Clumsy seems to my primary operating function lately...

I was rinsing a couple of tubs out in the sink yesterday, when I somehow managed to knock an entire roll of paper towels into that same full sink of soapy water. Even though I may have been the quicker picker upper that time, it was all for naught - the paper towel was as soggy as a hound dog rolling in a wading pool...

Just the day before, I had gone to enter our bathroom at night. I've gone in there many a night before, and my hand typically slides along the wall until I hit the light switch, and then I will continue along to go about my business.

That night was not what I would call typical. I hit the exhaust fan instead of the light, and my head hit the wall instead of the open space just after that. Almost like having a set of pedestrian brakes.

My air bag failed to go off, leaving me with a little bit of an imprint of corner wall on my cheek. And for the record, eyeglass manufacturers seem to have the correct distance on your nose well planned out - the closer a pair gets to your face, the less precise they become...

My wife can easily attest to my clumsiness, and I have written about it regularly in my weekly column. Not many other people can boast that they have inflicted a 6-inch scar on their buttocks staining a deck. Not many people would even admit to that, I suppose...

I have standing spousal orders to look down when I walk, as I have tripped over my own shadow. I own no power tools. We have a webcam in our kitchen (linked to E.M.S.) if I'm using knives. Paramedics know me by name - I even get a Christmas card from one, addressed to "Crash Test Dummy".

So, should all this be of any concern to me this week, as I prepare to take my first aerial gymnastics lesson??? Should I warn my new partner?? Am I still afraid of heights??

Chow for now!! (for all of you signature watchdogs out there...)