I have decided unilaterally today to give myself some sort of title. Something that would look impressive on a business card, yet might not actually require any sort of achievement of any kind, requiring closer scrutiny.

So, here are just a few of the options I’ve come up with so far, and I’ll leave it up to all of you out there to help me out on this. Be my accomplices, so to speak, based on your feedback.

The first idea was to add “Certified Stapler Technician”. I know it doesn’t have a grandiose ring to it, like “Physician & Surgeon”, but if you’ve ever had one of those buggers get jammed with a staple, would you call a doctor, or a certified stapler technician? Yeah, me too…

Idea Number Two would be to add a line on my business card indicating that I am a “Fromage Chef Master”, which gives me a bit of an exotic air, I think. No one would really need to know that my fromage skills relate mainly to Cheez Whiz and Kraft Dinner…

Idea Three involves a title I might call “Lifetime Director Of Ambience”. I have been a lifelong lover of music, and often create terrific mixed cassette tapes of groovy tunes, to play while...while doing housework. Yeah, that’s the ticket, housework. Hence, director of ambience. And I wouldn’t really be stretching the truth all that much with that faux title. Maybe I could get a gig doing up cassette tapes for Starbucks’ background music??

Idea Four (and thankfully - the last) involves a little more deception on my part, compared to the other three. It has long been a dream of mine to suggest that I am an on-air radio personality. Not actually being an on-air radio personality, just able to suggest it.

Now, with the advent of podcasting, I really can suggest on a business card that I am a “Morning Radio Host” Podcasting, if you may not be aware, is an online broadcasting venue currently all the rage, wherever raging occurs. So, all I need to do is plug my cassette Walkman into my computer, buy a microphone, and voila – “Morning Radio Host”!! Now, I wonder if The Spice Girls have got their new album out yet???

Chow for now!!