The “Getting’ It Out Of Our System” Tour 2009 – Day One – Las Vegas

Well, even though you could get the mistaken impression that we are in New York right now – that is in fact a shot of the New York New York Hotel & Casino, where we used to stay for years when we came here to Vegas. We’re not staying there this time either, but it sure is picturesque…

Beastly hot – over 100° - the sidewalks are actually soft…

Hey, someone we saw here a few years back with some fellow family (good morning, g’s) got into a bit of trouble recently: http://www.vegasdeluxe.com/blogs/luxe-life/2009/jul/05/steve-wyricks-death-drop-stunt-strip-goes-flames/ Not sure if that link will work, but worth a view :-)

Hey, this is the start of Day Two - we got in late yesterday afternoon! This could get confusing…my apologies.

Wow – the keyboard on this dinky netbook computer is small – I’ve massaged larger dimes. And with my big gorilla hands, the postings may be shorter than normal.

OK, there’s no need to be THAT happy about what I just said!

Better run – we got a day to plan!

Chow for now!

Well, not much of a post this morning I suppose. We’re at a hotel close to the airport, as we have an early flight out of Dodge shortly. Thus begins the “Gettin’ It Out Of Our System” tour – which will eventually see us extend our earlier stop on the extreme west coast of North America, all the way through to the east. We are agog with excitement. You should try that sometime.

This will also be my first extended run posting from the road on this little netbook, which aside from having a keyboard the size of a matchbook, is at least not the Crapmaster 2000. That alone makes me a happy camper.

Watched a poker broadcast from the Southpoint Hotel & Casino on our hotel room TV, with Canadian actress Jennifer Tilly – who happened to have $111,500 in chips at that point –hmmm - interesting - just sayin’….

Better boogie –

Chow for now

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Mowed the lawn yesterday evening.

OK, so maybe that’s not exactly worthy of a full-cap headline with exclamation marks, but I did perform that task in between rainstorms when I did it. And, a couple of times, it started to drizzle before I was done. That has to count for something, right?

Sheesh – tough room!

Well, that blasted gopher is really starting to make a mess of our lawn. Where he has burrowed under the stairs, the lawn is fairly well chewed up, and there are deep gaps between the ground and the concrete stairs. I hope he has a check-book, because before we bring in the gasser to send him off to Happy Burrowing Grounds, we expect to collect a little bit of rent.

The um…professional problem solver we consulted Friday though suggested we may have to wait until fall – so that he will be more likely to take the um…bait.

Frankly, I can’t help but think of that old carnival game, involving a big mallet – the next time he pokes his head out…

Chow for now!

Chicken Scratch

Hee Hee Hee…

Howdy humans! Ole Charlie here, foregoin’ the usual photo op of misself, to enjoy a bit of karmic irony. Seems like the ole Such Is Life household has taken on a tenant recently – of the rodent variety!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yessir, ole Banjo Boy & the missus came home the other night, and noticed a furry little head stickin’ outta underneath the front stairs to the home. Once the little head decided to pop further out, a groundhog was attached to it! Holy pluck!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

What’s funny is, these guys have MERCILESSLY ribbed some fellow family members about a certain squirrel in the attic for years now. I expect they’re quakin’ their pinfeathers over the repercussions of this new development. By the Great Rooster, if there’s any honour in the world – the family members will respect theez tryin’ times here at the homestead.

Hee Hee Hee…mebbe I will get me a copy of “Caddyshack” on the ole Betamax tonite…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck for now!

Oh brother…

Well, we won’t ever be accused of being “too smart for the room”…

Yesterday afternoon, we picked up a new cell phone for Mrs. That Dan Guy, so that we can text each other once we depart on the “Getting It Out Of Our System” tour in a few days. More on that soon. Today’s post will focus on how aged people should not be allowed to handle new technologies – or at least us people, perhaps.

So, the phone is pretty slick, and all we really needed it to do was text back and forth, something even a three-year-old can figure out how to do these days. However, when I tested texting her from my Blackberry, all she received were dotted lines – no readable text whatsoever. Rather than try to change settings, we just kept sending test messages back and forth, hoping it would resolve itself. What’s that old definition of insanity? Continue doing the same thing, expecting different results?

Well, after a couple of fruitless hours hoping this different result might appear, we went back to the mall where we bought the damn thing. And consequently puzzled the staff there – who had never seen anything like it before. They could all text her just fine – my phone (the one that mattered) could not. It was like mine sent out morse code, without the dots. I like using those dashes when I write, but this was downright ridiculous.

So, we had to rush off to meet friends for dinner, which we did. After bringing up this subject with them, they tried texting her – and those all went swimmingly. Mine, still not so much. One suggested maybe it was a language setting, which I checked out, and discovered that there was indeed some foreign language set as my default – changing it to English resulted in a successful message sent and received.

Text messaging, made simple – in under six hours, and with only 6 people helping to resolve the problem.

Next up, I explore quantum physics – that shouldn’t be as hard for us to master.

Chow for now!

Duped!

Deceived!

Misled!

Bamboozled!

Led down the garden path!!

(It looked like it was going to rain last night, and yet it never did. I hate when that happens…)

Chow for now!

Happy Canada Day, fellow Canadians! May the maple syrup flow freely in the streets…

Hey, why didn’t I plan ahead and have one of those “Fun Facts About Canada” postings for TODAY? Man, I’m such a dope.

Oh well, that’s gonna have to be water under the fridge, like forgetting about Charlie’s posting this past Saturday. I’m pretty sure he’s going to have his beak in a knot when he gets online THIS weekend… Oy…

For Canada Day, it appears to be a sunny, warm day, with only a 30% chance of precipitation. That still leaves a 75% chance for snow. Sadly, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I will not be out marching with fellow ice skaters today – we are preparing for the delivery of my new office furniture tomorrow morning. Nothing elaborate, just something other than the el cheap-o crap I’ve over-utilized the past few years – now I will have a drawer or two to hide paperwork in.

I am a-tingle with anticipation…

Chow for now!!

Fare thee well, June – don’t let the door hit you in the caboose on your way out…

So, after due consideration regarding our recent excursion, I am coming to the conclusion that my odd (and frequent) encounters with repetitive and/or consecutive numbers must be related to my writing. Or, I’m really just making a mountain out of a coincidental molehill, but for the purpose of having something to write about this morning – let’s go with the former.

Here are just a few examples of these dang numbers apearing, throughout our trip:

1) Arriving from LAX to Oxnard, we touched down on Runway E11.

2) Taxiing in to the terminal, we arrived at EXACTLY (and I’m not making this up) 1:11 PM.

3) Having left our luggage back in L.A., we filled out a claim ticket. Number 333.

4) The hospitality suite for our weekend retreat was Room Number 1112. The first room you walked into getting off the elevator each evening was #1111.

5) Returning to Canada, we filled out a Customs Declaration Form, and the customs officer marked it “A-11”.

6) We entered Canada through Lane #11.

OK, there were more, but those were just a few that I took time to record. I swear, I don’t believe that a white light is glowing in the recesses of my closet, but I am continually confounded by the appearance of so many coincidental numbers in my everyday life.

Now, if I could only win an $1111 million dollar lottery…

Chow for now!!

Home Sweet Home…

We returned late last night from my recent conference, and this is the first chance I’ve had to fire up the Turdmaster 2000. Sadly, I may owe it an apology…

On our trip, the Vista operating system on the Turdmaster seemed to work much more efficiently. For some reason, outside the home it actually remembers what it is supposed to dowhen you try and perform simple little operations - such as turning it on, or opening a file.

However, back here at home, it reverts back to the frustrating, Forest Gump-like (but without Forest’s charm) operation, forgetting what to do at every step of the way. Turn on? Duh…okey-dokey…but this is gonna take awhile! Save settings? O-boy…how does that work again?

It is really a matter of something interfering, or giving off interference in our home, I suspect. Not that it works all THAT much better when we’re away, but at least the dang thing seems to start in under half an hour, and doesn’t open media files when you try and start a Word document. I still have to check that the spelling software catches stuff like “kat”, or “bagle”. I’ll leave you to try and decide what I was trying to spell with that last one, but it sure as shooting wasn’t “bagle”…

Hey, while I was away, I discovered completely by accident that cute little colloquialisms we use here in Canada aren’t universal. Like when you’ve done something for the very first time, and you say, “well it was my first kick at the cat”… Isn’t that a universal phrase? Apparently not, judging by the horrified looks I got from fellow attendees.

Sheesh…

Chow for now!

Ventura California, Day Four

Well, another year, another conference wrapping up. We have a business meeting this morning, then about an hour left open to try and catch a snack at Top Hat, something of an iconic hot dog stand here in historic downtown Ventura. Yesterday, a small group of us snuck off mid-afternoon to In ‘N’ Out, a California burger joint I would describe as similar to McDonald’s, but with some flair. If that doesn’t sell you on it, don’t miss it if you’re in this state – the food is terrific!

I had hoped to take some streaming video of Ventura Highway, made famous decades ago in the song of the same name by America. Despite the easy-listening sounds of that song, Ventura Highway is literally a steady stream of cars blazing by – one of those oxymoron-type things, or at the very least just not consistent with what you may have pictured over the years. I really expected to see a horse with no name sauntering down cobblestone – but it's more like a succession of space rockets hurtling towards Mars.

We’ve had a blast. Great to see old friends, and meet new ones. Oh yeah, and for the purposes of writing this shindig off, I learned a lot about my craft. Not just surfing...

True dat!

Chow for now!!

Ventura California, Day Three

For the love of Pete.

Yesterday, the first full day of the conference I’m out here attending, we had a stellar line-up of high-wattage speakers. And I chose to post a picture of a surfing dog. Well, no one’s ever accused me of having the most acute decision-making skills when it comes to this sort of thing. But gosh-darn it, he was just so darn cute…

What a day of speakers and panellists yesterday! We had industry leaders talk about the changes in the newspaper industry, we got tips and tricks to stay relevant in the ever-changing newspaper landscape, and we heard from three completely different superstars – and if all that weren’t enough to knock your socks off, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I shared our dinner table with Heloise, the impossibly charming and popular writer of the syndicated “Hints From Heloise” columns. If I could have had a peanut butter sandwich along with all that, I would have had to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming!

The first keynote speaker of the day was Steve Lopez, whose name may be familiar if you’ve already seen the movie based on his bestselling book (inspired by columns he wrote) “The Soloist”. We’ve seen the movie, just starting the book now. All the extra background details were simply amazing – what an experience that random act of creative investigative journalism has been for him.

Later, humorist W. Bruce Cameron of the two “8 Simple Rules” books, and “How To Remodel A Man’ talked about adapting work (and the inherent risks involved) for TV & film. He was gracious enough to spend some time with me after his presentation for an interview, which will be an upcoming column, and (once I edit my stammering out) an audio feature. One funny dude…which seems like appropriate lingo here by the ocean, man…

Finally, Jeffrey Zaslow, closed the day out with the details of how he came to co-author “The Last Lecture” with Professor Randy Pausch, which along with his original column and the broadcast of said lecture have become a world-wide success. Pretty inspiring stuff for a guy who still cheers whenever he doesn’t burn his toast in the morning.

And, there’s more all day today.

Chow. For now…

Ventura California, Day Two

One of the cool things we discovered before arriving here was that Ventura is the place where author Erle Stanley Gardner began writing his famous Perry Mason series. Not that anyone seems to remember that, but there are a few sites that document his days here – such as the Erle Stanley Gardner Building, where we took this photo. The actual offices are now occupied by other companies, so we couldn’t go in. However, I can say that I took the very same elevator that Mr. Gardner used to take every day, as he launched one of the most successful writing careers ever.

The elevator would seem to be the only thing we have in common…

Technically, we “did” Ventura yesterday, before the registration for my conference in the afternoon. We hoofed it through historic Downtown Ventura, and had lunch in a fun little diner called Busy Bee Café. I ordered a foot-long hot dog that not only lived up to its name, it had five toes to seemingly impress that point upon me. There was something quite intimidating about the beast.

Later in the afternoon, we started to run into fellow attendees, and I had to attend a pre-conference board meeting before grabbing a quick snack, and meeting the gang in the lobby of our hotel, to grab a shuttle over to a historic mission for our first reception. All of this while struggling to come to terms with losing not only Farrah, but Michael Jackson as well. What kind of day goes like that??

We wrapped up the night at a local waterfront restaurant, with a couple of friends, and varied seafood selections. Most batter-free – sorry Captain Highliner…

Chow for now!

Ventura California, Day One

“California dreamin’, on a sunny summer day…”

Alright, so I don’t exactly have “lyric recall” as an arrow in my writing arsenal – so sue me! My point is, walking along our promenade that runs along the ocean here in Ventura, you just automatically think of all those song lyrics that encapsulate the sun, the sand, and the surf. Not to mention the turf, which has always been a delightful combination with said surf for dinner, at “market prices”. Pass me the butter…

The video clip above just shows the rolling surf outside our hotel room. Later in the day, as the surf was cresting much higher, the water was filled with surfers. Even a one-legged surfer, which we immediately wondered if the fella had been the unfortunate recipient of a shark visit. Do they have sharks here? So much for my skinny-dipping plans!

We’re here for the next few days for a writer’s conference, my annual NSNC gathering ( www.columnists.com ), and although much of the time here will be spent in sessions, I hope to share a few sites along the way as well. It’s a lovely little place.

Today, we explore…

Chow for now!

Fleetwood Mac Concert Calgary

The Wednesday Morning “Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway” Concert Review: (of the postponed earlier appearance of) Fleetwood Mac.

(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer…)

After postponing their last concert here in Calgary due to an illness in the band, Fleetwood Mac finally rolled through town last night, just before our previously scheduled trip to California this morning. Which is why I’m typing this post out at just around 4 AM, and an even blearier-eyed Mrs. That Dan Guy is trying to wash a few hours sleep off with a cold face cloth.

But hey, there was a concert for me to sort-of review here, so on with the show!

Well, I will confess to this show last night being something that we were both looking forward to. This was the first chance we’ve ever had to see Fleetwood Mac live in concert, let alone with MUCH of the line-up or band-mates that has cranked out hits since the early 1970’s. Which, happily, was pretty much the point of this whole tour. Hits, hits, and more hits.

And yet, for some odd reason, I have to say we were both underwhelmed initially. Even some pretty big hits just didn’t seem to generate much of anything – I don’t know why. Maybe it was the sound quality where we were seated, just under the echo chamber. Maybe it was a bit of vocal…uh…imperfection? It wasn’t until late into the first half of the show that the gang seemed to catch fire for us, with some smokin’ acoustic versions of their catalogue, notably an INSANE solo version of “Big Love” – Egads man, that Lindsey Buckingham is one under-rated guitar slinger – he absolutely kicks ass on the thing.

And of course, finally seeing the delightful Stevie Nicks prowl a stage was some fun. As I say, once they caught fire, the show rolled right along. Their catalogue is beyond comprehension, and they trotted out a few tunes that were a nice surprise, along with every major hit they’ve enjoyed. We snuck out during the second encore, mega-hit “Don’t Stop” – almost an accusation of our early departure. But hey, we’ve got a plane to catch, and only a few hours sleep – so we had to beg out early.

Great show in the end, oddly lacking spark early on.

Chow for now!

“J-J-J-J-Jive talkin’ , tellin’ me lies…

J-J-J-J-Jive talkin’, catchin’ house flies…

J-J-J-J-Jive talkin’, cats are so wise,

J-J-J-J-Jive talkin’, I’ll have some fries…”

Man, they just don’t write songs like that anymore. Although, I will admit that my recollection of the lyrics may be a bit fuzzy. I’m pretty sure they sing something about “deez guys” in there, along with the other lines. Really, you need to be one masterful songwriter to make all those elements work together.

I could have been a songwriter, you know. As a born wordsmith, I naturally leaned towards composing as a teenager - although many of my songs rhymed with acne, which failed to impress publishing houses. Nothing too romantic there, apparently.

Nor much that rhymes with acne, for that matter…

Chow for now!

* Mow Lawn – check.

* Take Out Garbage – check!

* Rake Leaves – check.

* Grease Squeaky Wheel On Little Red Wagon – check!

* Fertilize Petunias – check.

* Check Inflation Levels Of Car Tires – check-eroo!

* Pick Up New i-Phone, and GIFT Blackberry to Mrs. That Dan Guy – to do, pending….

Chow for now!!

If I had been a cowboy, I expect I would have been a swaggering cowpoke, just like John Wayne. I already squint when it’s sunny outside, and I do tend to carry myself with authority. Mrs. That Dan Guy can vouch for THAT, let me tell you.

I don’t think I would have been a rhinestone cowboy. I tend to lean towards earth tones in my wardrobe, and the thought of all those rhinestones clacking around would have driven me crazy, out on the open range.

I know for sure that I wouldn’t have been a Coca-Cola cowboy, because I prefer Pepsi.

There are days when I get a gander at my own man-boobs in the mirror and I worry about how close I come to being a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader…

I suppose I could also have been a Singing Cowboy, considering how well I can carry a tune in the shower. Maybe this morning I’ll practice some yodelling, out in the backyard.

Of course, being such a techno-wizard, maybe I’d be a Space Cowboy. I’m already a bit of a joker, and a smoker – is there such a thing as a Midnight Cowboy? I think there was…

Yee-Haw! We're burnin' daylight, pilgrims...

Chow for now, pardners.

Chicken Scratch

Bud-Da-Da-Da-Da-Dum –Dah

CRASH!!!

Holy Marchin’ Band, Batman!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Happy Saterday mornin’, ya featherless yahoos! Ole Charlie is practicin’ up, for upcomin’ parades…like, say – The Calgary Stampede parade!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Me and Hermoine here are gonna tag-team on cymbals, because cymbal players usually get pretty good placement in the parade process. Unlike all them other insturments, which get lumped inta one big clumpa hat-wearing sweat jockeys. I wanna be seen, in all my poultry glory!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

And why not? Wut’s a chicken gotta do to get a littlel lovin’ aroun’ here? If ya ain’t heard, they already made TV handyman Mike Holmes the pluckin’ parade marshall, so why not tap the chicken world’s answer to Brad Pitt for a little bitta cymbal bashin’? I could bring some class to that stodgy ole event!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Bud-Da-Da-Da-Da-Dum –Dah

CRASH!!!

Whoa! Easy there, Hermoine – it is still pretty early after all. I don’t think the hoomans here is even up yet – rollin’ in as they did at the crack o dawn lass night…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Aw, wut the cluck…HIT IT!!

Bud-Da-Da-Da-Da-Dum –Dah

CRASH!!!

Bud-Da-Da-Da-Da-Dum –Dah

CRASH!!!

Bud-Da-Da-Da-Da-Dum –Dah

CRASH!!!

Ah, muzik ta these ole ears!!

Cluck for now!!

Just when I thought I’d be getting an updated version of my aging Blackberry wireless handheld device, I see a segment on the new i-Phone on our local Breakfast News broadcast this morning. While I may be delaying a full-blown Mac attack here in the Such Is Life household, I could now potentially be introducing the wonder of Apple to our environment, via something like THAT spiffy little gadget!

Not that I don’t love my Blackberry. When we saw Jerry Seinfeld in concert the other day, he unleashed a blistering, hilarious routine against Blackberry users that hit awfully close to home. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m “addicted”, but I have risked my life on several occasions, stopping to “glance” at a new message, midway through one of Mrs. That Dan Guy’s soliloquies on something I will admit I can’t even recall at this particular moment. Rules To Live By: Never encourage a rhinoceros to charge, or glance even briefly at anything electronic when your partner is talking.

At any rate, this new i-Phone looks pretty slick, and it would be a justified purchase, perhaps leading to moving my old Blackberry over to MTDG, who no longer has one, and in her own way, loved the one she owned. If you’re as confused as I am by that last exchange, don’t be alarmed – I think I meant to say that I would gift her my old Blackberry, If I got a new i-Phone. I am generous that way...

Ah well, it's all speculation at this point anyway. The new phone has just come available here, so it will be awhile before I can make a decision. But the door to Apple-Land may slowly be creaking open, here in the Such Is Life household…

Chow for now!

I swear, the version of Windows Vista OS that I have on this computer is like a balloon that just doesn’t have enough helium to float. It’s like a 2-legged centipede. It operates about as well as a refrigerator without a door. I’d say that it’s like a fan with half a blade, but that wouldn’t do justice to just how much it blows.

Funny, I had gotten used to the little quirks and disappointments of Vista over time, but lately more are either returning, or new ones are plaguing me. Never mind that the damn thing takes 10 minutes to boot up, and even after that finally occurs, I need to walk through a series of prods that allow for the processor to remember to put down the cheese sandwich and begin processing. The irony is, when we bought this Brainiac Lite system, we decided to splurge – to get something that would be lightning fast, and capable of limitless performance.

Ha!

About as fast as the decomposition of Kraft Dinner still in the box, and about as limitless in performance as being barely able to keep track of time on the dashboard widget shaped like a clock (sometimes it scrolls baseball scores).

The other day, we were trying to make a simple DVD for a gift. First off, the blasted computer programs (three in total) wouldn’t recognize the camera, despite my having repeatedly loaded the software, and even the necessary upgrades to work with Vista. Hee Hee…”work with Vista” – the penultimate oxymoron…

Then, the software program to edit the short video clip appeared to work, but failed twice during the burning part of the effort. When I finally spent the required twenty minutes of boot/reboot/boot it in the ass one more time/reboot, the final product was filled with unedited footage, despite my having saved an edited version ONLY. I deleted the other footage, so the Vista brain had to really improvise to return THAT for the DVD.

I need to find a support group for addle-minded computer operating systems.

Or the owners that keep them…

Chow for now!!