Nicholas Fera

"Far From Wise" - Debut CD

Just got a sneak peek at the first-ever video interview I've done (with SUBSTANTIAL assistance from subject Nicholas Fera) - and I think it looks great!

Once I get a copy of the digital file, I'll load it up on my own site, which I'm thinking of changing to CIAO-TV (Clearly, I Ain't Oprah).

Great interview - great music - check it out!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrbBIN1gpAk 

CIAO (chow) for now!!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by one chillin’ chunka poultry...)

“Duck Down, Summer Inna City,

Backa my neck feelin’ dirt n gritty...”

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Howdy, losers! Ole Charlie is takin’ in sum rays on a fine, fine summer day. Even ma giblets is toasty!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Pretty quiet out here, aside from one cluckin’ hawk that keeps forcin’ me ta duck under this here lawn chair - ain’t he ever hearda Egg McMuffins??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Man, it is so pluckin’ relaxin’ when tha Canadian summer kicks in - fer tha few days outta tha year that it does. Just warms a bird’s feathers, doncha know??

HEY! Aw, curl ma fingernails and call me “hawk claws” - firgot ta bring a beer out! Wonder if Mac Attack is around? FETCH!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ah, I’ll jus close ma eye, maybe soak in summa this sun - I can always grab a cold one after a lil nap, and before I flip over ta ma backside. Gotta spread that tan evenly, ya know!!

Later, flesh-peeps! Me and the sun got sum bizniz here!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now.....

A Timely Look Back....

See below an excerpt from my old newspaper column, May 28, 2004:

 Whatever Happened To The Smurfs?

My mind tends to wander on occasion. Well, alright, most of the time.

When it does, curious things perplex me. One recent thought that scampered back and forth between my ears was: whatever happened to those lovable little blue people - The Smurfs? Back a few years ago they had a hit TV show, a CD or two, even a string of videos-and if I’m not mistaken, a run of “Smurfs On Ice”.

I decided to scour the Internet, search through newspaper files at the library, and even executed a series of letters to all the major cartoon studios in North America.

In addition, I dug through my extensive back issue collection of People Magazine for any possible clues. After getting distracted for several weeks with a string of 1980’s articles about Linda Ronstadt, I emerged from the basement and gave the Internet one last shot.

The big pay-off was “smurf.com”, the official site of Smurf-O-Mania. At smurf.com fans have kept alive links to all the Smurf history, Smurf lingo - even Smurf games.

Now, while this was helpful in reconnecting with the group as a whole, I still had the gnawing feeling that something was missing. Where had all those favorite characters drifted off to with their lives?  While I can’t reveal my sources, I have managed to compile a semi-accurate list of who, where, and what the Smurfs are up to now:

-Smurf Village has prospered as a tourist attraction, luring travelers from all over the world. The town council is currently awaiting a destination casino license, with plans to expand into a chain of Smurfland Hotels and Casinos.

-Papa Smurf has retired, and now resides in Phoenix, where he splits his time between golf and dabbling in time-share sales. 

-Chip Smurf is now president and CEO of Keebler, overseeing a staff of 27 elderly tree elves. He plans to launch a new Canadian product into the market...maple syrup-chip cookies.

-On a less positive note, Crack Smurf enjoys an opulent lifestyle at his ocean-front home in Malibu, with an estimated net worth of $1.5 billion from his importing/exporting concerns.

-Lazy Smurf, as could be expected, never really amounted to anything. He is most often spotted at rural carnivals or toy store openings, and has substituted for Sleepy at Walt Disney World parades.

-Baby Smurf has grown into a teenager, and hopes to get a sitcom this season, or appear on Survivor XXVII - Moose Jaw. Baby has been the least-arrested child star of her era. She is currently dating Dewey, one of the famous duck triplets.

-Smurfette’s life since the glory days has been marked with one bad career decision after another. She had declined the role eventually awarded to Demi Moore in Ghost, which she now admits was a horrific career mistake. She instead chose to be in a never-released remake of Seinfeld, with an all Smurf cast.

Adding insult to injury, Smurfette's 2003 solo pop album “I’m Blue, What’s It To You, #*!#!?!”, came out the same week as American Idol’s newest release, and subsequently plummeted off the charts. Smurfette is currently recording a country album, remaking much of the BeeGees song library. 

There you have it. My curiosity satisfied, I leave you. 

Even as I sign off, my mind is starting to wander again...whatever happened to Yogi Bear & Boo-Boo?

Chow for now!!

Mary Mary, quite contrary,
eating her pumpkin pie.
Along came a spider,
sat down beside Bert:
“Oh what a good boy am I”

Man, you never forget those classic old nursery rhymes of your youth!

Chow for now!

Charitable Event For Kim K???

I read with much regret the screaming boldface headline online yesterday that celebrity...ummm...celebrity Kim Kardashian has recently been “diagnosed with psoriasis”.

I cannot begin to imagine the anguish that she must be feeling, having “contracted” a chronic disease that currently has no cure. Back in the 1970’s, there were prominent television commercials proclaiming it “the heartbreak of psoriasis”!!!

Good grief. This made online headlines?? What’s next? “David Hasselhoff discovered to be actually talentless!!”

I’ve had psoriasis since the 1970’s - and I’m still here today, able to type out this rant. Years after Kardashian’s rise to fame, I am more likely to consider David Hasselhoff a gifted performer than I am able to find a single thing to be interested in regarding Ms. Kim. But hey, that’s the Reality TV (or homemade movie - wink wink...) charm. Talent doesn’t factor into fame anymore.

Buy some cream Kim. You’ll live. Trust me.

Chow for now...

“Flawtography By Dan” - Episode #001

Bob Newhart

Mrs. That Dan Guy and I were not only fortunate enough to see Bob Newhart in a live stand-up performance back in 2009, but we also got to meet him after the show. You can read about that in my column for REM:

http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=4982               

I took this photo from our spot in the Borgata theatre, Atlantic City.

Please, ask permission if you plan on using it anywhere...

Chow for now!

Got Me A Learnin’ In Apple Yesterday

Working on editing my first-ever video interview for a few hours yesterday, the subject himself (Nicholas Fera) aided me along the learning curve of my new (used) MacBook.

Just using the onboard iMovie, I almost fainted over how astounding the capabilities are, compared to the amateur-hour efforts I’ve loaded onto YouTube (and this blog page) from Windows Movie Maker.

After seeing the finished product (near finished, a few last tweaks before we can load it for anxious viewer(s)), here are just a few of the thoughts running through my head right now:

1) I want to move to Utah, so that I can be legally married both to Mrs. That Dan Guy, AND my MacBook.

2) I would happily bear Steve Jobs’ children.

3) A rainbow, even with a pot of gold at the end of it pales in comparison to Apple computing.

4) I would not leave for a deserted island without first ensuring my MacBook was along for the stranding.

5) There should be parades in every major city, every week, celebrating the genius that is Apple.

6) If I get even just the tiniest bit more dazzled by my MacBook, I fear brain particle will be expelled from my ears, and onto people passing by. I apologize in advance.

7) Mac - “MORE Amazing? C’mon...”

8) “What’s in a name? A computer by any other name is just a pile of wires, bolts and lame. Sweet Apple, MacBook is THY name...”

9) Harry Potter uses only genuine Apple products...

10) “Ask not what your Apple can do for you, ask what you can do for your Apple...”

I think I’m going to like working in the Apple OS.........

Chow for now!

Had A Bit Of A Scare Yesterday....

In my ongoing efforts to add grey hair to my wife’s head, yesterday's episode of Chicken Scratch almost backfired.

As Charlie was lying on the grass in our back yard, I noticed a rather large hawk approaching, held away only due to my own foreboding proximity. I can only imagine how pleased HIS wife may have been, upon his return to the nest with a rubber chicken complete with cigarette!

This stuff really happens here, folks - truth is indeed stranger than friction!

On a side note, spent most of yesterday (and a few more hours scheduled today) editing down my first-ever video interview, with musician and actor Nicholas Fera. He has an album coming out soon, and we chat about that along with other aspects of his career. He’s an energizing personality - and even though you will quickly be made aware that I ain’t no Oprah, it’s a great interview.

I also discover watching myself the obvious reasons Donald Trump wears that pelt on his head in public. Man, where did the flowing locks of my youth go???

Alas.....

I’ll post links once that is online!

Chow for now...

Chicken Scratch

(posted via dictation by weekend guest blogger, Charlie Chicken...)

 Note to self: Chickens cannot fly.

AAAAWK.....

Medic.......

Cluck fer now....

I Warned You! (They Won’t Always Be Funny…)

 Today is one of those tougher days – we should have been celebrating a birthday, but now it’s a day of remembrance.

We missed the latest profile that CBC Radio ran (aired yesterday apparently??), but when I get a link, I’ll post it here. My sister-in-law was an amazing, inspiring person whose story really hasn’t yet finished being told. The Facebook site in her memory is already growing since early with comments and tributes – it’s a remarkable thing how much of a difference one person can make in so many lives.

And we are all richer for having been part of hers…

PS – she loved this so much she used it all the time. Only for this paragraph, I’ll spell it properly. Ciao Ciao!!

Chow for now………

Cold Showers

I was heading down to my basement office last night when I could have sworn I heard a hissing sound. Not being a real hotbed for agitated vipers here in Alberta, I had to try and locate the possible cause of this mysterious sound.

In our furnace room, I did indeed discover the source of the “sssss”, which turned out to be rushing water - gently rushing, but rushing nonetheless. Seems our hot water tank had just gone kaput, just as I was descending the stairs.

Knowing absolutely nothing about hot water tanks aside from presuming you could fit about three small people inside of one, I started to act on sheer impulse. I turned a knob. That shut off the water source, and stifled the hissing. There was still the little matter of water everywhere, but it could have been far worse had I not been home, or hadn’t had the presence of mind to turn that faucet off. With a basement full of water, it would have been ME hissing and howling...

So, a quick call to the landlord, and we are now awaiting the replacement of said ailing water tank. There is nothing but cold water flowing through our pipes today, so things have been a little tricky. I expect soon all will be back to normal, and I will once again feel the gentle caress of scalding water on my behind in the shower.

The things you take for granted...

Chow for now!!

Only 1999 posts to go!

...before I hit # 4000! Whoo-Hoo!!

OK, clearly I gotta get a life...

Today’s post will be short - I’ve got to get ready to run across town to do a presentation for the Canadian Diabetes Association. In related news, MAN - I really love posting these little ditties from this Mac. More than my old computer, even more than my netbook. This Mac is da bomb!

Where was I? Oh yeah, presentation, CDA - yada yada yada...

Hey, big rainstorm last night, just when I ran out to Wal-Mart, to buy Kleenex. Should have bought a slicker or an umbrella. I parked half a block away, and it was not only pouring epicly, it was also hailing. I think I picked up a few new freckles...or dents...

Hmmm. Spell-Check doesn’t seem to agree that “epicly” is a word. I epicly don’t flippin’ care, so there!!

Gotta run!

Chow for now.........

2000 Posts!!

Well, today is officially my 2000th post - not sure if that’s astounding to anyone else but me, but astounding nonetheless.

And, as it happens, I am actually posting this courtesy of my own Personal Hotspot - essentially sharing the internet from my i-Phone. It is a milestone achieved by Apple - it is just sooo fitting!!

So, reflections. Or self-indulgence, you can be the judge...

I started doing this blog back in 2006 to replace something called “Morning Papers”, a daily writer’s exercise involving writing out three long-hand pages, from the top of your head. I did that exercise faithfully for years, even while camping in the pouring rain, or away on holidays. Ironically, shortly after I started doing this blog, I was on a trip to Dayton for the bi-annual Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop - and posted of seeing not only the sites of that city, but column-writing icons like Dave Barry. If you scroll back through the archives, you can see me grinning like an idiot beside him.

That ended up becoming a regular part of the blog over the years. Travel writing, reviews of events I was attending - which has expanded my writing away from the regular humour column I had been writing at the time. Still do some of that, but thanks to this space in particular, I now do book and CD reviews, concert and other reviews - totally expanded my writing horizon, due to a silly bit of daily posted drivel.

And there has been drivel, let me tell you. Many days I sit here, and wonder just what the hell I’m supposed to be writing about. I’ve fractured many a popular fairy tale, or rambled on about absolutely nothing many, many times here.

I’ve also posted links to my other writing, and allowed a certain chain-smoking, hard-drinking delusional chicken to guest post on weekends, which inexplicably is my most viewed feature here - often by over double the next closest topic. Just goes to show you can’t pre-judge what attracts readers.

Anyhow, it’s been a wild ride, to say the least. Now you can view my audio interview series, catch up on my Tweets, and find valuable savings on penis enlargement products (or restaurant coupons, it varies...) - all from this convenient space.

Now, I just have to rebuild my main website!

Thanks, crazy readers - it’s your fault I do this every day. Here’s to the next 2000!

Chow for now!!

Today I’m gonna blog like it’s 1999.

Because today IS my 1999th blog - posted consecutively since 2006 (aside from one day, due to extenuating circumstances).

Man, how things have changed in this space over the years. From amusing myself (in print - hey, this is still considered a family space, Charlie aside...), slowly converting over from Windows OS to Mac (YAHOO!!!!!), and gaining follower #9 recently, it feels like it’s just been a blink of an eye.

I’ll blather on much more tomorrow, but for today, I just want to bask in the reflected glory of Regis & Kelly - which is on TV right now, and frankly has absolutely nothing to do with this blog space. I can see my reflection in a corner of the TV screen...

Yessir, 2000 blog posts - if the U.S. Congress wasn’t so busy with some silly debit ceiling, maybe I’d be getting a nice engraved note from the Oval Office.

For staying the hell in Canada....

Chow for now!!

What do W. Bruce Cameron, Dave Barry, Garrison Keillor, Will Ferguson, Chuckle Bros., The National Society Of Newspaper Columnists, and The Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop have in common?

Well, obviously for the most part, humour (or in America, humor). They are also all part of my piece on “Adding Some Funny To YOUR Writing” that just came out in the newest issue of WestWord Magazine, the official publication for members of The Writers’ Guild Of Alberta. I wish it were available online, to share copies with everyone - they did a terrific job!!

Compiling tidbits from either seeing many of these successful humorists at events with the latter two organizations, or from interviewing the writers or cartoonists themselves, I put together a few tools to..well, do what the title of the piece suggests!

There’s probably copyright concerns and other legal implications, but if you’d like a copy, fire me off a note, and I’l see what I can do.

Just be prepared to arrange bail if things go sideways...

Chow for now!!

PS - Scroll back up to that photo montage, and click on it! Many of my interviews are there in the archives - FREE DOWNLOADS!!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger, Charlie the unsettled Chicken...)

LOOKEE HERE, MAMMALS!!

Ole Charlie is tryin’ out sumthin’ new - how does I look, as a peacock??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Frankly, it ain’t a walk in tha park bein’ a chicken, friends. Always sleepin’ with one eye open, lookin’ out fer them nasty foxes an coyotes.

Then, I keep gittin’ carded at tha bar, like tha bouncers can’t tell I’m uv legal age.

It gets  old, lemme tell ya - OLD!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

So, I figures I gotta step ma life up a notch er two. My plans to try bein’ an eegle din go over so swell - turns out ma beek ain’t so bendy after all...

But - with a lil additional (an grander) pinfeathers - holy pluck!! Lookit me now, Ma!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Can’t wait ta strut aroun tha bar tonite!! Tha chicks is gonna dig this, shur nuff!!

Jus gotta watch when I hafta use tha lil chicken’s room - these damn plummages is pluckin’ heavy!!

Charlie out, hoomans!!

Cluck fer now...

(Post # 1996!!)


And so it begins....

Despite enjoying a particularly healthy Peter Pan complex, I fear that I am slowly succumbing to adulthood.

For example, the other day my parents called, long distance from Winnipeg. As we were chatting, I began to wander around, and putter - picking up newspapers, straightening the vitamin containers (labels facing forward)...and then I noticed that the phone base was empty, so I began to hunt around for the phone.

As I was agreeing with my mother about some sort of comment on weather or nuclear disarmament, I was getting really baffled, wondering just what the hell I had done with my phone!

Well, the conversation ended, I hung up, and placed the phone on the coffee table.

It was at that moment that the light went on. Literally. When you end the call, a little light displays on the phone. That was also when I realized I maybe should have been looking for scattered marbles, and not the phone...

Chow for now!!

Quit Moving The Goal Post!! (For Pete’s Sake...)

As proud as I am at my efforts this year so far with social media et al, I find myself continually BEHIND the eight ball. Which, if the eight ball was a big-screen TV, featuring a La-Z-Boy recliner, a bottomless bowl of popcorn, and a handy beer fridge, wouldn’t be all that bad, after all.

However, my eight ball is the ever-moving, ever-growing, ever-never-will-I-catch-it goalpost of newer and better social media options.

I barely eked my LinkedIn numbers above 100 connections, when FaceBook launched their own version, Branchout.  Now I need to frantically ensure that for every kindly soul that has reached out to connect with me so far, I return said connection. One does not want to appear stand-offish in their online networks. One also does not want to appear like that balding uncle with the aviator frame glasses, who drops in unannounced to borrow your Sears catalogue - innocent as that might appear...

I’m starting to worry that Twitter will soon be replaced as well, but something like “Ter”, where you are only allowed 14 characters to be witty and memorable in attracting followers. Good luck with that, speech writers and tiny url creators!!

Better shake a leg - this blog will soon be obsolete, replaced by an i-Pad finger-painting program with hieroglyphics for posts, which will mean continuing education courses for interpretation.

Sheesh - at my age, I should just be having to worry about where I’ve left my dentures...and hoping I haven’t plopped them in my cereal bowl (again...)!!

Chow for now!!

Hoo-Haa!!

No reason for that outburst, it just always feel great to do a little impromptu “Hoo-Haa”!!

From experience, I can assure you that “Oh-Oh” never has the same uplifting reaction. That exclamation usually means I’ve got some hasty repairs or cleanup to do before Mrs. That Dan Guy enters the room.

Also, “Who der??” is a phrase I don’t like using, either with respect to bumps and bangs in supposedly unoccupied areas of house and home, or after the doorbell rings on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I have been humbled both by crafty, resourceful raccoons, and crafty resourceful Girl Guide cookie sellers.

No, “Hoo-Haa”, I say, and let’s just leave it at that...

Chow for now...

Odd Body Parts

I don’t even know what a “lumbar” is, but it strikes me as a funny name for  body part. Did a lumberjack come up with that? “Uh, how about “lumber”? No??”

Then there’s “clavicle”. It sounds like a musical instrument: “Did you attend Timmy’s clavicle recital last night? Oh, he was just divine!!”

I could do this all day! What about “femur”? It’’s not just an exotic animal, it’s somewhere on your body! “Doc, I think I’ve got a swollen femur...”

Who knows - maybe after all the vital organs were named, the biologists in charge of naming body parts went loopy with Peach Schnapps shooters.

And fell on their collective sacroiliacs....

Chow for now!