You know, one of the great things about this blogging task is that there's really no preparation required beforehand. For all you folk(s) know out there in Bloggy Readerland, I could be sitting here in a velour housecoat, with a pair of fuzzy yellow Tweety slippers on my feet, and an ostrich feather sticking up out of my hair.

For that matter, I could be here dressed formally, in a blue pinstripe suit and sharply-pressed tie, or I could even be sporting a far less restricting suit, generally associated with one's original birthday... Thankfully this is not a leather chair, if that was the case.

For the record, today I am penning this contribution while wearing denim bib overalls, a cowboy hat, and barefoot, like that Joss Stone singer lady. The barefoot part, I should say. I don't ever recall seeing her in bib overalls and a cowboy hat, but for all I know, she may have done so on occasion. Whatever floats your boat.

It would be a far more interesting world if we were able to have the flexibility of looser dress codes in our actual workplace. Instead of waiting for the one casual day of the week, you could wear whatever you desired, any day of the week.

Just bought a new scuba-diving ensemble? Heck, wear it to work!!

You've just invented a three-piece suit incorporating Astro-Turf and paper towel? Wear it to your next executive committe meeting. If somebody (as they inevitably will often do) spills a glass of water, you will be the office hero!!

Oh well. It will probably never happen, but at least here in the comfort of my own blog, I can do whatever I want in the world of daily fashion, and no one will ever know.


Unless I'm dumb enough to write a column about it...

Chow for now!!

I've heard of water on the knee, but today I'm being pestered by water in my ear. Yeah, you read that right...don't bother cleaning your glasses, or squinting at the screen.

The other day I had a squishy sound in my left ear, whenever I blew my nose. I'll give you a few minutes to recover from that thought, and apologize if you have a sensitive stomach...

At any rate, being a bit of a handy-man home medic, I decided to try a few creative solutions, rather than visit my local walk-in clinic.

First off, I cupped my hand to simulate a suction cup, and tried to get it to clear with a few repetitions of that exercise, but didn't succeed in fooling my interior ear water.

Then, I went to the pharmacist to pickup a prescription for something else (penicillin for my tooth problems...see yesterday's post), and asked if they might have a solution for "squishy ear". The fellow gave me some kind of ear drops for swimmer's itch, which seemed appropriate enough, even though they weren't really all that itchy, truth be told.

The directions said to put in a couple of drops, but when you tilt the bottle into your ear, how the hell do you see how many drops are going in???

My first mistake was giving the little plastic bottle a squeeze, which I determined immediately to be an unnecessary step. Gravity alone would have been sufficient. If I thought I had water in my ear before, it was easy to confirm that theory now.

As the night progressed, and my hearing diminished, I determined that maybe today after I posted this blog, I should really go and visit that walk-in clinic....

Chow for now!!

Today is my lucky day!!

In the next hour, I will go for the first of TWO (yessir, 2) dentist appointments. It's almost like winning a foreign lottery.

At any rate, no matter how thrilled I may be at the prospect of a double dose of dentistry on the same day, I really need to get in there. My one tooth is so bad right now that even a cup of coffee sends me through the roof. Six cups will essentially have the same effect, but without the sharp pain poking into my cheek like a steak knife being jammed in by an Olympic javelin-thrower on steroids.

I figure that there must be a hairline (gaping) crack in a filling or something. My sensitivity to hot items is as sharp as bargain hunter's nose on discovering an underpriced treasure on e-Bay. And what a bargain that popsicle stick shaped like Paris Hilton was, at just under $78.00!!

So, here I sit, basically hunched over in sheer agony, forcing myself to have another sip of searing, stabbing coffe, and posting at this ungodly early hour, all for you, my dear and faithful reader(s).

Enjoy, and then wish me well.

Chow for now!!

Oh, de doo dah day...

Not entirely sure where that came from, but as it's still relatively early in the morning here, we'll just run with it.

I wonder if these things get time-stamped, when they're posted? I'm telling you in this here jibbity-jabbity that it's early still, but if the current time was to show (9:00 AM), you'd probably be wondering what the hell I was talking about, or just when I started my actual workday, if at all. Hopefully that query will never arise. For the purposes of today's posting, let's assume that the sun is just rising wherever the heck is rises from, and even the most eager roosters are still snoring in the barnyard.

Not to suggest that I'm writing this anywhere near a barn!!

Although, down the road from our house there is a small piece of acreage along a little lake, with a home that's kind-of shaped like a barn. I can't say for sure if they own roosters, but I have seen a horse or two there over the years.

But all this talk about barns and animals is making me wonder if there was some subliminal reason I started off today's post with that 0h-de-doo-dah-day comment. Isn't that line in some way related to farms? Old MacDonald?? Elmer Fudd, at least???

Good grief....

Chow for now!!

The Life Of A Writer - Entry # 32

I discovered by accident today that the Freecell game on my computer actually tracks what it calls "statistics". Freecell, for those of you unaware, is a card game not unlike Solitaire, played from the convenience of your computer desktop. Whenever a free moment of time or writer's block slows me down, it is a habit of mine to take a little mental break, and play a game or two.

This statistic feature, which I hit by accident today whilst loading a new game, took me aback just a bit. For someone that plays only occasionally, I found it hard to believe that up until today, I had won 1722 games, and lost 673. I wasn't a big fan of math in high school, but even for me, that number seems a bit high. Either my wife is addicted to the game without my knowledge, or the cat plays dumb far better than I ever suspected...

This feature does have a reset option, which would certainly save my hasheesh if an authority figure (Honey?) were to find the stats as well, but now that I see the number is so high, I find myself wondering if there is any sort of world record for this sort of thing? Maybe there's a lucrative market, if the number is sufficiently high enough to afford me a professional ranking?

I know I've got a deadline looming, but I think I need to spend just a little more time researching this thing. And maybe honing my skills, for the world record...

Chow for now!!

My sister-in-law and her husband have our backs. They are painfully aware that my wife and I have all the home renovation skills of a termite coming off a thirteen-day hunger strike.

She recently sent me an e-mail with a short tip, to enable me to sound like I knew what I was talking about, should we ever come face to face with a contractor. The tip was a single word: SCHLUTER.

Now bear in mind, these are the same beloved characters that once wrapped our entire vehicle in Saran Wrap, along with several other similar practical jokes, so excuse me if I worry just a bit that the word SCHLUTER to a European tradesman may be Yugoslavian for "your mother's mustache is quite becoming...".

Should I choose to take a leap of faith and believe what she is telling me, SCHLUTER is apparently the brand name of something in a bathroom. Taking a good hard look at the word itself, I am more than just a little bit frightened of what it resembles the most, slang-wise....

She added in a follow-up e-mail that it has something to do with waterproofing membranes, and as I know that their two girls are now way too old to still be wearing diapers, I have to assume that any contractor I question will not double over in laughter if I ask to see his own selection of waterproofing membranes. But there's still that little voice that tells me to proceed with caution here...

Chow for now!!

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I burnt my nose pretty badly a while back while doing some medicinal tanning..

So, two things. First off, my nose is pretty much fine again, and what, you may ask, is medicinal tanning?

That is a UV or Puva therapy program offered as a treatment for psoriasis, which I "suffer" from. Not suffer like someone who is missing an ear, but still pretty frustrating when my skin gets dry, cracked, and then bleeds.

Anyhow, some months back I thought I had a cold, as my nose had become a little inflamed at the tip. I kept attending my UV sessions, and didn't think anything of it when the inflammation had by then made me look like W.C. Fields after a Shriner's convention at a Seagram's distillery.

I did start to panic a bit when it started to pulse along in time with my i-pod...

Anyhow, I linked the irritation to the tanning, and had to forgo the treatment for a bit, and now when I do attend a session, I have to wear a towel over my head.

I'm sure there's a very unflattering joke there, but I'll leave it to you to come up with it...

Chow for now!!

Man, I'm still kind-of spent after yesterday's epic blog. Nothing like a lousy experience to inspire a mountain of words.

However, another day, another blog I always say, so on with the show...

I've spent some of this weekend listening to an MP3 set I ordered while attending this year's Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop. It's been almost a month since the workshop, so the CD is a great way to refresh my questionable recollection of the various sessions, and "virtually" attend ones that I chose to pass on. In classic Dan fashion, I missed several of the best ones...

If you're a budding writer, or especially a budding humor writer out there in Blogland, you really should go check out www.humorwriters.org for an amazing online resource. You could probably even order a set of the sessions from this past workshop, either on MP3 or CD. That's my commercial for today...

Onto other thoughts that are wandering around between my ears this morning:

-It's never a good idea to use "invisible" Scotch tape immediately after reading newspapers, unless you like having your fingerprints prominently displayed on whatever you are joining.

-while a popular phrase suggests that a dog's bark is worse than his bite, I've rarely needed medical attention for a bark.

-wouldn't it be cool if the internet people invented a clear ethernet cable, so you could see the words in e-mails going back and forth??

Chow for now!!

Normally I try and keep things chipper here - crack a few jokes, make a little funny. Today however, I believe I will be bordering on what Dennis Miller might call a rant (just without all the f-words for punctuation).

Yesterday I had two astonishing displays of modern customer service that bear sharing, seeing as how I have this dumb-ass daily blog to fill up anyway.

I needed a simple prescription refilled, and so trotted off (OK, I'm lying. I drove) to our local walk-in clinic, where I was told there would be about a twenty minute wait. I had an appointment across town for about an hour later, and only needed a prescription refilled, so I agreed to wait.

25 minutes later, with other people still waiting ahead of me, I needed to head out if I still wanted to make my appointment. I said I would return later, which I did. I had an early dinner (supper for some of you out there), then went back assuming that it would be much quieter at a major family meal time.

It was indeed! There were three people ahead of me, but the wait time, believe it or not, was still 20 freakin' minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway...

I plunked down and read a magazine for...you guessed it...another 25 minutes, before I was startled to hear my name called out loud. I was then led into a room where I waited just a teeny bit longer before a doctor eventually shuffled in.

And here I do not exaggerate. This guy shuffled. All the warmth of a potato, no sense of funny ha-ha at all, he assessed my simple need of a prescription refill, and had me on my way in well under 25 minutes.

I arrived at my local pharmacy, where a young (assumably over the age of 12?) girl that I had never seen before took my prescription, and told me it would just take a few minutes to process. I thanked her, and wandered the aisles of the drugstore, discovering a few things some people use that the average person just doesn't need to know about...

Now I am fairly well known in this place, as I am a diabetic with highish blood pressure, so medication for me is about as common as a fast-food hamburger. The two actual pharmacists on duty could identify me in a police lineup without a whole lot of difficulty. They could sense that I was lurking there for some reason other than to shoplift a bag of Bowel Buddy (an actual product - I kid you not).

Anyhow, shortly after this young lass had started working on my prescription, I heard her saying goodnight to her colleagues, and noticed her leaving for the day, or a break, who could say at that point. I continued to skulk amongst the aisles...

After about 15 more minutes of said skulking, one of the guys asked if I was waiting for a prescription. I told him the young woman that had left earlier had been working on my medical needs. He walked over to the computer, and found that she had be working on it, but apparently at the stroke of 6:00 when her shift ended, she must have stopped what she was doing, and went home, without sharing with the others that she was working on filling a prescription!!

She must have stopped midway through a word or something. So oppressive a force was the end of her shift that she simply could not go another three seconds, and wrap up one goddam task (whoops! There's a cuss word...sorry), or tell someone that I was there for some good reason other than comparing the benefits of the various suppositories.

Un-freakin-believeable.

I left my home at 5:10 PM, arrived back at 7:15. All of this is less than a five minute drive, so you can do the math...

Modern customer service!!

Chow for now!!

I wonder if Dracula ever had lineup issues??

I went to the blood lab yesterday, for some regular testing to stay on top of my diabetic control. I always look so forward to the experience, as not only do you have to fast overnight (well, nothing but water after 10 PM, but I barely survive every time), you will always turn into the parking lot of the lab to find a scene out of Ellis Island, circa turn of the century America.

Turns out you are not the only one that has to fast, and the primarily senior demographic waiting in line is anxious to get themselves over to a Rootie Tootie Fresh "N" Fruitie breakfast ASAP. Their friends at the local Tim Horton's will also probably be in the midst of alerting the authorities regarding a possible abduction.

If the blood lab opens at 8 AM, the clientele invariably arrives sometime around 7:30 Am, or they will just head over straight after they start fasting the night before.

You do NOT want to be late getting to the testing, or you will be able to finish the average thesis on how much bigger SUV's can become before they really do start to affect global warming. You may even be inclined to write a thesis of your own.

Chow for now!!

I am looking at the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long, long time. I am embarrassed to admit that I'm even drooling just a little bit. OK, a lot...

This is going to be the first loaf of white bread in my house since 2005. Yessir, for the entire current year to date I've eaten rye bread, rye bread, and more rye bread. My wife prefers cardboard or replacement inner soles to white bread, but she's not here today to roll her eyes at my good fortune...she's away. Hee Hee Hee....

I'll have to eat really, really fast...

Hey, you can't put all the blame on me!! I was raised on white bread, along with the rest of what was an entirely bland diet. For our family, seasoning was something the Colonel added to his takeout chicken, or at the very most the two shakers of salt and pepper in our kitchen. A real exotic dish in my childhood was a Sloppy Joe.

So, the only question now is how best to enjoy this fresh and delicate forbidden pleasure. Dare I toast it? The loaf is as tender as those rolls of toilet paper Mr. Wiffle used to advertise back in the seventies, kind of a melt-in-your-mouth, maybe even in your hands delight.

No, toasting would be sacrilegious. This baby is meant to be consumed naturally, like the day it was born, fresh from the oven.

Pardon me, I must prepare the peanut butter and jam...this may not be pretty...

Chow for now!!

Frying eggs on my carpet yesterday did not go well at all...

Sure, it was hot in here, but apparently nowhere near as hot as I had hoped, after I had backed myself into a corner and cracked one open on the living room rug. DO NOT try this at home kiddies...

So today I just had cereal for breakfast, nothing quite so risky for my limited housecleaning skills. With the crap I found in the laundry room cupboard, and sprayed on the carpet, the stain is becoming almost invisible. One small step for science, one giant leap for male boneheadedness...

Where do you suppose that old saying came from, anyway? The one about frying an egg on the sidewalk. It had to have been a writer looking for some wildly descriptive phrase, and based on my own recent experience, it had to have been a guy - the average woman would just not be compelled to fry an egg on a sidewalk. Most can barely get their kids to eat something fresh from the stove, never mind a filthy residential sidewalk.

Although, having been a kid once myself, I think it may have been pretty cool to try something off of cement...

That's my story!

Chow for now!!

The sun is shining, the birds are singing...

Hey, if that doesn't get cats everywhere up and at 'em, what the Heck will??

Man, it's hot already, and I haven't even looked at the thermostat. Or whatever you call that device on the wall that raises or lowers the blasting of the furnace. All I know is I could probably fry eggs on our living room carpet.

Hmm. Maybe I should go look at that dial thingy, and consider turning it down a bit. Or run out and buy some bacon...

May have to venture outside for a bit today, seeing as how the weather is so nice. There's probably loads of chores to be done, but no sense rushing into any of that. It's early yet for spring, so there will be loooooots of time to attend to yard work, or anything remotely close to productive physical activity, for that matter.

Today is more like a cigar day, where you dust off a comfy lounge or lawn chair, kick back, light up a cigar, and embrace the sheer joy of the world around you, as the smoke temporarily gets in your eyes and blinds you.

Being so early in the morning, I will enjoy that cigar with another cup of coffee, before I get back to cold hard reality, and the multiple deadlines up my wazoo. Big or small, deadlines are entirely unpleasant in that general area...

Chow for now!!

I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee...

Hey, do you remember that old rhyme/song from when you were a kid (note: if you were born after 1997, you may not be that familiar with it)?? I don't know why that thing sticks in my head,but sometimes it just pops up...

No particular reason for sharing that with you today, and I won't further plant the lyrics in your head, but I can safely and honestly say that I have no baby bumblebee in my possession at this moment, just in case PETA is reading this... With my luck, baby bumblebees are an endandered or protected species,and I'd be looking at hard time just for carrying one home. Ugh...

But if I ever were in a situation where I had to cautiously transport maybe a sick or hurt baby bumblebee, how do you think a person could safely achieve that?? You'd have to think that even a baby bumblebee would have a stinger, even just a little one. Now that I think of it, am I allergic to bee stings??? Maybe I'd be better off just leaving the damn thing alone...

Like this entire topic today...

Chow for now!!

Happy Easter!! (or, for those of you that may not celebrate Easter, Happy 7th Day Of The Week, which you may or may not work on...).

Yesterday for brunch my wife and I went to a restaurant that must have had an Easter egg hunt the night before. While we were eating, I noticed an Easter egg on the window ledge behind her.

What's the protocol in a situation like that?? Does one jump out of their chair, and holler "Score!!!", or simply ignore the thing? Who's to say that it wasn't left over from an Easter egg hunt in 1975, and you wouldn't crack your dentures on the bloody thing? Maybe it was left by an evil witch, and if you ate it, you'd turn into a donkey with monkey ears??

I thought about that for most of our meal. Once I almost got up to touch it, see if I could maybe determine its age without the assistance of all my CSI training, gleaned from several years of watching two versions of the popular series.

No luck, I couldn't bring myself to actually touch it...

So, that's my Easter story, for what its worth. If you celebrate the day, I hope it's a happy one, without the paralysis of questionable egg decisions..

Chow for now!!

The return of the throbbing molar...

I'm trying to show off and be scientific with that tooth term up there, but to be honest, I wouldn't know a canine from an incisor. What I do know is that last night I had to get up and slather Anbesol tooth gel on my gums and teeth, to try and calm down a barking, inflamed nerve.

It was throbbing due to a plugged sinus (aren't you glad you tuned in today?), because the filling goes back right past the root to said nerve, and it's like joining two live electrical wires whenever I get plugged up. It would at least be worth the pain if I had caused it by chewing on an ice cream cone, or nibbling on a radioactive ingot. Well, maybe not so much the ingot, that would really just be stupid...

On other points of minimal interest, have you ever recycled coffee grounds? You'd think that if you can re-use a tea bag once or twice, you should be able to do the same with your coffee. Not the case. It doesn't even end up as delectable as say, old dish-water, more like spring runoff in a standing backwater creek.

Just a thought, in case you ever found yourself looking at your own Mr. Coffee machine, and considered trying it...

Chow for now!!

Getting a little bit of insomnia these days. I tend to get it occasionally, especially during periods of the full moon. Not sure why that is, but until I start sprouting hair and fangs, I think I can rest easy (so to speak).

I also have this bizarre relationship with sequential or consecutive numbers. I may have already blogged about this, but last night once again after I had gone to bed early, I woke up at exactly 11:11. I got up to watch some TV before returning to bed, and I noticed when I eventually slid back in that it was 12:34.

I'm not sure if this means that I'm about to be accosted and gratified by an alien, or if maybe I should buy online stocks at those exact moments.

If you Google those numbers (and now I'm really getting a deja vu about writing on this topic before), you'll find all kinds of wacky theories about those recurring digits. None of those wacky sites you can peruse will even consider for a moment that it could be just the fact that digital clocks make 11:11 about as common as the old Timex watch commercials, where every face displayed 1:50, or 10:10. Hey, there's another interesting number right there, 10:10!!

Oh boy, my lack of sleep is catching up to me. Never again will I have fried clam strips just before bedtime...

Chow for now!!

I do enjoy me a good game of golf now and again. I just don't ever seem to play one..

I think to get the maximum enjoyment out of a round of golf, a person may want to play more than five or six games a year. That could be the difference between breaking 100 on 18 holes, as opposed to midway through the front nine.

I was out on the course yesterday, and ended up around my typical 100+/- (125), but with only 2 games so far this year, I can only get better, right?

Sadly, I started the round out like I was wearing a full body cast, improved to about the level of a 97-year old with depth-perception issues, and fell completely apart by the last three holes, escalating sequentially from hockey stick , to snowman, to average-speed-per-kilometre-in-a- construction-zone, for those familiar with golf lingo.

Of course, one can always hit the driving range, and Lord knows I've literally done that during the course of whacking a bucket of balls. But I personally find it boring as all get up and go to hit ball after ball without getting into a golf cart once in a while, just for the change of scenery at least.

In retrospect, maybe it's not the fault of my skill level at all here. It could be that bad habit our group has of combining "good hits" and high fives with hearty slugs of cold beer...

Chow for now!!

Anybody out there watching Nashville Star??

I'll confess here (as I have frequently in my weekly columns) that I watch virtually no reality TV. I gave up the ghost on Survivor after about the second season. I don't consider game shows "reality". And I can say with all honesty that I have never watched more than 3-4 minutes in total combined of either American or Canadian Idol.

Am I odd? Maybe...I sure don't share in the love affair that the balance of North America has with these Karaoke kompetitions, so wattaya gonna do?? However, once or twice something slips through the cracks, and Nashville Star has done that, three years in a row.

It's not that my wife and I are terribly huge country fans, although our wide range in musical taste does appreciate an occasional bit of twang. It just seems to both of us that Nashville Star offers a bit more sincerity (maybe just to us, but remember, we are admittedly in a North American minority...) than the other music contests.

That said (and we'll stay right to the bitter end of the season), this year's edition is fairly bland to date. The first season produced a big winner, and the second year ignited the career of Canada's own George Canyon, even though he didn't actually win.

Last year's competition saw some of the best talent get cut early, and the winner ended up being someone that hollered more than sang; Becky Jo, Mistle Toe, or Sloppy Joe, her name escapes me...

Anyhow, that blunder appears to be muted somewhat with the vanilla performers this time out. I'm hoping that by the end things get even just a bit more interesting, but like anybody else watching "reality" TV, I don't think our lives will be worse off no matter who wins or loses the competition.

Chow for now!!!

I am such a creature of habit...

Every day, every morning, almost to the minute: cup of coffe, TV; pee break, toast, 2nd cup of coffee; watch late-night talk show taped the night before. To add some spice, I've started to add in the daily local newspaper after the taped TV show.

Not that I'm complaining, or suggesting for a moment that my life is boring. To the contrary my friend, we do loads of interesting and diverse stuff pretty much every day. But my morning routine that anchors those days possibly borders (a wee bit) on dull. Or familiar. It's a matter of opinion.

For about a week or two, I flirted with yogurt and muffins for a burst of variety, but soon enough settled back into the toast regimen. Over the years I've dabbled in Eggos, microwaved scrambled eggs, and even granola bars, but after a short time...right back to toast. Which would make one assume that toast is my "comfort food".

You'd be mistaken. Peanut butter is my comfort food, but it just happens to complement toast so nicely I find it hard to have one without the other, although I am wont on occasion to have some spread on soda crackers.

I know what you're thinking - who the Hell uses the word wont anymore??? Try it sometime, you'll enjoy it.

Maybe with a dab of peanut butter...

Chow for now!!

Rainy day in the Okanagan....

It's a little dreary here today as I look around the corner, past our second bedroom, through the curtains, and out the back window. Yessir, just a little dreary. Springtime.

Otherwise, it's a pretty good day. Both of my socks matched this morning, and I barely dribbled any cereal milk on my shirt, so thumbs up on all that!! I'm darn-near presentable to the outside world, once I get some other stuff done here in the home.

I need to pick up a few office supplies today, but does anybody else find it inconvenient that you have to go to so many different stores (Staples, PaperClips).

Hmm. That one was so bad I really considered going back and deleting it, but I think I'll leave it up, and see if there really is anybody other than me reading this drivel...

Man, this blog is downright painful today. Think I'll depart and try something more enjoyable, like Q-Tipping the inside of my eyelids...

Chow for now!!

Like John Denver used to sing: "Hey, it's good to be back home again..."

Did I just date myself beyond belief with that old music quote??

Anyhow, the point is, we've just returned from a mini-road trip, where my wife and I drove out to Vancouver to see the Canucks beat the Calgary Flames, in overtime no less. Also partied up a bit with some friends, but more on that later, maybe in an official column....

I figured I would mention the trip now that we're back, unlike the week I posted updates from Dayton, essentially alerting anyone with a crowbar to the shopping opportunities available in our home, during our absence. Hey, I may be a slow learner, but I do eventually learn..

At any rate, we were amazed to see as many Calgary fans as we did in Canuckland. They were out in droves, but ultimately had to walk home under a cloud of disappointment (ooh, how dramatic eh?) after Kippy let in a goal during overtime. I was rooting for a shootout myself, would have been the first one I had ever seen live.

At any rate, I need to get some stuff done before the Sopranos, so I had better boogie.

That means "git at 'er". Did I just date myself again???

Chow for now!!

You know, I've peeled the odd potato or two in my day, and I just don't see potato chips being the end result of that exercise. I know deep down that it has to be, and I have given it a try once (homemade potato chips...) before, but all things considered, I think I'll stay with store-bought.

Hey, speaking of homemade, have you ever made your own salt and vinegar chips, with a bag of plain ones and a bottle of vinegar?? Sure, they may be a little soggy when you go to consume them, but it's not something you're likely to forget, once you've done it. I'm a big fan....

Speaking of big fan, tonight is the matchup between the Vancouver Canucks, versus the (playoff-bound) Calgary Flames. Vancouver pretty much has to win every game remaining, plus a couple of imaginary ones to even dream of being in the playoffs. I foresee golf in their near future... Hey, there's always next year...

Speaking again of potatoes, do you think Dan Quayle still regrets his spelling error, from back in his VP days? I'm not even sure I've spelt his name right, or the word "spelt", so who am I to throw stones?? Why would you throw stones anyway, unless you're David??

Well, I think this vapid exercise has gone on long enough for today...

Chow for now!!!

Yow!! I've got a tooth that is currently acting as a direct conduit to a nerve, and I'm none too happy about it...

It seems to be the most sensitive to hot foods, so maybe a simple solution is just to avoid burgers and pizza. However, as that comprises the bulk of my "diet", I will need to come up with a logical solution.

Is it possible to glue a small piece of wood onto the bottom of the offending tooth?

Hmm. What with the moisture levels in there (serial slobberer), I'm not sure that root rot is a better option than stabbing pain. What else would prevent heat conduction, yet last longer than a plug of wood? Any ideas??




OK, it's up to me then...

You know, I could discreetly sneak a heel off of one of my wife's pumps, and Krazy Glue that on?? Rubber would last longer than wood, and be more flexible than plastic, which I believe would only offer marginal protection at best.

Or, I could just make an appointment with Dr Pliers.

Yeah, that may be the way to go...

Chow for now!!!

Yesterday I wondered about the fate of those Budweiser, 'wuzzup" guys, but then today I got to thinking about those poor Budweiser frogs. Where have they gone?

Granted, I live in Canada, and maybe both of those marketing gimmicks are indeed still on the air, and extremely popular across the border. However, we do get alot of U.S. channels up here, and I'm pretty sure that if those commercials were still running, I'd know about it.

It also dawns on me just now that I've given two free days of plugs to Budweiser, and I'm a Michelob guy.

Crap. Now I'm giving free promotion to another U.S. beer, and I haven't even mentioned a Canadian one yet.

If I had to choose a Canadian beer, I would lean towards MGD, which is actually not even Canadian now that I think about it, but an American import. I should lose my citizenship...

But wait, I do love my Kokaneee, so there is hope. I may have to go on a beer walkabout, and rediscover the flavours of my youth....I should say...uhhh.. my legal 18+ years... That's when I sampled classic Canadian beers like Labatt's, Molson's & oddball offshoots like OV & Carlsberg (that one may have been German, I was fairly young at the time, and labels were really a blur).

Hmm. All this talk of beer has made me just a little bit thirsty, but I see by the clock on my computer that it's just 10:31 am.

One more cup of coffee!!!!

Chow for now...

Wuzzup????

Hey, do you ever find yourself wondering about whatever might have happened to those famous Budweiser buddies? You couldn't get away from them at one time, now....nothing!! I imagine they still probably call each other up, to find out maybe wuzzup, wouldn't you figure? Perhaps it's just me...

Spring has arrived without question, here in my neck of the woods. It has probably arrived in other body parts as well, but I try not to peek at Mother Nature. That wouldn't be right.

Anyhoo, on the matter of spring, I have cast aside my winter jackets in favor of a lighter windbreaker, although it doesn't breath very well, so I end up sweating like a yak whenever I wear it. May have to consider spending more than eleven dollars on my next piece of outerwear...

Washed my Jeep today, filthy beast that it was. I still don't know why so many people favor the wand wash, over a touchless, sit-on-yer-arse drive-thru. Whenever I use the wand wash, I clean myself as much as my vehicle, and no matter how shiny it is when soaking wet, it inievitably dries as if I only hit certain portions of the body, leaving muddy streaks all over.

Ugh. There must be some secret. Until I discover it, I had better stick to the drive-thru.

Chow for now!!

wHO MADE UP THE RULE THAT CAPITALS SHOULD ONLY BE USED AT THE BEGINNING OF A SENTENCE????

OK, looking at that last statement, I suppose I would have to agree that maybe one cap per sentence makes a bit of sense... It is a little funny though to assume that using capitals assumes you're shouting in e-mails, or online writing. Maybe you're just using an exaggerated voice, like stand-up comics use to build up to the punch line? In all fairness, rereading my opening line does look a little bit like I'm shouting, even though I'm not even talking, I'm just typing.

OK, now I'm starting to get a little bit worried. Am I "talking" to myself, or talking to my imaginary readers out there? Am I trying to convince myself on this meaningless point, or you? This has suddenly become very philosophical, for a daily bit of online blithering.

Let's just assume for all intense porpoises that you can decide for yourself to simply accept the old adage that caps indicate shouting, until I further investigate this theory, and attempt to resolve it in some future posting.

Chow for now!

I Blog Alone....

All apologies to George Thorogood, I am indeed blogging alone today(sniff, sniff).

Oh, I'll live, it's only until Wednesday night, when my wife returns. I've endured longer breaks (especially during critically frisky teenaged years...), so with the assistance of network television, I should survive.

How long I'll survive if she reads this is anybody's guess...

What do they call those three dots at the end of a sentence? I use them an awful lot, so I really should know what the technical term is, should I ever be assaulted by a frustrated editor, or retired 3rd-grade English teacher. I am way too vulnerable without that knowledge.

Speaking of blogging alone, unless readers out there are the most polite and unwilling-t0-respond folks I've never met, I may be the only person reading this drivel, which is possibly cause for concern, I suppose. Oh well, wattaya gonna do??

Chow for now!!

I'm starting to think that it may be time to finally get serious about losing some weight. I ran upstairs to get another cup of coffee this morning, and I'm huffing and puffing as bad as The Big Bad Wolf with a bout of asthma...

Oh, I know that I should've dropped a few pounds by now for some time, but you always kind-of think that a) it will happen on its own, or b) the Diet Fairy will remove your blubber if you leave a quarter or two under your pillow. Neither of those techniques have proven too successful as yet...

So, with summer just a few months away, can we rise to the challenge, and begin shedding pounds by some simple practical plan, or are we forced as brainwashed consumers to feel the only way to diet is by joining some "club" for weight loss, that will only lighten our wallets?

I'm hoping that some smarter eating habits (no more Twinkies before bedtime) and a long walk every day will help, but if not, I may have to at least let my fingers do some walking, in the Yellow Pages...

Chow for now!!

Blawg. Blogge. Bllogg. El Bloggeroo....

My cold has definitely broken, and the medication seems now to be entirely unnecessary. It feels good, regardless.

What ho, this fine Saturday morning? Out where we are the sky is overcast, but not yet ready to rain. Will it clear up? Who knows? Who cares?

We will remain indoors today, so the impact is minimal. Today is housework day, as my wife and I catch up on chores that we let "slide" while we were away. I am filled with vim and vinegar to tackle these projects, just as soon as this episode of Match Game is over, on GSN.

Or after lunch. Or after surfing on the internet for resuscitation techniques for sleeping goldfish...

You know, if there's anybody out there actually reading this daily drivel, I had better hope that they aren't forwarding it on to friends with psychology degrees.

Chow for now!!

Blawg. Blogge. Bllogg. El Bloggeroo....

My cold has definitely broken, and the medication seems now to be entirely unnecessary. It feels good, regardless.

What ho, this fine Saturday morning? Out where we are the sky is overcast, but not yet ready to rain. Will it clear up? Who knows? Who cares?

We will remain indoors today, so the impact is minimal. Today is housework day, as my wife and I catch up on chores that we let "slide" while we were away. I am filled with vim and vinegar to tackle these projects, just as soon as this episode of Match Game is over, on GSN.

Or after lunch. Or after surfing on the internet for resuscitation techniques for sleeping goldfish...

You know, if there's anybody out there actually reading this daily drivel, I had better hope that they aren't forwarding it on to friends with psychology degrees.

Chow for now!!