Rats Return To Alberta?

I heard on the TV news this morning that our rat-free status is in jeopardy again, here in Alberta. This is the second such infestation in just 18 months!

I suppose we need to clear up the rat situation, but I'm sure it plays a part in helping law enforcement, if informers cooperate with officers and lawyers to help bring their associates to justice.

It might be better to use "nicer" slang, if the term "rat" is the problem.

How about canary? They used to use that in the cartoons when I was a kid - "he sang like a canary"...

I suppose "pig" would be confusing, although one does "squeal" - however I believe that is still slang for cops.

Is "informant" off the table?? Hard to believe they are still considered "rats"...

It's one confusing "tail", that's for sure!

Later....

Bean Counter

I can't seem to find my bean counter here in the kitchen?

I've got a place for a breadbox, a coffee-maker - even the toaster. But I just can't seem to spot a logical counter for which to dedicate space for beans??

I will probably have to call someone in to help with this dilemma - and me with a brand new bag of beans!!

AAAARGH!!

Later....

My David Letterman Memory

With last week's announcement of David Letterman's pending retirement, I shamefully dust off this old blog post, which eventually became a newspaper column piece as well a few years ago. 

It's all pretty self-explanatory, if not at all serious:

Late Night, In The Afternoon

I had never been to New York City before, so when my wife and I planned an impromptu trip to The Big Apple recently, she made a request for tickets to attend a taping of the Late Night With David Letterman show. Despite our limited but hopeful expectations – we got a call, and correctly answered a Late Night trivia question – we were in! And as it happened, we were present for history being made, with guest Sir Paul McCartney appearing on the show for the first time in his career.

Even having pre-arranged tickets before leaving Canada, you can’t start to breathe easy until you’ve got the actual tickets in your hot little hands. Anything can happen – a freak infestation of holidaying killer bees, street vendor hot dog stand food poisoning, aging Paul McCartney fans threatening to pummel you with their Beatles memorabilia – it is a gauntlet of gnawing anticipation, as you watch the crowd gathering.

But wait – I’m getting ahead of myself! Before the show, we stopped in at Hello Deli, owned by Letterman recurring character Rupert Jee. His business was the trivia question I answered correctly, to get our tickets. It just felt proper to reward him by taking up space in his deli, to split a roast beef sandwich. I even kept his hand-scribbled note, indicating we ordered the “Brian” sandwich (although he should maybe have been a prescribing physician instead – it looks more he wrote “Pmai”).

After lunch, we finally began the lengthy queue to get those tickets in our hands, waiting to get into the Ed Sullivan Theatre – the very theatre that The Beatles, Elvis, heck - virtually every top performer of that era appeared. Just above us, on top of theLate Night marquee, Sir Paul was doing a sound check for a mini-concert he was doing as part of the show. “Get Back” – Holy Flashback of “Let It Be”, Batman!!! You got goose-pimples…

The process in the ticket line is a bit secret-agent-ish. You wait in one line, then get herded off to the other side of the street, while your heart sinks as you briefly believe that they are escorting you away from the theatre. Keeping your eyes peeled for gentlemen in pin-striped suits with cement buckets, you are relieved to discover that the next stop is the Roseland Theatre, directly across the street from legendary former New York disco Studio 54, where you are sorted by groups into more groups, to (at long last) find tickets to The Late Show in your sweaty palms. Your pulse soon returns to normal.

But, you’re not done waiting. Another line, this one under the marquee, where McCartney is rehearsing “Coming Up”. I hope it’s more like “Staying Up”, as that marquee looks awfully old…

Despite the charade, the show is taped in the afternoon, for broadcast later that night. You have never been so thankful for air conditioning as you are when you finally step foot into the theatre – sweaty goose pimples are considerably unsightly.

In the theatre, we ended up in the second row, just off to the side. We were about 5’ from announcer Alan Kalter – 20’ from Letterman himself while he was sitting at his desk with Sir Paul, after his opening monologues and silly bits. We had a clear view ofThe CBS Orchestra, and hammy cohort Paul Shaffer. The whole thing just made your head swim. Even more surreal, action star Bruce Willis strolled out to do the Top Ten List, of things he was doing that summer. Fine sense of humour, Mr.Willis. He turned up for the mini-concert afterwards, soliciting more photo ops – cameras not allowed IN the theatre, but free to snap on the street. A street full of happy snappers, there was…

Oh yeah, the concert – McCartney did a half-dozen songs, even though only two were broadcast as part of the show. Great blend of Wings, Fireman and Beatles stuff. The Late Night audience had a special viewing area, as the streets of Manhattan were literally swollen with McCartney fans.

So, not only did I attend a filming of David Letterman’s enduring show, I also had the opportunity to see Paul McCartney make his first-ever return visit to the site of one of the most memorable TV broadcasts of all time.

I have the feeling that getting a High Score on my Wii Bowling just won’t be the same anymore…

©Dan St.Yves 2009

Captain America - Because...

Caught Captain America yesterday. Not entirely sure if it was a biopic or not. I think he holds a high-ranking office in the United States, but I could be wrong. Maybe right hand to POTUS??

Seriously, a good action yarn, with loads of explosions and special effects. We sprung for the 3-D screening, which only made our money leaving my wallet appear more vivid. I would recommend seeing the film, just pass on the 3-D extravagance.

I can't spoil any of the story or plot or 'wow" moments, but I can say our popcorn was simply exceptional. The theatre really went out of their way on that. Delicious.

So, to recap - Captain America: may be a high-ranking U.S. soldier, or this could have all just been escapist entertainment. Very good, recommend seeing it. Hope your popcorn is as good as ours was.

Later!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by....umm...weekend guest blogger? Charlie Chicken??)

Well, well, well...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Pulled mah column BOTH days lass weekend, eh??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Wut am ah, invizzible??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Hmmph...

Pluckin' hoomans...

Cluck fer nowc - Ah'm too imoshunal ta gab taday...

Alley Gators

Can I make a confession?

I have an irrational fear of alley gators. The last thing I want to come into contact, walking through a dark alley at night, is an alley gator.

That's why I keep a bag of marshmallows handy at all times. When we were in New Orleans a few years ago, and we went on a swamp tour, that's what they fed to the alley gators there. So, I figure my best chance to avoid getting mauled by an alley gator is to have something to distract it with.

I suppose I could also sport a fashionable "murse" or a certain style of snazzy shoes, just to send the thing a message. For a prehistoric critter that tastes like a modern-day chicken, alley gators can be ruthless killers.

The world is a constant source of concerns, I tell you...

Later...

Postage Jumps To $1.00 A Letter In Canada!!

The news outlets this week have been alerting Canadians to a sudden jump in postage rates. You get a break for buying s book of stamps, a generous .85 apiece in bulk. Otherwise, a single letter postage paid will be $1.00

I was so angry at this cash grab I jumped into my horse and buggy and whipped them down the cobblestone street until I made it to the post office. We were going so fast, my eight-track tape came loose from the player!

I parked under a gas street light...

These postal offices and employees are tasked with handling the tens of snail mail letters that seniors, shopper surveys, flyer producers and general spammers send to homes across the country regularly, often arriving more than once a week to our super-mailbox. (Yes, they are also announcing the phasing out of actual home delivery - what are we living in, the era of The Jetsons???)

When I tried to open the door it was locked. Coffee time. Damn, they've got a good union at the post office...

Well, there's aways email I guess - flame on!!!

Later.... 

Flawtography Episode #018

"Flawtography By Dan"

Episode # 018

Neil Diamond In Concert

Even though we saw Neil Diamond live in concert several years ago, looking at this picture just brings me right back into the stands of The Calgary Saddledome. 

As you can see clearly, he looks terrific, and the crowd sure was appreciative of his show that evening. He did Sweet Caroline twice, back -to-back!

I did a review, which even features a short video clip - yes, bootleg video...

Ah, they say a picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, those words are classic song lyrics...

Later!

Mack The Knife

Ken The Fork

Bob The Spoon

Art The Melon-baller

Ed The Toothpick

Nick The Napkin

Swirly The Corkscrew

Smack! The Tenderizer



Later.......

Last Snow Of March

We are told by reasonably reliable people (TV weather forecasters - the modern-day equivalent of gypsy fortune tellers, and about as accurate) that today will be the last day of snowfall for March.

I can actually believe that, what with the month being over by tomorrow...

Later!!

Artists' Collective Theatre review: "Fat Pig"

Artists' Collective Theatre

Neil LaBute's "Fat Pig"

www.ActTheatre.ca

(photo courtesy of Leanne Williams, Red Shoe Photography. Pictured: Peter Dorrius, Amanda Liz Cutting, Tanner d'Esterre. Missing: Stephanie Orr)

The Sunday Morning "Before-Noon" Theatre Review: 

Artists' Collective Theatre presents Neil LaBute's 

"Fat Pig"

MOTEL, in the Epcor Centre for the Performing Arts

When the final "fade to black" concluded yesterday's performance of "Fat Pig", I thought "well, that was great, but what - 35, 40 minutes?" When I got out into the lobby and checked my phone, I discovered that the production had run an HOUR and 45 minutes, non-stop - no intermission. 

That's how deeply you get pulled completely into this thought-provoking exploration of human nature and sensitivity (or lack thereof) regarding people that may be different, however and by whomever that perception might be concluded.

Set in the intimate MOTEL theatre in Calgary's Epcor Centre for the Performing Arts, the audience surrounding the performers in their seats by less than a few yards away truly completes the immersion into this drama. From the first scene where the two main characters meet, the dialogue is authentic - a gentle verbal ping-pong match between plus-sized Helen and rake-thin Tom as they quickly move from awkward through nervous, to inquisitive, and on to tentative. It doesn't take long for both these actors to foreshadow where this will lead, but the audience is rewarded for the journey by the rich, real-life characters that populate the story.

Showcasing a tenuous grip on self-confidence tethered by a facade of bubbly personality, Amanda Liz Cutting as the full-figured Helen takes the audience on her emotional roller-coaster ride from start to finish. As her nervous, similarly lacking in self-assurance beau Tom, Peter Dorrius is equally talented at making his character's relationship questions of confidence and failures relatable.  

The sand in Tom's oyster of confidence is provided by two co-workers, his gregarious pal Carter (Tanner d'Esterre) and colleague/almost girlfriend Jeannie (Stephanie Orr). Again, as with the early meeting of Helen and Tom, the dialogue and reactions are truthful and believable. LaBute's writing doesn't drift into contrite or pretentious - you have likely heard a person, or even spoken like this yourself with close friends about others.

All of which makes this play work so well, and speed by in such a manner that you feel like you want to stay for a second act after it ends. In nature, sand in an oyster makes pearls. In weak wills, and under peer pressure from multiple directions, you may not get that perfect, hoped-for ending. 

There are so many interesting elements in "Fat Pig" - the societal and closer personal peer pressure, judgment over choices, the subjectivity of what or who a person is. And the political correctness that hovers over everything we choose to accept as "normal" or appropriate. One scene uses descriptions long relegated to the graveyard of societal acceptance: "fags", "cripples", and "retards". The only thing missing was the "n"-word. 

Can Tom find peace with his inability to come to terms with love despite the clear lack of acceptance by everyone he knows? I'm glad we don't get to find out by the end. 

Kudos to the crew for making everything work convincingly in a sparse stage design. Final  thought - not being familiar with this production before yesterday, I can't say if it was in the original script or a decision by ACT, but the Renaissance elements (the promotional poster, the Mona Lisa socks, and the book on the beach) were a reminder that society hasn't always held skinny women in the highest regard. Subjectivity, and people change with time...

"Fat Pig" runs March 26  - April 5

Calgary Folk Club 03 28 14 review: Fearing & White

Calgary Folk Club

March 28, 2014

Fearing & White

The "Before-Noon" Folk Club Review:

Calgary Folk Club,

with "Fearing & White"

(Stephen Fearing & Andy White)

Talk about commitment - one arriving from Halifax, the other from Melbourne, both bringing pervasive warmth among their songs and self-deprecating exchanges with each other and the Calgary Folk Club audience last night....

With a history going back to my hometown Winnipeg Folk Festival (meeting up there in 1998), and years each on stages before forming Fearing & White, these two award-winning singer songwriters showed no evidence of the gruelling efforts (and travel hours) needed to make it in to the club for their performance. 

Talk about world music - each having an Ireland connection, blended with Fearing's Canadian residencies and White's now in Australia. The end result is certainly a diversity of riches lyrically and melodically. Trying to come up with some sort of comparison if you're not familiar with either, it was to me a bit like John Prine singing alongside George Harrison. A depth of talent to say the least...

(Stephen Fearing)

Touring a brand-new release Tea And Confidences, the first set opened with tracks from their 2011 self-titled album. 12 string guitars, bass, and about a half-dozen instruments from Fearing's Mobile Six-String Collection brought together songs like "Say You Will", "Shake The Hand"and "This Isn't Hollywood".  I have to say, I've become an awfully big fan of resonator guitars that are being used frequently now, sans slide - especially with haunting tremolo added for effect. Song after song, guitar after guitar, no surprise there was a rush to the merchandise table at the break for this music...

Hard to pick favourites from songs that stand on their own so well, but for me at least a few of the high points of the evening had to have been "October Lies", "Italian Girls On Mopeds" (along with the hilarious stories around that one), "If I Catch You Crying", "Mothership", along with the ethereal wonder of their closer "Emigrant Song". 

Well, plus one more that I couldn't quite catch the lyrics for . I jotted down "Out On The Baest West", but I'm pretty sure I'm completely wrong on that. Hopefully I'll figure it out when I listen to both those albums later today...

As I mentioned earlier, their sound combines word, folk, roots, rock and even a bit of pop. Together, it's just a winning combination. 

As it happened, I ran into the two during the break between their sets. Genuinely nice folks, and in that very short time we talked about their Alberta tour, how Fearing's Irish accent was less obvious than White's, and I got a few terrific recommendations for some music-related books and movies.

I did ask how much juggling they have to do, what with each having solo careers, their duo project, and Fearing's involvement with Blackie & The Rodeo Kings (also just releasing a new album "South"). We also heard that there's photography (Stephen) and poetry (Andy)!

Stephen suggested that it's all different parts of the "hard drive". 

For fans of all their projects, we can only hope that those hard drives never crash...

Some vital links you will need to have:

Fearing & White (if you can't catch them on their current tour, the albums are all on iTunes)

Stephen Fearing  (Incidentally, Blackie & The Rodeo Kings appeared on the legendary Grand Ol' Opry earlier this month!)

Andy White (His new solo album is "How Things Are", and check out his published work as an author!)

The Calgary Folk Club has just one evening left in this season. However, they are currently selling season passes for the new one. Try and catch the last show, and find out more...

Later!

The Snow Of March

I'm not sure you'll be able to find anyone east of Hades that isn't going to complain about this year's relentless winter. As I type this right now, snow is falling, and we are well below Zero. Celsius!

However, parts of the country are getting far worse measures of this relentless Jack Frost OD. The Maritimes got hammered yesterday, and even folks I follow in Florida have had to put on long-sleeved shirts to go for a walk at night. It's virtually playing on everyone's last nerve - if those nerves still have any feeling.

Global warming?? Fire it up - and while you're at it, send out a search party for the sun. I've roasted enough of my chestnuts over an open fire....

Later!!

Inside A Real Estate Office

Every organization known to mankind may eventually get large enough to start an in-house company newsletter.

My latest REM column is probably not what a real office would put out (better judgment aside), but I think it's a lot of fun nonetheless:

Monthly Newsletter

Enjoy!

Later....

Wild Horses (Couldn't Keep Bees From Hay)

It is a truism that has endured the ages. If you want to want to discourage bees from loitering around your hay, wild horses have proven time and time again to be an ineffective deterrent.

Playing Barry Manilow music has some effect, but bees do hum, so eventually they will get right into those classic hits, and again, you won't keep them from your hay.

Cayenne pepper has some success, but will also make your horses sneeze if you leave it on the hay too long. Never mind what it does to the droppings - Holy Nuclear, Batman!!

In my opinion, there is only one effective solution to keep those pesky bees from your hay. Automated scarecrows with very sensitive motion detectors, armed with flamethrowers.

Bear in mind, even you may not be able to get near your hay. But you will get rid of those bees!

Later...

I've Been Thinking...

In that old hit song, do you think that a flower was ALL that Delta Dawn had on??

Did we ever find out what that flower was?

Was the song writer a botanist, or horticulturist, in that they didn't care that a flower was all she was wearing? That's dedication to the craft...

Hey, what if it was flour she had on? That would make a lot more sense.

To me, at least....

Later!

King Kong's Allergy...

Sure, most primates live and play in trees - but I think that if we really examine why King Kong spent so much time scaling tall buildings when he came to live in the civilized world, I think it's not much of a stretch to conclude that he had an allergy to asphalt.

After all, he was barefoot, so all he would have encountered in the city would have been sidewalks and roads at the street level. Therefore, the Empire State Building provided much needed relief, in the absence of a pharmacist that would have just provided him a prescription for antihistamines.

Wonder how things would have played out if Obamacare had been available at the time???

Mystery solved!

Later....

Surviving Extended Winter Weather

Even in Canada, we have our limits. Continued snowfalls and sub-zero weather can even get on our polite dispositions. FYI, Ole Man Winter - I'm looking at you - capeesh?? You and me, long walk, short pier.

PS - You will be walking further than me....

That said, despite the tulips covered in three feet of snow in the last couple of weeks of March, we have to find ways to cope.

Here's a few thoughts:

1) Burn an effigy of Ole Man Winter, while playing The Beach Boys greatest hits on a boom box, full blast. If you choose to wear shorts and a tank top while doing so, consider leaving a freshly heated Hot Pocket in your boxers..

2) Rope enough Canadian Geese to a tree so that their flatulence will raise the temperature at least a few blessed degrees...

3) Dance like no one is watching. It's very likely with the ski wear, scarves and frozen glasses, no one will be...

4) Quarantine yourself indoors, return to work in June. Except for Manitoba and Minnesota, where you will have to wait for the August thaw.

5) Visualize that you are in a warmer climate, like Pluto, or Siberia.

6) Invent trendy, fashionable snow clothes, that make this cursed abundance desirable instead of the relentless nuisance that it really is.

7) Marry A penguin.

8) Positive Affirmations: "I Can Regrow Those Frostbitten Toes", "I'm Warm, I'm Happy, Now I'm Going To Stop Crying"...

9) Huddle in groups - great way to meet new people, but consider introducing ourself first!

10) Keep your hands in your pants. We males do this by instinct anyway, and it sure has proven effective over the years...

Later

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Bill?

BILLY???

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Breathe man, BREATHE!

Wut the cluck wuz ya doin'  in tha freezer??

Hang in there buddy - I'm callin'  a medic!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

How come yer skin's so shiny.....

and....

and...

where's yer extrem-atees?????????

MEDIC!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

MEDIC!!

I gotta get help - cluck fer now!!!!

Angry Hogs

Today is National Pulled Pork Day, in case you're wondering why every pig you happen upon in your travels is VERY suspicious of your intentions.

That said, feel free to pull a pigtail when you pass one today!!

Later...