesn’t have all that much arm hair either. As a matter of fact, she has waaaay less than I do, so I suppose I can comfort myself with that tidbit.

Chow for now!!

With the new TV season well underway, here’s a view of the shows we’ve decided to add to our viewing schedule. By no means definitive, these are some of the new(er) shows we’ve decided to give a try, and stuck with so far:

Chuck

This is the fun new “spy” show lead-in to Heroes. Saves us having to change channels, and it’s all good fun. I thought the show may eventually suffer from budget issues what with all the James Bond-y stuff going on, but it hasn’t so far. Lots of humour, just enough action, and a delightful lack of amateur yowlers competing in front of arrogant airheaded judges make this show one of our keepers so far this season.

Journeyman

Again, this new show benefits from following Heroes, so we don’t have to exert any effort changing channels. I’m all in favour of saving my energy whenever I can. If I could only type these postings with the power of my brain…but that’s a whole other issue, for another time…

Journeyman is all about a guy that travels through time, and hooks up with his ex-fiancé. This sort-of ticks off his current wife, back in the present. He also does heroic things while he time-travels, so this block of shows seems to have a common thread, but at the moment I just can’t put my finger on it. So far, we’re really enjoying this show.

Saving Grace

Holly Hunter plays a crude, rough-around-the-edges cop, that gets visits from an angel, and one that sure ain’t spending any time in a red convertible with Della Reese. He looks like Lenny from Laverne & Shirley, after a three-day bender. This one is just fun, if not to see how far the writers can push the envelope.

There’s a few more, but I’ve got to get ready now, to drive Mrs. That Dan Guy to work. We’ve got this “Driving Miss Daisy” thing we play, and my chauffeur’s uniform takes some effort to get into..

Chow for now!!

It would appear that my hairline is slowly returning to normal, after what I've come to refer to as the "2007 Linoleum Dome Experience". Where my (former) hairstylist shaved it down to the bone, I was balder than a potato.

Of course, I still have nothing to comb over, if I in fact did ever comb over. But there are hints of stubble now on top of my head - a sort of peach fuzz that Mrs. That Dan Guy rubs like Buddha's belly for luck. I reckon I'm still a few weeks away from needing any sort of hair product. Right now, I could wear a hat or a bowling ball, and neither would be a cause for concern once I took them off. My bristles remain at attention.

Sort of like Viagra for the scalp, one might say...

Looking back at pictures from before my wheat field was harvested, I can see the happy days where I might have chosen to part it t the left, or to the right. Most often, it was to the right. I'm left-handed, so I don't know if that had anything to do with my choice...

Now, with every passing day, the length extends, and I will once again use a comb.

Small victories...

Chow for now!!

The Sunday Morning (Even Though It SHOULD Have Been SATURDAY Morning – that chicken has a pretty solid contract) “Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway” Concert Review – Brad Paisley…

(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer…)

Friday night we enjoyed another stellar concert evening, this time out in the country music genre. It was a triple-header of hit-makers, with Taylor Swift & Rodney Atkins opening the show for Mr. Paisley – sold out to the rafters, which is where we happened to be this time. So much for presale advantage!

As a matter of fact, on the way to our seats, we stopped for oxygen, and narrowly missed getting clipped by an airliner. On the plus side, we had an awesome view of Orion & Aquarius.

One cool thing about the show we saw, is that when we surprised our families in Winnipeg, one of our nieces was on her way to see this very same show. She went anyway, instead of staying to visit with us, and we hope to forgive her someday…

The show opened with 17-year old hit-maker Taylor Swift, who charmed the crowd with her original compositions. For such a young lady, she had the crowd in the palm of her hand, and at one point, had to wait almost 5 minutes for the crowd to settle down. She was terrific….

A couple of rows down from us, we had two very young ladies (late teens or even a bit older) that were really enjoying the show, and wanted to capture the moment forever. Every few minutes, they put their heads together, and took a picture of…no, not the stage or performer, but themselves. Over and over and over again. OMIGOD, Taylor Swift is like, sooooo awesome, let’s take a picture of ourselves watching her. SNAP! OMIGOD, people are using their cell phones to wave light in the air, Quick, let’s take a picture of ourselves watching!! CLICK!!

After Taylor’s set, Rodney Atkins (3 Number One hits so far from his first album) hit the stage, and kicked some Calgary ass. Sorry for the language, but he really did kick ass.

We have a bit of a history with Mr. Atkins. He has a song that we used to hear every time we went to a casino (which honestly, is nowhere near as often as it may seem). It became our theme song this summer, and did pretty good for him too. Obviously pretty big with the audience – they went nuts too. Mrs. That Dan Guy was up hopping around, clapping and hollering. I had to be the dignified one…

Several times throughout Mr. Atkins set, our young ladies friends two rows down felt compelled to capture the moment (of them watching him) on camera. There were more flashes on that row than with the entire onstage light show…

Finally, Mr. Brad Paisley. Holy crap – is that guy an entertainer!! His stage was one of the most unique we have ever seen, and we see the odd live concert or two. Like some sort of giant cut-up Jumbotron, flashing images and such all night long. Waaaay cool.

Our young lady friends must have thought so too.

“OMIGOD, Brad Paisley’s set is like sooooo cool!! Let’s take another twenty pictures of us looking at it!!”

For anyone not familiar with Brad Paisley, he has a terrific sense of humour in most of his songs (wry and clever, not Al Yankovic), plus he’s an incredible guitar player.

“OMIGOD, Brad Paisley is suuuuuch a good guitar player!! Let’s take another thirty pictures of us watching him play!!!”

He rocked! He rolled! He was unreal, especially with his smokin’ reworking of “Folsom Prison Blues” for one of his encores.

You know, I’ve often thought that if I were a popular Hot Country entertainer, I might be Brad Paisley. But I’m not.

And, to top things off, while we were killing time before the show, we played a few sheckels in Stampede Casino. I put five bucks into a dollar machine, and won $490.00!! So the show and everything ended up being free, and now we have the money to pick up George Carlin tickets. It’s a vicious circle…

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

What?

Look, let’s get one thing straight here. I’m a cluckin’ chicken, and I don’t follow a schedule, least of all YOURS. So, bite me!! I’ll post these pluckin’ things when I wanna post ‘em!!

So, anyhow, here’s my buddy Fluffy, to help us celebrate National Squirrel Month. I am beside myself with cluckin’ excitement. I can barely cluckin’ contain myself.

Fluffy, bless hiz soul, is dumber than a banana….

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

I agree with Banjo Boy. National Squirrel Month is on the rocks this month, and me posin’ with a air-headed rodent ain’t gonna make it any better…

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

I can’t even get this turkey to play fetch. Even a dog can do that.

Mother Theresa, even a CAT will do that if ya give it half a chance. Not Fluffy. If it ain’t a nut, he’s about as eager as a day-old doughnut…

Taking this picture was sumthin’ else, lemme tell ya. First off, he’s chokin’ and hackin’ like Anthony Hopkins gunnin’ for an Oscar, just because I tend to enjoy the odd smoke or two.

Then, once he regains what little composure a squirrel is even capable of, he starts beakin’ off to me about the faint odour of liqueur on my breath.

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

What, am I supposed to be as pure as Britney Spears??

OK, bad example…

Well, what’s done is done, we came – we saw – we posed.

Now, get offa yer own lazy butt-aaaawks, and do something to celebrate National Squirrel Month.

Cluck for now!!

It’s been a slow start to National Squirrel Month, here at Such Is Life. I think we’ve only had one mention so far.

This is completely unacceptable. Over the next few days, I will be going out into the field (any field. Maybe even a forest or two), and trying to bring some current data to the table. Or this space.

Which by the way, continues to p*** me off. Now I see that my picture has disappeared, for some unknown reason. I still have no end of troubles with this flipping program (I have to first compose these postings in a Word doc, then paste them in. Auto-save my hairy caboose!!!), and now I got no picture.

But that’s just me, and what does any of that have to do with squirrels anyhow?? The show, as they say, must go on, even if the “tent” has more leaks than a raincoat made out of Cheerios…

When did today’s post become a rant? Good grief, I just wanted to explain how badly I felt, having dropped the ball this year so far for National Squirrel Month.

Man, felt is soooo soft. I used to love playing with felt paper, back in elementary school…

When did today’s post lose all touch with reality? Where the heck is this going? WHAT ABOUT THE BLASTED SQUIRRELS??????????
Ahem…

Sorry, my bad. I think I need my second cup of coffee now…

Chow for now!!

I’m just finishing up a terrific little autobiography – Don Rickles’ “Rickles’ Book”. I had picked it up when we went to see him recently, in old Las Vegas. Haven’t been able to put it down since.

Well, when I’m jogging or doing Jumping Jacks, I leave it close by, but otherwise, I haven’t been able to put it down…

I knew it would be good, but it’s been a bigger treat than I had expected. Rickles recounts his career, his showbiz pals, and the best part is - there’s not a single ridiculous “drama” or other such goofball disclosure, like current stars seem to need to have to stand out nowadays. As far as I’ve read, Mr. Rickles never had to go out in public without wearing panties to be famous. Although, THAT might have in fact generated some headlines…

Between the laughs, there’s loads of fond reminisces of family and colleagues, plus I learned stuff I never knew, after some 30 odd years of seeing him on TV, and in movies.

Did I mention he never got caught in public, not wearing panties??

He may not be everybody’s cup of tea, what with his style of comedy, and he’s probably unknown to many younger folks, but when you’ve got 50 successful years under your belt in show business, and can still draw crowds to your shows, you have to be doing something right.

This delightful little book gives you a pretty good insight into why. Terrific read.

Now, excuse me. I’m going out in public today, and have yet to decide if I’m going to wear panties or not…

Chow for now!!

Interesting sidebar to our recent Winnipeg trip – turns out our foul fowl friend Charlie may be a daddy!

The photo above was taken at a house party we attended, where this young chicken, looking awfully familiar, was tying one on pretty good.

Who am I kidding? He was snockered out of his gourd!!

While Charlie was out scarfing down Salisbury House cheese nips, and getting a lesson from the locals on The Forks being a revitalized historical meeting site, NOT table settings – we were getting an early October spooking at the similarity between this young chicken, and our rough-around-the-edges roommate.

It would make sense, after all. To the best of our knowledge, Charlie was born in Winnipeg, and likely had plenty of time to sow oats before he arrived on our doorstep with his probation officer. If chickens sow oats, rather than chow down on them…

We couldn’t get the two of them together in this short trip, but rest assured, as sure as Burton Cummings sang “Clap For The Wolfman”, we’ll be back in our old hometown, and we will try to reunite this poultry pair.

And let the feathers fly where they may…

Chow for now!!

Margerine.

And, we’re back. We slept in our own bed last night, arriving back from our whirlwind trip to Winnipeg.

We slept like babies, having watched the Bombers/Stampeders game on the airplane TV. Wow, did our Stamps ever crush those wobbly old Bombers! Peeled them like ripe bananas! Walloped them like those pop-up moles on the carnival/county fair game midway…

For a short trip, we sure managed to squeeze in visiting. We barely got to watch any TV in the hotel room at all, what with all the family surprise visits! Does anybody out there know who shot JR??

Man, I still can’t believe how badly we beat that Winnipeg football team…

My ear clog is still very much in effect. Apparently I was difficult to wake up this morning, while sleeping on my good ear. While we were in Winnipeg, several of our friends and family told me about what I have to look forward to, when the doc flushes my ear. I’ll be suffering a bit of disorientation afterwards, as if I’m not spinny enough already…

Gotta run!!

Chow for now!!

There’s been something very familiar, this weekend.

We made a surprise (and lightning-fast) trip home, to Winnipeg! Mrs. That Dan Guy had to come here for our work, and we decided not to tell anybody – just surprise both our families.

Which is a risky proposition, on a weekend. Unlike us, people go out and do things on a weekend. We knew we were taking chances, but by and large, we were pretty successful.
We did miss some people, but we’ll be back, so we can catch them on the flip side.

The first person to get a visit out-of-the-blue was my old buddy, and anti-James Blunt crusader argy.ca. With my new semi-bald style, he didn’t immediately recognize me, until I went straight for some collectible comics, with my greasy fingers. It all came back after that!

From there, we went to MTDG’s sister’s home, where we tried to find out if they’d be home, without giving away that we were already in town. I think we tried to suggest to them (via a cryptic text message) that we had something we needed to talk about, and asked if they were going to be home that night.

Well, we had forgotten to remember that Friday night is Bingo-Mania in Winnipeg, so we had to hustle over, so as to catch them by surprise. As we were pulling up to the house, on our niecettes was vamoosing, to get a really good seat at the Bingo Pavilion. We honked our horn, but she just waved a bingo dabber at us, as her cab sped away…

So, we went to the door of the home, where we did indeed surprise MTDG’s S&H, plus the remaining niecette, who was preparing to go see one of those fancy-pants music concerts we hear so much about. So, our surprise was at the cost of seeing all of them, but we did have a hoot with the remaining group, who decided to pass on Bingo, and visit. A good time had by all…

Yesterday, we surprised MY parents and family, almost causing a cardiac incident when I tiptoes up behind my mother, as they were returning from some running around. She also didn’t recognize me, with my giant baldness, and a couple of extra pounds that somehow snuck on over the summer…

From the old family home, we called up my sisters, who were able to come over, but not my other niecette, who was working. So, at the cost of the element of surprise, we missed her as well.

But, we’ll be back…

Aside from that, I had a chance to walk around downtown Winnipeg, which has changed a bit since our last visit. I walked up past the downtown library, and the new arena, (Large Western Canadian Telephone Company) Centre. Walked up past the Burton Cummings Theatre, and into the Exchange District, where I found Red River Bookstore, still open after all these years. Don’t tell MTDG, but I was able to pick up a couple of titles I’ve been looking for…

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

Bonjourno, mammals! Charlie’s picked up a few new tricks over the past week, and he’s here to share ‘em with ya!!

So, unbeknownst to my roommates, I had hopped into some luggage last week. Good thing, these turkeys were goin’ to Las Vegas, and they had forgotten to tell ole Charlie!!


Buk-AAAAWK!!!!!

Damn near broke my heart, but all was forgiven when I scurried out of a wardrobe bag, and out onto the casino floor. Almost blinded by all the flashin’ lights, but once I got my bearings, I managed to get on a hot streak, and doubled-up my stake in a half an hour! I was the cluck of the town!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

I’d tell ya about craps, but who needs to hear about my digestive system at this time of day?? I’ll talk about roo-lette instead…

So, the object of roo-lette is to pick a number, and hope that a little ball stops on it. Then ya win, dependin’ on how much ya bet. If yer chicken, and play el-cheapo bets, ya win crap. But if yer like ole Charlie, and live on the edge – well, ya better bring along a piece of luggage, to carry all yer chips home.

Now, there’s more than one way to bet on roo-lette. You can pick a single number, or overlap several. You can even bet on red or black, which takes yer odds down to 50/50 or so. Pays like crap, but minimizes yer risk.

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

When yer a hi-roller like myself, the waiteresses cluckin’ much drown you in free booze. If you’ve never seen pickled chicken before, you ain’t seen me in Vegas…

One tip I can share with ya is how to discreetly push yer chips over to a better number, if the spinning ball lands on one ya didn’t pick. But ya hafta be quick, or the pit boss will grab you by yer pinfeathers, and hoist you out into the street. They could at least find a patch of softer pavement if they’re gonna act like gorillas…

And, my final tip – after three hours of consuming complimentary beverages, DO NOT watch the ball as it spins around the roo-lette wheel. If you’re at all yak-inclined, you will yak, probably all over the felt. That’s another trip to the sidewalk. I may have to gow my feathers back, that concrete can scrape off yer poultry bumps!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!

Cluck for now!!

This is still pretty weird. I feel like I've got a small ball of cotton in my ear. Or a wadded up piece of paper towel. Or a semi-inflated balloon...

Whatever is in there, it has certainly plugged up my ear. And yet, throughout the day it does clear up, which makes me wonder why I have to drop this greasy mineral oil in there.

Perhaps I gripe too much. And yet, does anyone else have to wander around with half of a set of working ears??

Which bring up another point - this doesn't seem to be affecting my hearing. Much. It's more of an oddball thing, very much like myself...




Oh boy...

Is that all I got today? I could have SWORE I had been going on for at least 500 words, but rereading my post so far, this one falls really short in the wordage department. Maybe I should discreetly insert some random jibbedy-jabbedy??

But hark, what light through yonder window breaks? Four score and a lotta years ago, tie a yellow ribbon if you still want me. I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance. There is a house in New Orleans, they call the rising sun. Will you pay $199 for this product? NO! Will you even pay $99 for this product? NO! For just ONE payment of $19.99...

You have to know when to hold em, and know when to fold em. I have to go lubricate my ear...

Chow for now!!

I’ve got some pretty interesting luck, when it comes to picking up odd ailments…

Take yesterday for example. I awoke to discover a plugged ear, the same one I’ve written about in the past – which at times feels like it is filled with water. What a gift that would be if I was stranded in a desert! No, wait, how would I get the water out?? Blimey!!!

At any rate, yesterday this plugged ear got so bad, it made the left side of my face numb. Number. That was supposed to read more numb, not numeric, by the way.

So, even though I believe in my heart that I am capable of curing just about anything myself, I thought this might be a good time to visit a real doctor.

After a leisurely, relaxing 90-minute wait, the doctor took a look inside, and made hand puppets on the wall with the illumination from my other ear.

Kidding. He couldn’t see anything, because of a waxy build-up. Not only should I have used a less waxy cleaner on my floors, I should have been just as diligent inside my ears.

So, the solution was to take some sort of anti-histamine for a week (I think THAT one was total improvisation on his part), and I have to insert a couple of drops of mineral oil every day, to help soften the wax build-up. Thank God the doctor had some suggestions at least, or I’d be here at home right now, trying to excavate the stuff with a toothpick and some dental floss…

Today, it’s just as plugged, but only a 5 on the throbbing scale. In a week he will flush the ear, and we’ll see if there’s indeed water or something in there.

On an unrelated note, it has been two days today since I’ve seen my pet caterpillar. Somehow be broke out of his cage (OK, saucer and lettuce leaf), and has been AWOL ever since. Hope he turns up somewhere soon..

Chow for now!!

So, my earlier hair disaster is starting to mend, finally.

I know, what with George Clooney being in a motorcycle accident, and Pamela Anderson remarrying, who’s had time to think about That Dan Guy’s bad haircut?

Well, soon even I won’t be fretting about it anymore. I don’t even wear a baseball cap much anymore. Mrs. That Dan Guy finds the new fuzz fuzzy and soft, unlike the couple of days of gleaming pink eggshell, back when I was first robbed of my follicles. Or the following few days after that, when stubby stubble filled in some of the empty space.

Above my scalp…

I’m still trying to figure out how a stylist can see a person come into a salon with a head of hair, and decide that a “trim” means shearing me like a highland sheep. I hope somebody out there has had a lovely sleep on their pillow made from my former (& beloved) sprigs.

One thing for sure, I won’t be asking for a bikini wax anytime soon…

Chow for now!!

Well, things are slowly getting back to normal, here in the Such Is Life household. We’ve pretty much given up on having a waitress stop by while on her rounds, and even though we waited all day yesterday, housekeeping failed to make our beds. We are indeed home again…

It’s amazing how some things can transform while you are away. We had left a few items in the refrigerator, and in just a few short days, they became very inventive with respect to composition.

A mixed baby green salad (we’re still trying to figure out how THAT got in there) somehow died, in what appears to have been an effort to become a tartan weave. The baby greens looked like they had been melted together in a microwave experiment, which I swear I had nothing to do with. Frankly, the baby greens looked a bit like my old Chia pet donkey…

We also had a handful of grapes that seemed to bypass the raisin process, and press themselves into a crude maroon-coloured wine. While smelling like pickled radishes.

And, we had what was left of a brick of cheddar cheese, now more like a brick of green felt. I think that puppy had a pulse. I’ll be using my oven mitts to dispose of those oddities…

And hey, in other news, famed Canadian actress and pin-up model Pamela Anderson has married yet again, this past week!! Taking a break from her previous diet of rock stars ( and I’ll use THAT term loosely here), she has this time turned to Paris Hilton’s infamous videographer. Honeymoon tapes, anyone??

Finally (sheesh, I sound like one of those fake news guys), the brand of cigars I enjoy smoking whilst donating money (our heirs may some day otherwise expect) to giant casino conglomerates and concert promoters has changed the name of their product to “blunts”. I have to suspect this is a reaction to the massive worldwide success of my man Jimmy, which makes me even more of a proud consumer of these products.

Chow for now!

Las Vegas Summary, 2007

Well, once again we have travelled to the Happiest Place On Earth, for us at least. It felt like a whirlwind tour this time around, but we still managed to squeeze in a whack of “hotel” visits (they attach casinos to the darn things!!).

Sadly, this time out the casino gods beat us with a stick. They spanked us like puppies that had peed on their carpets. I would almost believe it if someone suggested jackpots had been suspended during our visit. We were skunked.

However, there were highlights, even with missing the show we flew in to see. Don Rickles was hilarious, and I have two terrific pictures - one of his back, and one of his belly. And I wonder why I can’t ever sell any of my photos…

We spent a load of time with some family members that had joined us there, which was very cool. Although, normally we go to bed by 9 PM, and spend more time at choir practice, we struggled to keep up with these youngsters and their late-nite carousing. We just have to double up on our doses of Metamucil and Vitamin D, until we recover…

Our long tradition of punking each other (long before young Ashton may have even been born) continued, showing up on the last day of our visit. We had a package delivered to our room, indicating a “comp” package.

As we began to open the various items, we realized we were being had. However, worrying that we may have to explain some of the items to border guards, we left most unpacked – one item in particular had “Department Of Homeland Security” tape on it.

When we got home, we unwrapped that one, and found a hideous lamp that has passed hands between us for years. But no longer. It did not survive this trip. As fast as I tried to cobble the pieces back together again, Mrs. That Dan Guy was tossing them into the garbage. Not much on ceremony, MTDG….

Our comp package did attract some additional attention – we had our luggage searched by Homeland Security! Good grief…

All in all, another great trip to one of our favourite places in the world. Even with the caning we took at the slots, it’s hard to begrudge Las Vegas for much of anything. As is typical, we reluctantly plied ourself out of our own hotel, just in time to catch a shuttle to the airport.

Until next time, City Of Neon Lights…

Chow for now!!

Sheesh!

You get one good night’s sleep, and you wake up at noon?? What’s up with that??

I guess it makes sense. We arrived back in Calgary at about 1:30 AM, then by the time you hike from the outskirts of town to where they have Canada Customs in the airport, it’s about 2 AM.

Then you wait for your bags, which are unpacked by the airline’s oldest living employee (one at a time, with breaks in between), so that gets you to 2:30. Then we had to drive clear across town to get home, and lug our carcasses and luggage into the house.

Exhausted as you are, you can’t just crawl into bed, so we decided to watch one of the twenty-seven shows we taped on three different VCR’s while we were away. We opted for 30 Rock, with special guest star Jerry Seinfeld. LOVE that Alec Baldwin, what a cad!!

By the time we rolled into bed, getting up at noon was pretty much a healthy 8-hour sleep – our first one of those since arriving in Las Vegas. I guess I’ll have to do a wrap-up Vegas column tomorrow.

And, maybe now these things will get back to being longer than three sentences, which have included about as much funny as a nose piercing with a toothpick.

What do you expect, when the poster posts at 3 in the morning???

Chow for now

BUK-AAAAAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, the second (and last) show we had pre-purchased for this trip was a slice of classic Las Vegas - Don Rickles. He has always been someone I've wanted to see, and he happened to lineup for this venture out. The best part - no bronchitis!! He was able to perform!

And perform he did, but not before a terrific little warm-up act he had - Shades Of Sinatra. This is a trio of Sinatra tribute artists, each one as good as the other. Frankly (no pun intended) they were outstanding. Good enough to earn a standing ovation.

Then it was time for Mr. Warmth himself. Rickles hit the stage, and launched immediately into haranguing audience members, plus working on stuff that a truck driver would find difficult to consider politically correct. He's so far from politically correct, you'd have to give Archie Bunker brownie points on open-mindedness.

But funny! He had the place howling, and surprised most of us I'm sure with several song and dance numbers - he ain't exactly a spring chicken anymore!!

Speaking of chickens, I'm sure glad we left Charlie behind this weekend. He'd be more of a handful than usual here in Sin City!!

Anyhow, Rickles was absolutely amazing. I'm just too tired at this time of morning to be overly descriptive about it....

Chow for now!!

Things don’t always go the way you plan…

That giant display board for the Las Vegas Hilton indicates the major reason we planned this current trip to Vegas. We had booked tickets for Barry Manilow before we left home.

We arrived at the Hilton plenty early, eager to pick up those tickets, and then grab a quick meal in one of the many hotel restaurants. Then we just had to kill a hour before “The Music & The Passion” – the magic of Manilow live.

Walking to the box office though, we had a surprise in store – not a good one. “The Music & The Passion” was CANCELLED, for Oct 4th. No show.

Turns out Manilow came down with bronchitis, so we were, to be scientific about it, screwed.

Crushed and beaten, we somehow shuffled over to a restaurant, and forced some food into our gullets. After some discussion, we determined that with the amount of shows we tend to see, something like this is going to happen once in a while. It just would have been nice if it hadn’t been halfway across the flippin’ country…

So, now we have to come back to see Mr. Manilow, I guess next year. Hope he doesn’t come down with malaria or something. It’ll be like back in the 70’s when you bought Aerosmith tickets, and they were all too ripped to perform. I think they cancelled three live shows in a row in Winnipeg back then. Performers…a little bronchitis and they can’t sing a song or two…

Other than that, we are keeping busy, and having later nights than a meeting of the Hilton Spears Society.

More to come!!

Chow for now…

Vegas 2007, Day 2

After one of the latest nights in our lifetime on Day 1, we settled back into a more normal pace yesterday, hitting the hay at about 2:30 AM. Still pretty late for us old farts, but it's Vegas. It can't be helped...

That will also explain why these postings are going to be off schedule. Just coming alive now...

So, in addition to the general carousing we inevitably do in Las Vegas, we caught our first show of the trip last night as well, at the Planet Hollywood Hotel & Casino. Which, much to our surprise has replaced the Aladdin Hotel & Casino, which we happened to like. They have improved it, so we'll forgive them. It has so far been one of the best places to spend time, this time out.

The show we saw? Our travel companions this time around (GG & Spouse) and us took in Steve Wyrick's Real Magic Show, a Vegas extravaganza, with elaborate illusions, dancing girls, and pounding music. Pretty dang good, if I do say so myself. I figured out all the tricks, but it was stiil pretty impressive...

But, we must eat. Recharge our fuel cells. More to come! Stay tuned!!

Chow for now.

That was an AMATEUR HOUR PRODUCTIONS VIDEO

Oh yeah, we’re in Las Vegas!!!!

And if I didn’t post this now, at 4:00 in the morning, you wouldn’t see it until afternoon.

Only in Vegas…

By the way, on the flight down, we caught Much More Music Live, with James Blunt. Lots of stuff from the new album, and of course, a few classics.. Tres bien!!

Chow for now!!

It’s National Squirrel Month again, folks!!

I may have run this photo last year, but it seems appropriate, seeing as how later today, we’ll very likely be playing one of those one-armed bandits.

Viva Las Vegas!!

Ahem…

I digress…

National Squirrel Month, a celebration of all things squirrely. Do squirrels scurry through forests? Do squirrels need to blow dry those bushy tails, to achieve maximum fluffage?

Do squirrels have an unhealthy addiction to nuts?

Hopefully, over the course of October, we’ll find out. Or maybe we won’t. National Squirrel Month is often out of my control – squirrels happen. And, frankly, I’m not an animal scientist – whatever they call those folks. I’m just a blogger.

Short and sweet today!!

Chow for now!!

The Monday Morning “Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway Concert Review” – Paul Anka.

(or, Why I Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer…)

Master showman alert!! Whoop Whoop Whoop!!!!!

Last night we enjoyed a top-drawer Las Vegas-style production from Mr. Paul Anka, and what a show it was, boys and girls!! Out on his 50th Anniversary tour, Anka made it clear early on why he’s been around long enough to celebrate that milestone.

He opened the show by entering from the back of the concert hall, just one of many visits he made throughout the night, out into the audience. At one point, he passed by me, and I was able to shake his hand. I touched one of the hands that wrote “My Way”!!! Aye Caramba…

At any rate, the first part of his 2-hour show was filled with a mix of early hits like “Diana”, “You are My Destiny”, and on and on, plus some of his newer cover songs from “Rock Swings”, where he gives contemporary rock songs a big band remake. For my money, the best part of the night was his audience participation run-through of Van Halen’s “Jump”, where the entire audience of (primarily) seniors hopped up and down every time he shouted “Jump”. The irony is, we’ll see many of the same folks when the original band comes through town later this year, hopping their little hearts out one more time. Just like the band will be..

Another highlight had to have been a couple of acoustic sets, one where Mr. Anka sat at the grand piano, and speculated about how some of his songs might sound, if he had to write them today. One fine sense of humour that guy has!!

Hands down, chills up the spine time was the acoustic guitar jam, where four of them played songs from the fifties, including “It Doesn’t Matter Anymore”, the song he wrote for Buddy Holly, recorded just before he died, while on a tour that Anka was on as well.

That’s the cool thing about Anka. You might not get too excited about his own catalogue of songs, but you may not be aware of how many other artists have had monster hits with his songs. Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Barbra Streisand, Chicago, Tom Jones…more than I can mention here. Plus he was buddies with Bobby Darin.

Just sayin’…

Twice throughout the show he ran archival film footage – appearances on Ed Sullivan, American Bandstand, family memories – the guy has been around, and done it all.

He was backed up by a crazy-talented 15-piece big band, including a 9-person horn section. His bandleader was a great sexist. Several times throughout he night he stepped out to play his sex. I always enjoy a good sex player.

Growing up as a young lad in Winnipeg, I used to go see so-called “greaser” bands, groups that dressed up as ‘50’s artists, and played so much of these great songs. Last night, we got the real dude, in fine form, plus way more. Still relevant, still sensational on a stage. So good, you can pretty much forgive some of those songs from the 70’s…

Chow for now!!