“Flawtography By Dan” - Episode #006

Michael Buble

A fellow Canadian superstar! I mean, a superstar that’s a fellow Canadian…
Man, can this guy put on a show! Channelling the spirit of The Rat Pack, Buble is the real deal – or at least that’s what I said back in my review of the show:

http://thatdanguy.blogspot.com/2008/01/wednesday-morning-nobody-asked-me-to.html

This is a shot from our spot up in the rafters. Lots of spiders and half-empty balloons up there…

Please, ask permission if you plan on using it anywhere...

Chow for now!

Oy.


Ugh.

Arghhh……

I suppose it’s been longer than I thought since I’ve had to post from this wee netbook, with a keyboard more suited to Tinkerbell than a husky adult male’s paws. I spend more time removing unwanted letters than composing…

It is amazing how sloooooow Windows operates, compared to a Mac. How did these clowns ever get to be the dominant operating system? I suppose I should know the answer to that – Beta was a great version compared to VHS (kid, you’ll have to surf The Google to even know what any of that means), and it was punted out of the marketplace. There’s just no ability to read the average consumer.

On the plus side, I get to have more of those really tasty Tylenols I like so much – like Smarties, but makes your brain stop hurting!!

Chow for now.

Ugh....

After enjoying a month or more of posting blogs and tweets every morning from a Mac, going backwards to a Windows PC is going to take some getting used to.

Of course, I'll have that time for that and even more just waiting for the computer to boot up - I can take a long walk on a sandy beach, take apart a motorcycle and put it back together again, grow corn for the winter, journal between sightings of Hailey's Comet, use Comet to clean my bathroom, and watch a snail crawl across Canada.

Oh joy........

Chow for now.

I'm not sure what exactly it is that we may have done that has pissed off the universe so much, but allowing me to briefly experience a Mac OS after wanting to for so long, then having the hard drive fail right when I was about to post was about the pettiest thing you've done yet, "Higher Power".

Seriously, are there no other souls you could be tormenting for a while? We've about had our fill here...

Chow for now....

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Ain’t that sweet!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

An here I thought Mrs. That Dan Guy wasn’t fonda me - then she goes and does sumthin’ like this. 

A new hot tub!! Classy dame, questionable taste in men aside...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Man, I’m gonna fill this sucker up, and re-jooven-ate ma achin’ pinfeathers - it’s gonna feel pluckin’ AWESOME!!

Just gotta fish out all them potatoes, carrots an gravy on that bottom first tho...musta been a used hot tub!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yessir, jus when ya thinks yer on someone’s radar, or bulls-eye more spacifikelly, they go an do sumthin’ that shows there true colours.

I, for one, is impressed. 

Makes ya wanna lay an egg a joy...

Alright, ya featherless voyeurs - ole Charlie is gonna get prepped - she even left sum kinda bath salts, and man - does they smells great!

Kinda garlicky tho...oh well, never look a gift hoarse inna mouth!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now!!

To Kill A Mockingbird:

Step 1: Find Mockingbird.

Step 2: Determine if mockingbird is minding his own business, or somehow evokes a compelling need to be vanquished.

Step 3: Purchase really large, heavy safe from Acme. Set on edge of cliff in desert. Send invitation to mockingbird, requesting his attendance at a roadside lemonade stand.

Step 4: In the event of plan outlined in Step 3 failing, determine back-up plans options. *Large wooden mallet, as used to pummel while attempting to ring bell in “Test Your Strength” game at county fairs. Caution - may be cumbersome to wield in tree while mockingbird is asleep in nest.
*Tranquilizers in bird bath.
*Toaster in birdbath.
*Breed miniature shark for birdbath.
*Robotic female mockingbird with poison-tipped beak.
*Bazooka.

Step 5: Force mockingbird into mini-hot air balloon ride, and when it is high enough, shoot balloons until mockingbird plummets to his untimely demise. Uhh, wait a minute...

Step 6: That safe idea in Step 3 really should work - try out that option one more time...

Step 7: Ask mockingbird to help you recover shiny object from bottom of margarita blender...have lid ready - just sayin’...

Chow for now.

Great. I have become Mr. Wilson - that grumpy old neighbour to cartoon icon Dennis The Menace...

Living in a townhouse complex currently, it is a delight to know that parenting skills are...well, let’s just say to each their own. Nothing occupies a child and his friends like playing in someone else’s yard - common space yes, but wouldn’t there be some of that behind the unit where they actually live?

Mother must need peace and quiet while she’s surfing online dating sites, building farms on Facebook, or trying to focus on Judge Joe Brown’s words of wisdoms to back-stabbing rednecks and aspiring actors hired for these riveting programs.

Grumpy?? It should be legal, as Denis Leary is so fond of saying, to help thin the herd - maybe a dog-catcher of sorts for keeping my own space free from disturbances??

Yesterday, with squeals emanating from outside my office window, I peered out, and noticed a herd at play. Where’s Hansel & Gretel’s gingerbread house when you need it?

Oh well, just have to learn to live with it I guess - this is Canada after all. Soon enough there will be more snow in the yard than lingering howlers...

Chow for now!

I think it’s awfully presumptuous of lumberjacks to call falling trees “timber” before the poor things even hit the ground. I mean, really - what else is going to become of a fallen tree?

But still, there’s no need to go rubbing it in.

Chow for now...

CBC Radio Feature on my late sister-in-law today!!

If you want to be inspired, you should try and catch this CBC broadcast - a profile of my late sister-in-law. Considering this is at least the third time she has been featured nationally, you should find this fascinating.

She was an incredible person, and I can’t wait to hear what this profile brings forward!

http://www.cbc.ca/thelateshow/season-three/2011/08/21/episode-9---lynn-thomson---august-23-26/ 

Chow for now!!

Nuts!

Almost forgot to blog today. Mrs. That Dan Guy is home sick, which throws off my routines (and makes me miss “The Price Is Right”, “Young & The Restless”, etc...).

So, just a quick post while she has her head down for a little nap right now.

This would probably also be an appropriate time to confess that this is yet another one of those days where I really have nothing anyway. No links, no rants, no debauched fairy tales...

Say, I do have this funny purple color on my big toe...

Whoa!! It spreads when I press on it!! Cool...

I wonder if that’s a normal sort of thing, or “That Dan Guy, you should maybe see a doctor about that” sort of thing??

Maybe we are both technically home sick today...

Well, off to surf the Google - purple puddle toe - that’s a new one!!

Chow for now...

Name The Mac

I have determined that an Apple computer deserves a proper naming ceremony (unlike a PC, which really just needs to be dropped in the ocean - especially if it operates (ha!) with Vista...).

So, I turn to you, my reader(s) for help. I have come up with a few suggestions of my own, but if you can think of something more appropriate for a MacBook, I am open to suggestions.

Here’s what I have so far:

1) Lord MacIntosh Worthyword III
2) Captain Mactastik & The Brown Dirt Cowboys
3) My Awesome Computer
4) ARPCD (Apple Rules, PC Drools)
5) Wowzer!
6) Major Moriarty McMaccington
7) Bliss
8) Cap’n Apple Duzitbest
9) General Lee Betterthanwindows
10) Howdidittakesolongformetofinallygetamac
11) Artie
12) I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter (wait, that doesn’t even make sense - although I do LOVE butter...)
13) Admiral “Buck” Da PC
14) President Happle D. Apple

Alright, I will be the first to admit there may be room for improvement. I might be too close to this to be even remotely close to objective, or reasonable...

If there’s one name you really like, or you have something better springing to mind, please feel free to leave a comment.

Chow for now!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by a remarkably reckless weekend guest blogger, Charlie Chicken...)

(NOTE: the opinions expressed in these columns do not reflect the views of the publisher, common sense, nor reason. )

Howdy doo, hoomans!!

Man, nuthin’ sez summer like chill-axin’ onna hammock - life is good taday!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yessir, ole Charlie got hisself a lil piece a para-dice. Actually, after watching a few too many episodes a “Storage Wars”, I checked out some locker sales here in town, an picked up this rig along with sum other valuables. May see those in future posts.

Fer now, I got me a cold beer, a fine cigarette, an tha remote control. Yabba, dabba, and doo....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I got ma toes in tha water, asp in tha sand...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Man, I could drift off right about now - just hafta put this smoke somewhere safe. I kin barely keep ma eyeballs open, I’s so doggone comfirtible...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Whoops! Pardon me - them breakfast burritos sure do repeat on me!!

I gotta tell ya, Saturday mornin’ TV ain’t nuthin’ like it used ta be - hardly any decent cartoons on - not a single roadrunner so far - where’s my bird brothers, network execks???

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Well, I think it’s time ta go read ma mornin’ noosepaper, if ya knows wut I means.

Then, back ta the satiny cradle - I got me sum shut-eye ta enjoy!!

Cluck fer now......

I was trying to clear off some files from my Windows (Vista, Satan’s OS choice) PC - both to get a bit more space, and inevitably to switch over ever so slowly to the Mac environment.

Despite loads of music and video files, the single largest folder was “Pictures”. I suppose when I recall passing well over 1000 photos just on our trip to NYC, that shouldn’t have come as a big surprise.

What did, was discovering further affirmation of the number 11 (also 11:11, 1:11) that follows us around consistently. Also, more gold for my Flawtography series, so hold onto your hats folks - there’s more great fun ahead!!

I also noted that I backed up files several times. In different folders. On the same computer. I wonder how well that would have worked in the event of a hard drive crash like my last desktop computer suffered?

Not the sharpest knife, I am the first to admit.

Oh well, moving closer and closer to biding farewell to Windows, although I think that those impressions on sides of the PC are from Mrs. That Dan Guy’s hands clinging to familiarity. Truth be told, I think she’s warming up to the Mac, but is reluctant to admit it.

Mac is right here waiting, ready whenever you are!!

Chow for now...

The Plight Of A Baby BumbleBee


I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee,
Won't my mommy be so proud of me,
(Personally, I think Mother would be much happier with a good mark on a report card, but hey - whatever floats your mother’s boat...)

I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee,
Ooo - Eee, the bee stung me!
(Thankless insect - you offer to give him a nice new home, and the little rapscallion stings you? Harsh...)

I'm squishing up the baby bumblebee,
Won't my mommy be so proud of me,
(Again, is this the best you can do for your mother, and will this REALLY make her proud? Does she need some eye of newt too?? Maybe a call to Child And Family Services is in order...)

I'm squishing up a baby bumblebee,
Ooh! It's yucky!
(HEY!! Shhh! Keep it down - do you want PETA to find out about this??)

I'm wiping off the baby bumblebee,
Won't my mommy be so proud of me,
(Who the doodles is your mother?? Did she used to own a 101 Dalmatians? Have you ever seen a wire clothes hanger used for purposes other than intended?? )

I'm wiping off the baby bumblebee,
Now my mommy won't be mad at me!
(“Mad”, “Daffy”, “Psychotic” - they are so interchangeable in this case...)

Ah - those great old kids' songs of our youth - just magical...

Chow for now!!

“Flawtography By Dan” - Episode #005

Kenny Rogers

Wow! Looking at that photo, I’m transported right back to the magical evening that Mrs. That Dan Guy and I had the pleasure of catching country music legend Kenny Rogers live in concert.

Much has been said (after six decades in show business) about that questionable facelift he had a few years back, but you can barely notice it in this photo. Must be those HD TV programs where it’s more noticeable…

Pretty sure this was taken while he was performing “The Gambler”.

Please, ask permission if you plan on using it anywhere...

Chow for now!

Well....

Once again, much like my Miracle Tweet a few weeks ago where (what appeared to be) a holy cross appeared after my griping, here's another example to quit worrying, I suppose.

After my earlier post, I went to the garage, and tossed a newspaper section towards the garbage can. Much like my failed NBA career, I missed my target by a country mile. The newspaper however, inexplicably stood up, as you can see from the attached photo.

So, I guess the moral is, even if it seems like life isn't going your way - suck it up buttercup, it will all work out as it's supposed to. Keep on standing. Country Strong.

Sorry, we just watched the Gwyneth Paltrow movie "Country Strong" - not as bad as the critics said it was....

Much like other things....

Chow for now - I got some crow to chew on....

Sorry folks...

Nothing particularly amusing to me today - try back tomorrow.

PS - Higher Power,

Bugger off. Go on holidays. Take a friggin' break. Go subscribe to HBO or something. We have had enough of your "involvement"...

Chow for now.

When Words Collide - 2011

Had a blast yesterday at the first annual “When Words Collide” writers’ conference here in Calgary. A great bunch of co-presenters, and well attended in general, the two panels I participated in seemed to just fly by. I suspect this will become a major draw for writers (and fans of great writing) from far and wide:

http://www.whenwordscollide.org/ 

(Hope the link stays live, sometimes Safari forgets how to do that when you copy & paste...)

My two sessions were on writing in general, then pitches and queries. The other members of my panels were from diverse backgrounds, so I think that really gave attendees a wide range of informed opinions, no matter what genre or market they are writing (or hoping to write) for.

I need to sign up for myself next year though - hearing all about the festivities in the hospitality suite made me feel like I really missed out on a major part of the festival :-)

Until next year!!

Chow for now...

Nicholas Fera
"Far From Wise" - Album Pre-Release Interview!
Stage West Calgary
***************************************************************************
Hey, it has appeared!!

Took a while, but my first-ever video interview for my proposed online network CIAO (Clearly I Ain't Oprah) is now on my YouTube Channel, soon to appear (hopefully) on my podcast site.

For now, check it out without having to take about six hours for it to download, directly from YouTube.

He's already had over 300 hits from his own site - let's go for the gold here!!

Thank you Nicholas Fera, Stage West Calgary, and Apple - I do love Apple....

http://www.youtube.com/user/thatdanguy1

Chow (CIAO) for now!!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger & Love Coach Charlie Chicken...)

Well, this is just ducky.

Har Har Har!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Talkin’ with this here fellow poultry, who admittedly is a little on tha dim side. Ya could almos say he’s a few quackers short of a package!

Omigod, I am killin’ myself taday.... 

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Bug-Eyes is in town briefly, ta try n find a mate. He had a hankerin’ fer a prairie bird, so here he is, tryin’ ta find tha best place ta find wimin. Naturally, he came ta me fer EXPERT advice.

Wut did you expect, Charlie Sheen??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

So, we’re discussin’ the best coops in town, altho I expect he’ll be visitin’ ponds and slow-movin’ tribute-tarries (about as slow as he iz, might be helpful...)

He clearly ain’t got ma animul charisma, but with a few quick lessons in tha art uv “amoor”, I hope ta git him a step above buyin’ a inflatable duck...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

First off, he might consider a spray-on tan, so’s he don’t look so much like a Smurf with a cleft pallet. Donald Duck he ain’t...

Second, ya gotta NARROW yer eyes, fer that sul-tree look chicks dig - don’t go aroun lookin’ like ya just got a snuggie from a grizzly bear!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Well, I shur got ma work cut out fer me, so I better let ya go, and git bizzy with this feller.

Wish me luck!

Cluck fer now....