I have decided that I would like to become a martial arts expert. I would like to register my hands with the FBI, not my hams. 

I can see myself leaping from behind a bush, springing to battle readiness with my Crouching Tigger, Hidden Braggin’. 

I would dazzle my Sensei with the breathtaking speed of my sprung palms, as I snatched the pebble from his hand. I would make Miss Piggy weep with inadequacy at the heartiness of my own “Hi-Yaah!!”

I believe I could pull off a white jumpsuit. Even Vegas Elvis made that work for a few years. I’ve already got a brown belt, so one quick trip to Wal-Mart and I’ll have a black one. 

Yes, I believe I could be one frightening martial arts expert...

Chow for now!!