My Chocolate Rant

Why is chocolate so darn good? How is it even legal for chocolate makers to create so many tasty concoctions that I am powerless to resist?

Why do chocolate bunnies give me those come-hither looks, looks that practically BEG me to bite their ears off???

How is it that M & M's have legs and appear to be free-thinking in their commercials, but are inactive and passive when you open up a package? They're not gonna get away from consumption Hershey - with THAT sort of self-defence mechanism!!

Chocolate fountains - who thought THAT was a good idea? Sure, you can cover strawberries or pineapple, but why not MORE chocolate?? COVERED IN CHOCOLATE!!!!!

Hershey - I'm looking at you! Knock it off with the delicious candies already.

Good grief... Why am I ranting about chocolate at breakfast time???? Could be my CHOCOLATE ECLAIR!!!

ECLAIR!!!!!

Sugar high..gotta calm down....

Sweet mother of cocoa...

Focus, man....

Later!

A Little Birdie Told Me...

"Tweet Tweet Tweet" "Chirp"

I frankly have no idea what the hell that means...

Later!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

OMG!!

OMG!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

A PETRIFIED CHICKEN!!

OMG!!

Wut evil devil haz afflickted this poor, proud poultry??

Turned ta wood, an placed upon a shelf!!

EVIL INCARNATE!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ah needs ta find a magician, or a sorcerer ta reduce this tragic sitchuayshun....

But first, mebbe a beer ta steddy mah nerves...

Cluck fer now!!! 

BAM!

Speaking of which, has anyone heard from Emeril lately??

Later....

Barbecuing A Chicken

1) Distract chicken by pointing off to the opposite direction of his field of vision.

2) Bonk chicken over head, hard enough to ensure he is unconscious.

3) Eviscerate, whilst wondering why you didn't just buy chicken parts at the supermarket instead...

4) Coat in BBQ sauce.

5) Grill.

6) Enjoy.

7) Reconcile with process by concluding that the chicken was headed in this direction regardless, so not really as cruel as it all sounds...

8) Suck it up man, it was a chicken! Dry your eyes and move on!!

9) The service for the bones and beak was lovely - I'm sure you have  more than atoned for what you did to the poor little fella...

10) Have you considered barbecuing a zucchini as you transition into becoming a vegetarian?

Later!

Lucky Charms Leprechaun Reveals Stretch of Bad Luck

The Daily Peeper has run a piece recently on how the Lucky Charms leprechaun has had to hide from the general public several bad investments, a hip replacement, and a short-lived  awkward decision to pawn his pot of gold.

Things have turned back around, and the little fella is now whistling a happy tune once again, swinging his shillelagh as he chuckles merrily along down the sidewalk.

This has been a Useless News Update.

Later!

(It Was, Briefly) The End Of The World As We Know It!!!

Man, just a few hours without internet, and you wonder how our caveman ancestors ever managed to make it through evolution without wi-fi...

We returned from a brief trip to visit family late last night, and this morning tried to communicate with the outside world. First, no new emails overnight. Then, no internet to determine if we had been invaded by aliens and had missed the alerts.

Finally, no phone service! Dear Internet - how about you work like you're supposed to! I'm too frail for this sort of disruption...

Driving Mrs. That Dan Guy to work, I was able to connect with wi-fi and/or wireless outside of our neighbourhood, and like Pavlov salivating over a bell, we had our beloved internet once again!

Maybe it was his dog, but really, the point is that after hearing emails and Facebook posts dinging on my smartphone, I was finally able to breath again.

No, I actually did salivate, truth be told...

At any rate, now back online here, but I have to go do some running around. I will have to depend on my phone to tether me to reality.

Or at least the cyber version...

Breathe...

It's gonna be OK....

Later!! (I hope...)

Monday. We've already had this conversation...

I want Friday back...

Later!

Keurig Coffe Makers

...kinda look like that last hole at the mini-putt course, where you have to make the golf ball hop up into the hole and see if it rolls down into one of the big score zones.

Where's my putter??

Later...

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Whoa!

Serious humidity here this mornin'!

Wut tha cluck!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I gotta iron out this problem, pronto!

Cluck fer now.....

Friday, The Noblest Of All Days.

There is really no other day like Friday, which brings with it two of the best days of the week - Saturday & Sunday.

Certainly not cursed Monday, which brings one back to work and has endless DAYS before the return of another weekend.

Not Tuesday, for sure. Tuesday just means you have survived Monday, but you are still DAYS away from the weekend.

Wednesday is getting better, but it's still no Friday. Even if Hump Day was reflective of something other than feeling like a camel trying to tap dance in a chorus line...

Thursday? The worst! Almost Friday, but not. And there's still another FULL day of work before the weekend.

So,  there is really no other day like Friday, which brings with it two of the best days of the week - Saturday & Sunday.

Happy Friday!

Ant Farms Failing To Make Dent In Economy

Ant farms have been popular for decades, but recent reports indicate that they do absolutely nothing to contribute to the overall growth of the economy.

That is due mainly to the obvious consideration that ants aren't really raising crops on their farms.

Also complicating matters is that many people pay exterminators to REMOVE ants, when they get too close to their homes, dismantling farms not contained in clear plexiglass displays.

Next, we'll examine the lack of impact flea circuses have on their competitors.

Later!!

Dr Oz Ain't The Only One Giving Questionable Weight Loss Advice!

As devastated as I am that following Dr. Oz's advice these past few months may have led to me NOT losing hundreds of pounds (sheesh - blueberries and pineapples, thanks for stuffing my gullet with fresh fruit, Oz!!), I also have recently suggested methods that may not stand up to scrutiny. Or common sense.

This ran earlier in my REM column (for non-savvy internetties, please click on where it says "This" back at the start of this paragraph.

Enjoy!

Just don't employ...

Later!!

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

But it would be far better if they could be raised to tell the truth when they're awake. Nobody likes a lying dog, idiom or not...

Later!

Talkin' With: Director Mark Bellamy for "Avenue Q"

Had a great sit-down recently with Calgary director Mark Bellamy, whose handiwork I caught in the recent Storybook Theatre production of "Shrek The Musical".

He's next on tap for "Avenue Q" at Stage West Calgary, and here's some links for what we had to discuss.

1) Calgary Herald Blog - the video links, as well as a newspaper style recap.

2) YouTube - the quickest, easiest site for viewing the interview, I suppose one could argue...

3) My podcast site - download, or just watch from the comfort of anywhere you may be :-)

Enjoy!

Later...

Weekend's Almost Over :-(

Although on the plus side, that means the rain will clear, and the gale force winds will calm down.

Sure saving a fortune on barbecue propane this year!

Later....

Chicken Scratch

(Posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Sentimental Saturdays

Around this time back in June of 2009 Charlie was doing some preparation work for the upcoming Calgary Stampede.

Here's what he was up to back then...

June 2009

Cluck fer now!

And So It Begins...

Sorry.

Meant to say "sew" it begins - I'm hemming a pair of pants...

Hey, my first official Calgary Herald blog today may look familiar, but there's new stuff coming soon!

Read it here!

Later...

My REM column today - Being Part of a 25 Year Journey...

Today's column in Real Estate magazine (REM) that's just gone live online isn't my typical monthly (real estate) humour piece.

I do reflect therein on having my national column running for the past 14 years, in this wonderful resource for Canadian Realtors. And anyone else that can view it anywhere in the world online the past few years...

Click here to give it a read.

In other news, I am just about to start my very own Calgary Herald blog, which will allow me more opportunities to review and reflect on items closer to home here in Calgary. It will be the new home for my theatre and concert reviews, as well as interviews and other features as I develop my audience in that space.

Along with the new blog, I'm setting up a Facebook author/writer page (simply added to my own personal one), so that people can "Like" and connect there rather than having to friend me. That's also how The Calgary Herald allows for feedback, so figured I had better create all this at the same time.

The only downside is that it is hosted on Wordpress, which I despise, but I am now going to have to learn it all over again, after pulling the pin a few years back when I tried it the first time.

It's a brave new world, friends - however silliness and other such stuff will continue on in this space, so don't go anywhere!!

Thanks, and enjoy that anniversary column...

Later!!

Great Jokes From My Childhood, That Are Not Now Horribly Politically Incorrect.

Hmmm..

Actually, that joke IS politically incorrect...

Sorry - back to the drawing board!!

Later....