"The Wednesday Morning Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-I-Go-Anyway Concert Review" - Van Morrison!
(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer)

Reading our local music critic's review of this show in today's paper, I am so glad that I don't need to be that reverent here in this space.

As a matter of fact, here's the best part of last night's show: While killing time before the concert, we stopped in at the Stampede Casino, and won over $200 between the two of us!! How's them bananas??

Anyways...

So, yes, last night we got to see Van Morrison, and what a treat that was! Over the course of 90 minutes (to the second), Van blended a set of blues, soul, Celtic, Country, and classic rock that was just too short by the end of it all. The sound started off pretty crappy, but by about the third song in, it was exceptional.

I know that a regular reader is going to see him tonight in Winnipeg, so I don't want to spoil all the fun. Let's just say that Jackie Wilson Said, Bright Side Of The Road, and Days Like This were part of our show, and one heck of an extended, fantabulous version of Moondance. That cat can blow a mean saxophone!! Among all the other instruments he decided to dabble with.

The backup band was unreal. In particular, the fiddle player and the dynamic steel guitar gal drew regular applause, and if you like the sound of a Hammond B3 organ, well, let me tell you, there's PLENTY of that...

A few other observations:

-Mr. Morrison is a graduate of the same school as Bob Dylan - The Mumble Academy Of Vocal Stylings. I think I picked out three clear words in the whole show - "Jack", ""You", and "Chimmi-chunga", although I could be wrong about at least two of those...

-The age demographic clearly had bladder control issues, as I've never seen so many people needing to come and go during a show. Thank God for the big screen onstage!!

-We had the good fortune to sit in front of some people whose friend/doctor/mailman/third cousin twice removed/friends of their children knew somebody that knew someone else who happens to be the next-door neighbor to Van in Belfast, and apparently Van is not a nice person offstage... How sad...

-The crowd went nuts for the last two songs - Brown-Eyed Girl, and Gloria. When you hear Gloria, RUN to your car. There is no encore. I repeat - NO ENCORE!!!

-I think I may have just spoiled the surprise...

NOTE: for anyone from NHL Bloggers asking what the Hell this has to do with hockey, well, the show was in The Saddledome???

Chow for now!!

Two wins in a row...The Flames are back!!!!!!! Watch your backs, Canuckleheads....

The last few days have been very busy, here in the Such Is Life household.

I've had ongoing computer problems, where the simplest of tasks (such as typing this text) appears to be in slow motion. Almost like I'm working underwater, but without the smell of fish droppings... I may have to consider deleting a few files, to see if more memory will remedy that.

We've also tried to find some help for Charlie Chicken, who in addition to having a less-than-cheerful disposition, appears in some recent photos as a bit anorexic. I know Charlie doesn't talk much here about how his obsession with the young celebrities that are always in the news, but I fear he may be trying to get closer to Lindsay Lohan by eating poorly, drinking way too much, and recording really bad records...

Also, we had to go do some shopping the last couple of days, as the current wardrobe fell short of the longer winters here in Calgary. Makes me wish that we had a daily-wear fast-food uniform for casual gatherings, or that I hadn't been prevented by a court order from wearing my doctor's white lab coat and beige corduroys anymore...

On the plus side (much like myself), this week is the finale of the latest season of Nashville Star, and the guy we're rooting for seems destined to win. We'll finally be able to sleep again.

Chow for now!!

Hey, how about them 2007 Oscars??

I thought they did a pretty bang-up job with the show last night. Reading the newspaper this morning, and watching some of the morning shows though, I get the impression that others felt words like "boring", "awkward" and "overly long" fit the bill better. (Bill Better...not a bad name for a chronic gambler...)

Well, to be honest, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I didn't go into this year's event overly-well prepared. For the first time in years, we had only seen TWO of the nominated films - Dreamgirls & Superman Returns. We've heard lots of good things about the others though, like that Peter Pan's Lab Sink (???), and Miss Sunshine. Hope to see them soon.

More importantly, we couldn't get our minds off the fact that our Calgary Flames have fallen to EIGHTH place in their division!! 8th place!! This is disastrous...

However, Ellen Degeneres did a fine job of hosting the awards show - and we loved the comedy skit with Will Ferrell, and Jack Black. Even better - the rapid application of the band to cut off the acceptance speeches. I'd like to see them start even sooner, maybe as the winners are walking up to the microphone, but that could just be me...

Better run, going to get an early morning haircut...

Chow for now!!

Here's the problem with being a "virtual packrat" - eventually your web folders get so clogged with files, the blasted things refuse to open...

Trying to check my "Sent" e-mails today, I essentially had a coronary when a message said something to the effect of "Unable to open file". Aside from having a lot of quotation marks in this posting already, that sort of message "sends my blood pressure through the roof"...

Anyhow, I just spend the better part of an hour trying to divert files to other folders, and now appear able to get back in. What I really need to be able to do is "let go", and delete some of these e-mails from 1999.

Ugh...

How many e-mails are too much?? Well, one folder has almost 3000 e-mails, and Dick Clark was probably still hosting American Bandstand when I got some of them in my in-box.

Ugh...

I can't help it. I like to save things. I still have movie stubs from flicks we saw back in the 80's. Is this some indication of a problem, or am I sitting on a collectibles goldmine?? Well, maybe not with all these freakin' e-mails, I suppose...

Chow for now!!

Greetings, Humanoids...

Well, last week while I was getting a new tattoo, I let my cousin fill in here. Apparently some readers felt that Tiffany "Mother Goose" Henfeathers was a bad choice.

Normally I'd say "Screw 'Em". But, as this is the only day Banjo Boy takes off, I may have other readers anxious to hear about something other than how many grams of lint he can find in his belly button.

So, I decided to take some self-improvement courses last week.

Ha Ha!!

As if.......

Seriously, I stumbled across this book by some gigantic guy, with even more gigantic teeth. Even though I have to say it's an incredible pain in the pinfeathers to try flipping pages with a beak, this book was impossible to put down! Tony Robbins is a freakin' genius!!

Now, I don't know how much of this crap will work for a chicken, but it sure can't hurt to try adopting a few of his motivational tips. I WANT to awaken the giant within!!

So, here's hoping that the next time you read one of these postings, I will have brought a new level of intelligence, sincerity, and commitment to the table.

Right now though, I have to go visit one of the smaller rooms here. Too much coffee already, and my tumbly is freakin' rumbly. Where's that bloody morning newspaper??

Cluck for now!!

"I'll take Potpourri for $200, Alex"

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If you happened to watch 30 Rock last night on NBC, you just may have been as surprised as we were, when Charlie Chicken made a small, uncredited cameo appearance.

Appearing in a scene at the start of the show, Charlie pretty much appeared inanimate and..well...a little rubbery in his network TV debut... Still, the scene was pretty funny.

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The Vancouver Canucks are on a winnning streak - The Calgary Flames are sputtering in the wind. Where is the justice?? Where is the love?? Where did I put that leftover potato salad last Saturday? I can't seem to find it anywhere...

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Watched Deal Or No Deal Canada last night. Wonder how that's doing in the ratings??

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That last line of asterisks was shorter than the last one...

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Now they're back to normal...

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Speaking of Charlie Chicken, I get the distinct impression that that's one chicken you probably wouldn't rush to bring home, to meet your mother...

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Chow for now!!

Finally finished watching the 2007 Brit Awards the other day, after 3-4 days of interrupted viewing. Not too bad a production, as award shows go...

The beauty of taping something like that is that you can come and go as you please, and skip over the dullest bits, like CBC TV host George Strombolopisaurus, or whatever his name is. Booooring....but that could just be me....

Of course, the host in the U.K. was no prize either, on that end of the production. Some comic I've never heard of before, but I can be relatively bold in suggesting he's never heard of me, either, so we're even.

What was enjoyable were some of the innovative performances, especially The Scissor Sisters, and the Killers. Smokin'!!! Plus we discovered a few Brit acts whose name was familiar, but not their material. Some very pleasant surprises there.

And who knew Corrine Bailey Rae was British?? Go figure...

The only Canuck winner was Nelly Furtado, so maybe we should scraping that old sculpture of the Queen off of all our coins...

If you missed the show, the last 15 minutes or so featured a concert by Oasis, who I had frankly forgotten how much I enjoyed them, back in their heyday.

And it only took 3-4 days, to get through the 2-hour show!!

Chow for now!!

Oh-oh....

Today's gonna be one of those mornings again.

One of those mornings where I sit here and stare vacantly at the computer screen, with not a twig between my ears for an idea.

There's more mornings like that than you know. Or maybe you've known all along, you sly dogs. When a man without direction starts tapping on a keyboard, I suppose it could be pretty obvious on the other end of...well, wherever the heck you may be right now.

And, still...nothing. Not one bright idea for a topic this morning.


Hey, I noticed our Calgary Flames lost again, last night. That can't be good...

Dum de dum..do dee doo... bah dum bah dum doo da doo dee...

Pretty mild out these days, eh??

(Come on man, for the love of Pete, THINK of something to say here!!!)

We're probably going to have hot dogs for supper tonight.

(OK, that's it. Pack it in. You're friggin' useless this morning!!!)

Well, better run. Forgot to go grab my paper from the stoop.

Chow for now!!

For months now, I've pondered some of life's greatest questions in this space, such as why some of my toes are longer than the others, and how Justin Timberlake inexplicably continues to attract an audience.

Today, the stakes are higher - much higher. I need guidance for something that is totally befuddling me, and I can't even seem to find a consistent answer when I surf the Google.

I really hope that there's a genius scientist out there reading this, one that wants to use his or her powers for good, and not evil.

I hope that there's someone with great wisdom online today, like Yoda or Dr. Phil, ever vigilant for cases just like mine...

So, here goes:

How does someone get coffee stains off the inside of a thermos carafe??

Ours is currently (for lack of a better description) freakin' grody. Or groddy. That's not a real word anyway, so back off Spell-Checker!!

This dumb-ass carafe has an opening the size of a grape seed, and any efforts to clean it thus far have failed miserably.

Well, that's not completely true. In spots where a bottle brush makes contact, I can see gleaming promise. So now it's a swirly grody (groddy) mess...

There's my dilemma. Any help would be wonderful. But please provide references as to your cleaning capabilities, so I don't try using snake urine or some other sort of practical jokery!!!

You know who you are....

Chow for now!!

It's been a warm spell, the last few days here. Not tanning warm, but certainly leave the long johns in the drawer warm. Very nice...

Watched a bit of the boob tube last night, more specifically, the latest installment of "Grease-You're The One That I Want". Continues to underwhelm, but now we have to see where that train wreck comes to a sputtering end.

I still say that the producers are obsessed with finding the youngest leads in Broadway history, in an attempt to lure younger viewers to the show on opening night. I'm not sure that theory has a hope in Hell, but then again, I'm not the turkey bankrolling this experiment.

On a related topic, the touring "Broadway Across Canada" presentation of The Producers has hit Calgary, but I think we're going to opt to miss this one. I surfed the Google the other day, and found that if we see it in Las Vegas, we have a double whammy of excitement (well, three if you include the city itself).

First off, we can see the actor that replaced Nathan Lane on Broadway, and has played the role more than anyone else. Then, if we play our cards right, and the stars align, we can also see mega-star David Hasselhoff in the role usually occupied by Matthew Broderick. That's right, faint of heart readers, German recording superstar, AND the top dog from Baywatch (assuming you weren't watching for the rest of the cast - the ones in those red bathing suits)!!!

I may not be able to stand it !!

Anyhow,

Chow for now!!

Today, I'd like to take a few minutes, and answer some of the most common hypothetical questions I'd probably get, regarding this blog...

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1) Dear That Dan Guy,
How do you come up with all these wacky ideas for postings??

A: Well, Anonymous, it's rather simple. I just surf the Google, with random oddball words. You'd be surprised what can come up in a search for "Apache Hot Pants", or "carnivorous two-headed aardvarks"...

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2) Dear That Dan Guy,
You and your wife appear to go to an awful lot of shows and concerts. Are you guys independently wealthy??

A: Good question, Anonymous 2! And the answer is no. It's just that there's so many concerts available to see here. We actually pass on more than we go to.

For example, just due to time and financial constraints, we had to pass on Guns 'N' Roses, Aerosmith with Motley Crue, and Billy Talent. We also plan on passing on The Von Trapp Grandchildren (I'm not kidding), and Christina Aguilera, with The Pussycat Dolls.

Hey, wait just a minute...

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3) Dear That Dan Guy,
How did you become part of NHL Bloggers, considering you don't seem to know which end of a hockey stick sits on the ice??

A: Um, well, that's a good question, Anonymous3! I'll be honest. I had written a piece here about playing "hookey", but added a "c" by mistake, so the webmaster there made an honest mistake in inviting me to join that group...

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4) Dear That Dan Guy,
Charlie Chicken kills me. However, aren't chickens female?? Shouldn't Charlie be a rooster??

A: Well, Anonymous 4, thanks for writing in about that foul fowl from the weekend postings. I'd have to say that either Charlie is completely delusional, or my knowledge of farm animals is admittedly lacking. All I can say for sure is that he's a real pain in the a......

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5) Dear Bozo Boy,
You should quit posting so much crap here yourself, and let Charlie take over. He's the best!!

A: OK, so uh, is there a question there??

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6) Is Charlie available now??

A: NO! Can we get back to MY blog for a minute??

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Well, that seems to be a good spot to stop for today. Enjoy what's left of your weekend, everybody!!

Chow for now!!

Yo, featherless wonders...

Mother Goose here (yeah, yeah...that's the ticket - Mother Goose!!), with a few words to get you through the weekend, and maybe even a story or two that you can share with your creepy carpet crawlers at bedtime...

Once upon a time, there was a greasy, ratty looking wolf, that lived in the forest. With a hunchback.

Sorry, bad grammar. he didn't live WITH a hunchback, he HAD a hunchback...

Anyways, the wolf liked his meals very raw, so when he saw some whistling little dwarves on their way to work one morning, he...hey...wait just a cotton-pickin' minute!!!!

Where's my cigarette??? What the heck happened to my smoke???

Aw, crap and oysters....

Oh well, let's just get through this, and I'll go find my firestick...

So, this mangy wolf jumps these dwarves, and eats 'em. While he's sitting on a clump of forest grass, he spots a young girl in a red cape. Or hood. It's probably a friggin' gaucho, what do I know?? Do I look like Calvin friggin' Klein??

Anyways, he eats her too. Then he's so full, he explodes. Parts of his guts get all over this Rapunzel woman, who's up in a one-room tower, letting down her hair - for some Prince (who's broke as a circus rat after heavy gambling losses) that keeps yelling up at her, to let the damn hair down.

Did I mention he's bald as an apple?? He wants her hair, to cover his dome!!

The prince gets grossed out by the spraying wolf guts, and turns into a frog. He is immediately run over by a horse drawn carriage, and a couple of kids named Hansel and Gretsel (work with me here, it could be a name) turn him into a purse.

Gretsel tells Hansel that "a penny saved is a penny earned" . And they have earned exactly one penny.

The moral of the story today - If you're gonna walk in the forest, watch your wolves. Or the penny thing - you choose.

Now, I gotta get to the corner store. I need a smoke...

Cluck for now!!

We're Number One!!

We're Number One!!

That there was a headline I was hoping to run the other day, but chose to do some blathering on Valentine's Day instead. Now, it's:

We're Not Number One!!

We're Not Number One!!

The Calgary Flames have slipped down the rankings again after a few losses the past couple of days, even despite some recent trades. Which gives false hope to those Vancouver Canucks, but hey, they've been there before, so I say - let them enjoy it while they can.

I know this can always come back to haunt me, but I still feel strongly that Calgary will be doing their usual early-summer run to the Stanley Cup, while the Canucks will be eyeing a different cup - the ones on the putting greens around their summer homes.

Which reminds me: What's the biggest difference between The Calgary Flames and The Vancouver Canucks??

A STANLEY CUP!!

Buh-doom-boom!!

Here all week folks...

There. That should get the goat of any old pals from Kelowna...and I didn't even have to mention that our goalie has a much longer last name than theirs!! Or should I say a much Luongo one???

Chow for now!

So, how did YOU spend Valentine's Day??

Here at the Such Is Life household, we just stayed in, as the last of three bad winter storm days tapered off. We could have gone out, but rather chose to invite a delivery driver over instead. Not for supper, just with supper...

While we were eating, we watched The Lake House, with Sandra Bullock, and Keanu Reeves. Depending on your age as you read this, those folks are either relevant contemporary actors, or old geezers with one foot each in the retirement home. I choose to believe they're still young enough to pull off a movie like that, although either one could easily be a parent figure to say, Hilary Duff...

The point is (and I'll get there eventually), is that when I spotted the DVD in the store, I knew right away that Mrs. That Dan Guy and I would enjoy it. I'd heard the storyline in advance, and it got just ravaged enough by critics that it had all the earmarks of a romantic classic. And, it didn't star Hilary Duff...

Which gives one pause, because now Hilary Duff wouldn't be considered all that young any more. My reference points for "the youth" of today may now be getting long in the teeths themselves!!

However, I think I was working my way to some kind of point here earlier, which is now entirely lost to me...

Oh yeah. The Lake House!! Starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. If you see just one romantic movie this year, see The Lake House...

Hmm. That sounds more like a tag line than an endorsement. And I do endorse this movie, it's really good. But now I'm so worried that I don't know who to use as a reference for the younger set, I can barely think straight!! Dakota Fanning??? She doesn't sing though...

I must withdraw for today, and go surf the Google. Who are today's brightest talents?? Does Keanu Reeves use Grecian formula hair color now?? Would Sandra Bullock be considered an old goat nowadays?? My world is completely awry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chow for now!!

As a diabetic, I must occasionally participate in some routine annual check-ups.

Yesterday, I went for the first time in Calgary to a foot clinic. It was called The Foot Clinic.

Over the course of an hour, the staff there did tests for sensitivity (my feet are totally sensitive - yet still intensely masculine), circulation (as feet, they do tend to get around), and overall condition (several staff were brought in to look at what they thought to be a Planter's Wart).

Personally, I couldn't spend my entire work day within smelling range of people's feet. I mean, I did move up my shower day this week to try and lessen what has been described before as "the pungent aroma of wet socks in a gym laundry pile", but you never know how good a job you've done. It's not like I have the flexibility to give them a sniff myself...

However, at the other end of the spectrum, there are worse body parts you could spend your entire workday examining, I suppose...

Chow for now!!

After attending a live concert the other night, we had to catch up on Sunday's TV schedule offerings via the modern-day miracle of a video recorder. Which I believe is a tiny silver box containing a very small person with a video camera. I could be wrong there...

At any rate, after an evening of fantastic live music, we fast-forwarded our way through Grease - You're The One That I Want, and most of The Grammies.

Grease had a few good performances, but I still wonder if they'll succeed in drawing in the youth viewers, who are likely completely unattached to the music of that play's era. Having seen a touring production of the play long before the big movie with John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John was released, I can't understand why these current producer guys are so insistent on trying to find new lead actors that are too young to even have library cards. Could just be me...

As for The Grammies, well, watching what we have so far of that broadcast makes you wonder why Justine Tiggercake gets to perform THREE songs, but they don't have time to present awards in some of the biggest categories anymore. However, aside from the fare that Mr. Tumblelate offered, there were some good performances, and appropriate winners, so there may yet be hope for the show.

Although, no award for James Blunt?? Come on!!!!

Chow for now!!

"The Monday Morning Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-I-Go-Anyway Concert Review" - Emmylou Harris!

(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer)

Egads!

Caramba!!

Oy!!!

Yowza!!!!!

Well, you get the point...

Last night Mrs. That Dan Guy and I had the immense pleasure of seeing an artist I've been a fan of since I was a young whippersnapper, and have never had a chance to see perform live before.

Well, that's not entirely true. This review (such as it is) needs just a little bit of preamble first.

Way back in the mid to late 70's, I was walking around downtown Fargo or Moorhood, I really can't remember which one it was. But frankly they're twin cities, so how could I even know which was which - they don't dress differently??

Unless that's Minneapolis/St. Paul, which also may be twin cities. But I'm pretty sure it was Fargo/Moorhead.

Anyways, as a young teenager wandering around, I happened upon the back entrance to a concert hall, and parked just outside that entrance was a tour bus, with big bold letters: Emmylou Harris.

I had already come to know of Ms. Harris through a couple of her stellar 70's albums, and having seen the cover pictures, felt it might not be such a bad idea to linger, in hopes of catching a glimpse of her.

After about a half hour, and no visible signs of life from the tour bus (what a turkey - they were probably already inside rehearsing!!), I moved along, a crushed and broken young man.

Happily, I rebounded, and have led a terrific, normal life. Which was capped last night when that Blue Kentucky Girl strolled out onto the stage last night, in her famous silver cowboy boots!!

Egads!!

Caramba!!

Oy!!

Yowza!!

That incredible voice remains pitch perfect. And for a woman turning 60 next month, she still looks better than that witless wonder that can't remember to put her underwear on in the morning.

But I digress...

Ms. Harris brought along the wonderful 5-piece bluegrass band Carolina Star, some of whom she played with back when she was first starting out. Which ended up being very much of the feel of the evening - nostalgic, and acoustic. No drums, no keyboards - just guitar, fiddle, upright bass, mandolins, and dobro. Oh yeah, and a banjo on two or three songs!!

You couldn't complain about her set list - old classics, like Wayfaring Stranger, Born To Run, and a sublime cover of Pancho & Lefty. We've seen Willie Nelson do his version, and I think both are tied for the best.

She also added some of her newer recordings, plus a mini-run of a few bluegrass spirituals, capped off with an amazing acapella song.

Just as she seemed to be getting started, they wrapped things up, and we discovered by the light of my Indiglo watch that she had already been on for almost 90 minutes!!

We left after the second encore, but plenty satisfied...

Chow for now!!

I got to relive my toddlerhood last night, as we had a chance to catch 60's British Invasion pop group Gerry & The Pacemakers. They had big hits in North America with songs like "Ferry Cross The Mersey", and "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying". I would have been about 6 years old, back in their heyday.

To be honest, I heard more of their stuff when I was considerably older. So I pretty much missed their heyday, in between potty training and feeding boiled turnips to our family dog. But it was still cool to see another living piece of classic rock 'n' roll history.

It really was just a piece though. Unless Gerry has an actual pacemaker these days, any other members of his band appear to be far too young to be original members. And the songs we heard weren't any of their big hits, mostly two cover songs.

To be even more honest,we weren't even there as paying customers. We had stopped in to pick up our tickets for an upcoming show, and Gerry & The (replacement) Pacemakers were doing their sound check, in preparation for last night's show. So we sort of lingered a bit.

To be even way more honest, I bought us a couple of drinks from the bar, and we sat there totally mooching the freebie presentation. Two thumbs up - they sounded great!!

Chow for now!!

Happy weekend, upright hairless monkeys!! Charlie's back!

Last night, I took a sweet little chick to see a movie. Ironically, it turned out to be a CHICK flick!!!

Anyhoo, they had some dumb rule about no shirt, no service, so they had to scramble to find something to cover my nekked pinfeathers. Hence the Kleenex box. A little tight in the shoulders, but otherwise not a bad fit...

So, we went to see Dreamgirls, the big musical flick everybody's cluckin' about. I have to say, the movie was pretty good. Not many chickens in the cast, but the humans that were in it did a fair to middlin' job of acting.

For me, the movie kind of dragged a bit, until the big breakup/ditch Effie scene. Jamie Foxx (not a real fox - I've been chased by one, so I know) demotes Effie (Jennifer Hudson - not a real Hudson - I almost got run over by one) in the Dreamettes band, which forces her to sing the most powerful song in the whole freakin' movie. And from then on, the show is cluckin' terrific.

By the way, if that Hudson woman doesn't get the Oscar Meyer for her role, you humans deserve to be dunked in 7 secret herbs and spices...

If you haven't seen it yet, I won't spoil any of the fun. Get your long-john covered bee-hinds out to the theatre, and see it for yourself.

Better run, all this typing is putting a dent in my beak...

Cluck for now!!

I don't know how many of you out there reading these notes blog yourselves, but every time I get ready to add another installment, I click a link that indicates "add post".

Which sort of makes me feel I'm building a fence. A fence that is rambling on and on and on and on...............

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Thursdays are a really bad day, in That Dan Guy's household. Virtually every show we watch is on Thursday night, so we really hate having to do anything during that particular day of the week.

We've got regular favorites My Name Is Earl, The Office , 30 Rock, I clip my toenails or nap during Scrubs, then return for ER.

While all that is going on, we record Shark, Nashville Star, and now Deal Or No Deal Canada. It's not even worth getting out of bed in the morning - I just set bon-bons and Cola bedside Wednesday night, then I don't need to miss a minute of the shows. We do have that 30-minute bathroom break while Scrubs runs, so with proper planning, we're good to go for the whole night.

Thursday night - Must See TV!!!

Chow for now!!

When I was a kid, I never really considered growing up to be an astronaut. That's probably more an American thing.

As a young Canadian kid, the only rockets I knew were Maurice and Henri Richard. My aspirations for eventual adulthood employment were more realistic and earth-bound - professions such as Professional Chocolate Taster, CEO of Skippy Peanut Butter Ltd or Bikini Catalogue Model Photographer.

Nowadays, being an astronaut seems downright exciting, given the one down south that recently leaped enthusiastically off of the deep end of the behaviour charts.

You've probably already heard about NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak, and the wacky story of her love triangle gone seriously awry. It's been in all the media, and the late-night TV hosts have been having a heyday. But with the way reality TV works now, and how everyday nobodies can be instant stars now, this has got to be a goldmine for astronaut recruitment.

"Trouble at home? Leave your problems behind, and float weightlessly at the same time!!"

"Making The Mob look tame, join the Space Program!!"

"We're looking for a few good wing nuts!!"

Chow for now!!

For the ultimate in lazy cuisine fare, there is now a product on the market for those that enjoy the occasional canned salmon sandwich, but don't enjoy separating all the skin, bones, and whiskers that typically arrive in every can.

Yes, Boneless Skinless Whiskerless Canned Salmon is now available, and I for one am thrilled to be able to fabricate a tasty sandwich, with far less effort than ever before. I can honestly say that there were some lunch hours where I became literally EXHAUSTED, using a knife and fork to carefully dissect what is such a skimpy canned serving in the first place.

Don't tell Mrs. That Dan Guy, but I'd often add in a little bit of bread crumbs and peanut butter to fill out her sandwiches, what with at least half of the can's contents being shucked down the garburator...

Now though, thanks to Boneless Skinless Whiskerless Canned Salmon, a lunchtime chef can easily whip up two healthy sandwiches, without any creative fillers. And, your partner will quit asking if the salmon tastes a little funny...

On another note, I don't hear much anymore about the Pittsburgh Penguins needing to move, to stay alive as an NHL franchise, but I still think Winnipeg would be a great new home.

If not the Penguins, how about bringing those Coyotes back from Phoenix?? Gretzky grew up in the snow, he'd adapt to -75 again.

If not the Coyotes, why not Toronto? It's not like The Leafs are doing anything productive towards another Stanley Cup in Ontario these days...

Chow for now!!

I am convinced that we have a commuting rabbit, in our neighborhood...

We used to think that he (or she) had ADD, or some other such compulsion, that forced him (or her) to hop in exactly the same steps, every fresh snowfall. Probably while clucking, or hooting.

But lately, we've detected a relatively obvious pattern. As in a straight diagonal line through the back of our yard, along the side of the house, and down the road in front of our humble abode... Never a variation, just the same well-worn path in the snow.

So, from the past few months of carefree carousing, our neighborhood rabbit now is on a mission, or on a time clock. Hoppy leaves tracks in a singular straight(ish) line, day after day, well before sunrise. What sort of employer would require a graveyard shift hare, I wonder??? But then, I do tend to worry about the damnedest things anyway...

However (and this just came to me out of the blue), maybe our rabbit is a jogger??? It would make sense, and also explain those empty bottles of Gatorade beside the garage.

I'll just have to set up a video camera, to see if he (or she) is wearing work or leisure apparel. I must solve this mystery!!

Or hope that I get a life...

Chow for now!!

Curse you, Super Bowl!!!

(Imagine an angry fist, shaking at the name or spirit of that annual TV institution)

Thanks to you, Super Bowl, all my regular TV programs were sent into "repeat' mode yesterday. No new "Grease - You're The One That I Want". No new "whatever else is on on a Sunday night". Just football, on every freakin' channel imaginable.

Well, it sure seemed that way...

OK, so we did end up watching about an hour of your broadcast, even hoped for a bit that "da Bears" would stage a 4th quarter comeback, but alas, it was not meant to be. However, thanks to the modern-day technological miracle of time-shift channels, we were able to enjoy the American broadcast, with all the terrific American commercials. I'll atone this week by watching CTV or something, and find out what Tim Horton's is offering Canadian viewers...

Chow for now!!

We got hooped! Duped!!!

Yesterday, I was successful in convincing (wearing down) Mrs. That Dan Guy into attending the Calgary Boating Exposition 2007, on the premise that we would learn about where we could go camping and fishing, in our new home province.

I assured her that I wasn't going there just to look at the uber-expensive cigarette boats, or any other such flashy, expensive speed boats. I wanted to get an education on where we might be able to wile away some leisure hours, communing gently with nature (with at least an outboard motor, and flushing nautical toilet)...

Well, unless I included the booths devoted to fractional time shares for some fishing lodge in Pebble Sands, Saskatchewan or a private lake in Saudi Arabia, all we could see for row upon row was uber-expensive cigarette boats, and other such flashy, expensive speed boats.

And some inflatable dinghy's, which for the record is something of minimal interest to either one of us...

Then today, trying to recall the name of the exhibit, I Googled "Calgary Boat Show", and came upon (lo & behold) The Calgary Boat & Sportsmen's Show, which runs Feb 15-18, and promises to feature everything I dreamt of in the other show. Plus a "birds of prey" exhibit, which is my ticket in with Mrs. That Dan Guy!!!

Why do I need to know where the recreational sites are in Calgary and area, what with that bee-oo-tiful Bow River rolling right through the heart of town?? Well, I've heard that it's only three of four inches deep in places, and if we buy the yacht that I hope to, I don't want to make the local newspapers as "Blogger runs aground on sandy loam!!"

Chow for now!!

Howdy, humanoids!!

Charlie's back, for his usual weekend appearance (generally before Banjo Boy wakes up).

I see that somehow he got on as part of the NHL Bloggers network, which is freakin' hilarious, seein' as how he doesn't even know how many innings they play!!

At any rate, if that turkey (no relation) can write about hockey, they why not me??

To give you guys some credentials, I play goal in a beer league here on the weekend. After the industrial accident that took my arms and feathers, I find it hard to hold a goal stick or glove, so I pretty much rely on the size of my cluckin' head to make saves. But, as I mentioned before, this is a beer league, so accuracy in shooting hasn't been a real big issue...

Am I cold when I lie on the ice, nekked?? I am hot-blooded for a fowl, so I tend to shake off the shivers. And, as I may have mentioned before, this is a beer league, so often I'm too pickled to give a rat's ass...

Do I wear protective equipment for these games? Padding is for little hens in dresses!!

Plus, I got no endorsement deal yet...

Is it a good idea to smoke while participating in sports? Why don't you go lay an egg......

Cluck for now!!

Yet another light dusting of snow, overnight. Winter has decided to return...

The other day, the forerunner of the bigger overnight dumping of snow brought a little flurry in the afternoon, as Mrs. That Dan Guy had to go to another part of the city, for her work. She can handle the weather well enough, but still gets a little rattled driving in it.

How rattled?? Well, when she arrived at the other location for a meeting with staff there, she had been running behind. So, she rushed into the building, at about 2:30, and attended meetings, etc.

I met her at 4:30, to do some shopping, grab some dinner, and a bit of general running around.
We returned to pick up her car at about 7:30, after it had long been dark outside.

Pulling up to the office building, I remarked on how it looked like she had left her lights on. She agreed, but also noticed that the tail lights appeared to be on.

And, even though it had been snowing for the past few hours, the car was oddly devoid of any buildup of the white stuff...

Reaching into her purse for her keys, she discovered that they had been misplaced. Well, not misplaced so much, as LEFT IN THE FREAKIN' IGNITION!!!! Her car had been sitting in the parking lot, right across from a relatively high-traffic area, running the whole time. How nobody noticed, and didn't steal the thing is beyond me.

Egads!!

On the plus side, she didn't need to warm it up before we left to head back home...

Today, I'm searching the Google for something that will put the motor into hibernation, after 15 unattended minutes...

Chow for now!!

Whoo-hoo!! Snowstorm!!

Yikes, man - we're getting a pretty respectable snow storm here this morning. I'll be donning the long johns to do some shovelling shortly...

So, I read in yesterday's paper that the star-studded "reality" program "Armed & Famous" has been sliced, diced, and pureed into oblivion. I never even got to see a single episode, as the commercials alone triggered my gag reflex (and I'm not talking about my humour writing options here).

If you were fortunate enough to have missed it as well, which is likely something that was happening in record viewership numbers, "Armed & Famous" had some of today's hottest mega-stars (Erik Estrada, LaToya Jackson) working in the field as pseudo law enforcement officers. It must have been a nice break from their other most current work projects - like tending bar somewhere off Rodeo Drive, and delivering newspapers...

Hmm. A harsher tone than usual today. I sound as bad as that foul fowl that turns up here on the weekends.

On a kinder and gentler note, it appeared (in the commercials at least) that Mr. Estrada still had a good set of teeth.

Chow for now!!