I have decided that I am able to foretell the future. I’ve probably had “the gift” all along, I just wasn’t attuned to it. All the years that I’ve read my daily horoscope may have sharpened it a bit, but as of this moment, I am willing to put my powers to use, for the benefit of mankind.

So, with a bold statement like that, you’re probably expecting some sort of proof of these amazing powers. Well, you’re gonna have to go whistle, because this morning, my muse is weak, like the coffee I accidentally made by running the same grinds through the coffee maker from yesterday. Boy, I should have been able to see THAT coming, being able to tell the future and all…

However, weakened as I am, I can still toss out a few noodles, so as to dazzle and impress you:

-The Calgary Flames will lose another game, very soon.
-Charlie D. Chicken will appear in this very space, Saturday morning.
-Our milk will go sour in exactly two weeks.
-I will be rejected during my audition for Yodel Idol.
-This spring, many species of birds will migrate back to this country.
-Mrs. That Dan Guy will have a bad hair day sometime next week, and will kick an empty Kleenex box in abject frustration.
-Every morning for the next week, I will eat a cookie after I arise.
-Britney Spears will be videotaped passing gas in court.
-On Saturday, Dec. 1, there will be a point in the day where clocks read 12:34 PM for 60 full seconds.
-Within five minutes of finishing today’s blog, I will walk into a wall or a coffee table.

Amazing, eh?? I know, I’m like that Amazing Crestor guy that used to be on TV. I vow that I will never use my powers for personal gain.

But I may use them to avoid banging into those coffee tables…

Chow for now!!