Last Snowfall Ever, For Our Gazebo

To quote some old poet (Amadeus?? Nipsy Russell?), “what fools we mortals be…”

Believing that even by Canadian standards, mid-April meant an end to winter, we foolishly chose to erect our backyard gazebo. There was an entire week of +20°C here in Calgary – we even managed to squeeze in a little barbecue one sunny afternoon.

Sure, there were still light snowfalls, as you can see from the pictures I posted a few days ago. Mrs. That Dan Guy and I got a big kick out of the snow gathered on the top of our Tiki torches.

Then, the weather turned. Back to what might be considered normal for a Canadian prairie town, even when the calendar indicates that it’s almost May. We got a blizzard.

A blizzard of record-setting proportions. And frankly, I don’t care if that’s not a nice way to describe a blizzard – not after what it did to our poor gazebo.

This blizzard raged overnight, but managed to wreak the most damage early yesterday morning. That’s when it dumped over a litre of snow on the canvas roof of our humble cabana.

Wait – that doesn’t sound right. Aren’t pop bottles about a litre?? Curse my lack of general metric knowledge…

At any rate, this aggressive blizzard dumped heavy, slushy snow, with a texture similar to wet cement, just before it hardens for all of eternity. The flimsy roof structure was no match, folding like a shrewd poker player holding a two and a seven off-suit. We were now the proud owners of a gazebo with a retractable roof. Although Humpty Dumpty’s horsemen gave it one look, laughed profusely, and galloped away without even quoting on putting it back together again.

As you can tell by the pictures, we’ll spend this weekend dismantling the deceased mosquito shelter.

If we ever decide to replace it, it’ll be a frosty Friday in August before we ever erect it before…well, August.

And a frosty Friday in Canada is always a distinct possibility…

Chow for now!!

Comic musical produces big laughs

Stage West Calgary review

Mel Brooks' "The Producers"

Hey, my review of Stage West Calgary's "The Producers" is now online, thanks to The Calgary Herald.

Check it out at:

Comic musical produces big laughs

And in the next day or so I should also have the interviews available for downloading from here, with director Lee MacDougall, and choreographer Timothy French.

Chow for now!!

How many laps can a lap dog swim, before he begins to pant like an Irish wolfhound?

Do pants ever pant?

A person could get into some trouble with the law is there was a misunderstanding between throwing a wall up with your partner, or a wallop…

Not a bad name for a tribute band: “Ruse Springsteen”….

Can you train a train, or do they just now to stay on the tracks?

These are just a few of the things that make me go “hmmm”…

Chow for now!

A so-so Eighted Press:

NEW!!

Amazing discovery – ordinary, everyday mundane task tightens butt, and builds rock-hard abs!

Scientists today have released the results of a study that should bring a smile to the face of couch potatoes everywhere. Simply by stretching occasionally during commercial breaks of your favorite TV shows is now deemed to help offset the effects of “seeming sedentary paralysis”, a condition most often associated with coma patients and Egyptian mummies.

And if you’re a sports fan, you’re going to get even more of a workout, cheering on your team, and shaking your fist at the officials’ ridiculous and clearly prejudiced decisions against said team. This will be limited in benefit if you live in a city WITHOUT a professional hockey team (for example), like Winnipeg, or Regina (just sayin’…).

Why spend money on expensive equipment advertised on late-nite TV, or risk your life by adopting some outrageous diet endorsed by a Hollywood semi-celebrity? Simply watch MORE TV, and stretch during every commercial break. You’ll be circulating vital blood to your organs, and chiseling your abs at the same time!

Can’t afford a “Magic Bullet”, or “Jazzy Juicer”? Who needs them? Shake a leg, or stretch your arms and watch how quickly you’ll be mistaken for Popeye the Sailor Man at the beach!

Even though this sounds too good to be true, and a regimen that even YOU could easily adopt, consult your doctor before adopting ANY lifestyle change or exercise program. Or before listening to The Jonas Brothers…

Chow for now.

Yesterday’s dark and gloomy video didn’t do our poor, snow-covered gazebo justice. It didn’t help that I was too lazy to even open the screen door to the patio, making the video even less crisp and clear.

So, I present a daytime shot of snow in the springtime, of a gazebo insulated more for winter than open for the business of barbecues and afternoon siestas (writer breaks).

Hard to believe that beach weather is just around the corner. Unless you’re around the corner from Mazatlan…

Chow for now!!

The image of a flickering Tiki torch conjures up a lazy beach, maybe a hammock and a cold beer, even swaying palm trees.

Except in Canada, most especially in our back yard at the moment.

A picture is worth a thousand words indeed. Press "Play".

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger, Charlie Chicken…)

QUIET – CHICKEN AT WORK!

Yessir, boyz an gurlz – ole Charlie’s givin’ ya a peek at how these collectible gems is composed each week – on my approtriatley-sized computer. An the floatin’ back-up one.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yessir, every Saturday mornin’ I crawl outta my coop, brush what passes for my teeth, and grabba cuppa coffee. Then I boot up the ole hard drive, and go to my focus zone, where I come up with tha topics I write about every week.

Or, I steal ideas from Entertainment Tonight…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Who knows what will come out, on any given weekend mornin’? Will I confess to bein’ the mystery, as-yet unnamed fourteenth affair for Tiger? Will I be caught on tape without any underwear on? Was I the tattoo artist that decorated Bombshell McGee??

I’m a bird of many mysteries…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Like, where the pluck is my other sock?????????

Oh well, barefoot today, I supposes….

As ya might be able ta de-deuces, I ain’t really got a topic taday. Chalk that up ta a few fingers a tequila lass nite. Truth beak told, I almost feel like I got curly hair this mornin’. I ain’t feelin’ my prettiest.

More coffee…

Thas tha ticket…more coffee…

Cluck fer now!!

If you like to plan ahead, perhaps this will interest you. Here are a few suggestions for items you could surprise me with, for Christmas:

1) A chimichanga. I have no idea what it is, but I often hear the word on Taco Bell TV commercials. If it’s the sort of thing that doesn’t keep, or ship well, please just send along a gift certificate.

2) An archery set. I’ve always wanted an archery set, ever since I watched that Canadian cartoon, “Rocket Robin Hood”. Robin Hood in space, I kid you not – with a bow and arrow. Made perfect sense to me as a kid.

3) Anything with an Apple logo on it. Except an apple.

4) A partridge in a pear tree. That sounds like it would make a delightful combination, after an hour or so at 425°…

5) World peas. You know, you always hear aspiring beauty contestants wanting those – I’ve had plenty from the local grocery store, and even the Farmer’s Market, but never from around the world.

6) A straight and narrow. I’ve heard of people being on it, but I’ve never seen one.

7) An ostrich. Man, does anything bring a smile to your face more than a scruffy-headed ostrich?

I’m sure I’ll think of more, but for now, at least you have an idea of my taste. Which clearly screams “no neckties, no socks”!

Chow for now!!

I woke up this morning with the strangest craving for fried clams.

Which is not a good thing. Fried clams make me a bit of a travelling methane distributor. I get gassy, when I eat fried clams.

God Of Thunder I am, after a plate of fried clams…

So, why would I even consider adding fried clams into my metabolic process? Is there even such a thing as a metabolic process? Probably not, but that sounded a heck of a lot nicer than anything related to intestinal fortitude, or blasting caps.

Where can I get fried clams at this time of day?? It’s not like we have a package of Captain Highliner’s Fried Clams in the freezer. And what with this being the wind-swept, ocean-deprived Canadian prairies, I can’t just pull on my clam-diggers, and go dig up a handful of the little beggars.

Looks like toast again, this morning…

Sigh…

Chow for now!

Well campers, here’s another link – this one is to a brief (5 minutes or so) excerpt from the presentation I made at the recent Canadian Diabetes Association’s 2010 Volunteer Awards. While I do start out by sharing a short piece about my volunteering there, it leads into a column from a few years back, “Diet Journal”. It’s worth a view/listen, if for no other reason than to gain the visual of myself in a Speedo.

Rats, did I just blow ANY chance you’ll view it??

Have a boo (no pun intended…):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfTJSNTSo4k

Chow for now!!

I put this up on Facebook a couple of days ago – it’s a link to one of two readings I did this past weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ceaWYcCZlQ

This one is from the “Shining Stars” event, at the Alexandra Writers’ Centre here in Calgary.

Once I edit a bit from the Saturday reading, I’ll post that as well.

There you have it – if you want the funny this morning, you have to click on the link…

Chow for now!!

Stage West Calgary

Mel Brooks’ “The Producers”

Lee MacDougall/Timothy French

The Monday Morning “Somebody-Asked-Me-To, So-Here-I-Go” Review: Stage West Calgary’s production of Mel Brooks “The Producers”.

Sold out performances. Appreciative audiences. None of these are elements that Broadway producer Max Bialystock is enjoying, at the point of his career that opens this hit Broadway musical – winner of a record 12 Tony Awards when it ran in New York City. However, it sure was something that Stage West was enjoying Sunday evening, when we took in their latest production. The place was packed, and the laughter was incessant.

A zany lampoon of show business, desperation, and outright lunacy, The Producers features sing-a-long ditties such as “I Wanna Be A Producer”, “Keep It Gay”, and of course, the hallmark showstopper nugget “Springtime For Hitler”. It doesn’t take much detective work to presume that this outrageous piece from the unique comedic mind of Mel Brooks has more in common with Monthy Python’s “Spamalot”, than it does with “Guys & Dolls”…

Directed here in Calgary (after a run in Mississauga) by acclaimed director, playwright and screenwriter Lee MacDougall (High Life), and his partner Timothy French (who choreographed the original Toronto run, and actually met Mr. Brooks on opening night), this is a fast-paced run through schemes and wild dreams – I mean, how often does Hitler sing and dance in musicals??

Loaded with highlight performances, there’s always one scene-stealer – in this case, Sheldon Bergstrom as the (semi) closeted Nazi admirer, whose play aimed at “clearing the Fuehrer’s good name” is chosen by Max and his newfound partner Leo Bloom, to be a sure-fire flop. This gentleman absolutely embraces the wackiness of his role, and with rich robust vocals stands out – not an easy task when there are a number of capable actors handling roles that are manufactured to stay with you, after the curtain falls.

I had a chance to sit down with the director, and hopefully over the next week I'll have that interview available for my "Talking Theatre With" series - I'll post a link when that's ready.

“The Producers” runs until Sunday, June 13^th.

Hey, I was going to post this tomorrow morning, but I'll have my (unofficial, pre-Calgary Herald version) review of Stage West Calgary's "The Producers" - the Broadway hit by Mel Brooks.

So, I'll add it in to today's post - here's a link to a reading I did Friday night:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ceaWYcCZlQ

Looks like it may need to be pasted into your browser....

Chow for now (again...)

It’s been a busy weekend here, in the Such Is Life household.

Well, outside the household, actually.

Friday night, I was part of a group of accomplished writers reading from their work at “Shining Stars”, a special event arranged by the folks over at Alexandra Writers’ Centre Society. That was a terrific evening, and kudos to everyone involved in arranging that soiree…

Yesterday afternoon, I was the guest speaker at the annual Canadian Diabetes Association Volunteer Appreciation event – another grand time. I did a half hour presentation that I may post if either the audio or video works out.

We followed that up by racing over to be part of a surprise 40^th birthday party for a friend.

Tonight, we are off to Stage West, to view the latest production there – Mel Brooks “The Producers”. I’ll have a review both here and in the Calgary Herald over the next few days.

In addition to all that, I’ve started interviews with the director and choreographer of the show, which will end up in my “Talkin’ Theatre With” audio series, which you can link to from those notes further down over to the left, in my profile.

I may do another interview with the director, who happens to be acclaimed playwright/screen writer Lee MacDougall, who has gained loads of positive press for the film release earlier this year of one of his own plays. Which is “High Life”, co-starring one of my old amigos from Winnipeg, the talented Stephen Eric McIntyre.

It is a small world, after all….

Chow for now!

Chicken Scratch

(pecked out with one bony claw by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Howdy, humans!

Ole Charlie is heer taday ta share his thoughts on the mose inmportint meal ov tha day – breaksfast.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

My docter sed I needed more fibre in my diet, which makes me think he’s a bigger quack than I gave him credit for. All I eat is pellets and chicken feed!!

OK, and beer.

Maybe a glass or two a whiskey, here an there…

An potato chips…

Well, mebbe I DO need to eat better, a bit.

Whatever – as you can see by this box a Kellhogs “Bran Shavings” I’m, standing beside, I’s completely committed ta healthy eatin’.

Committed is mebbe a word I should refrain frum usin’…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now!

Cool…

Check this out – there’s a flashing vertical bar on the page here, that’s moving along the page every time I touch a key on this here computer keyboard!

It’s like a chicken on the farm, that hustles off whenever you try and invite it in for “dinner”.

Can anyone else see this? Does anyone else experience this when they type on a computer??

It’s like a nubile young office assistant, scrambling to avoid her lecherous boss at an office Christmas party.

It’s actually a bit like me, scrambling to avoid Mrs. That Dan Guy when she’s gotten it in her head to do something else around the house…

Hey, if you’re in the Calgary area, I’m part of a group of readers tonight, at the Alexandra Writers’ Centre – this is going to be a great night of accomplished writers reading from their work – and I'll be there too! Check it out:

http://www.alexandrawriters.org/shiningStars_Poster.pdf

Be there, or be spare.

Chow for now!!

Thursdays are always a challenge for me, when it comes to posting here. I have an early start to my day, so there are only a few free moments before I have to get into gear, and get ready to leave. I barely have time to think of even basic drivel!!

So, I have gone waaaay back into the archives, and dug up an old column. Like, 7 years old!!

Enjoy:

How To Write A Hit Song!

I’m sure that when songwriters sit down to create a song that they hope will be incredibly popular and have a long shelf life, they go through a hit-and-miss process of eliminating lyrics that just didn’t have the impact they were initially hoping for. No matter how gifted a songwriter might be, there are bound to be dud lines that they eventually determine will never work.

Or, you could be Justin Timberlake, and nobody will care.

Back in the old days (from the invention of the Kazoo, up to and including the very first Karaoke evening), recording artists were judged by their combination of songwriting skills, and prowess on an instrument. It may have been piano, guitar, and even once in a while, flute (yeah, flute…go figure) but recording artists became just as famous for writing songs as performing them.

That doesn’t mean to say every attempt went straight from the written page to the recording studio. Many well-intended writing efforts fell victim to some degree of editing, and lyrics considered most excellent while under the influence of a variety of experimental medications became clearly ill conceived in the cold light of day.

Here’s a few examples from an old Paul Simon song:

50 Ways To Leave Your Lover (The failed rhymes, 17-35)

17) Ya gotta find a new home, Jerome

18) Forgot to use proper hygiene, Eugene.

19) Time to move to Miami, Sammy.

20) Got caught with your pal, Hal.

21) It’s not appropriate to sing, King.

22) Better wear a toque, Duke.

23) You should have been hipper, Flipper.

24) One last twist of the dial, Kyle.

25) Make your way with zeal, Neal!

26) Looks like rain, Shane…

27) Drive away in your Primus, Linus.

28) Take some melon, Helen.

29) You should gargle with Scope, Hope.

30) Try winter apparel, Cheryl.

31) Wear a nice dreth, Beth.

32) Run away with the bartenda, Brenda.

33) Give it a whirl, Pearl.

34) I caught you with Greg, Peg.

35) Don’t forget your i-pod ™, Ichabod.

(Chow for now...)

HBO’s “Treme” – New Orleans

I’m not sure why I like “Treme”, the new HBO series set in New Orleans so much. Could be the music, which plays a role in the show, much as it does in the city itself. Could be the cast, which boasts stars from the big and little screen – including John Goodman, Steve Zahn, and CSI’s Khandi Alexander.

It could be the storyline, which has done a pretty good job in the first episode of relaying the mood in the city, post-Katrina. Having been toured through some of the hardest hit areas of the city a couple of years ago with a group of fellow newspaper columnists, the storyline does a nice job of conveying the mood of residents as they sort through the wreckage, and try to restore any sort of order to what used to be their lives.

I don’t appear to be alone in my interest – HBO renewed the show after the first episode, based on ratings and positive feedback. As the characters flesh out, it will be interesting to see what direction this new series takes. I’m already a fan of Zahn’s heartfelt disc jockey/musician character, and John Goodman looks to be chewing up the screen convincing anyone willing to listen that the disaster was as much a conspiracy as it was a tragedy – part of what makes the real-life recovery efforts so frustrating.

If you missed it, you can catch reruns, or jump in when the second episode runs. The show is as addicting as the city it’s based on.

For now, this is one new series we’ll be looking forward to each week, here in the Such Is Life household.

Chow for now!!

Bingo

Bongo

Bunko

Plinko

Plunko

Me Oh My Oh…

Chow for now-o…

Sigh…

I should think twice, before I whine here online.

I make one lousy comment about the snowfall the other day, and awake THIS morning to yet another snowfall – not only that, we may continue to get snow until later in the week.

I made a note to pick up some of the lawn furniture yesterday, then made an executive decision to just leave it out. Like other aspiring executives (fictional, of course), Donald Trump would look at the merits of that decision, and bluntly tell me that I was fired.

So, now I just have to cross my fingers, and hope that wet rot doesn’t set in on the fabric of our chairs, or that an elk doesn’t thrash through the outdoor set whilst migrating through the snow.

Some day, spring will really arrive, and leave this weather behind (or at least leave it in Winnipeg and Regina, where it belongs…).

Till then, I’ll just have to offer Mrs. That Dan Guy my sincerest moral support, as she shovels the driveway yet again…

Chow for now!!